The Secret Between Us [BxB]

46. Unworthy

(Back to Matty)

Fuck. 

Your boy feels like he was just walking on the road minding his business when he was suddenly hit by a shit ton of bricks then mowed over by a steam train.

I didn't even want to open my eyes so I just slept instead until I naturally couldn't.

Something was calling my attention almost like I had these spidey senses and they were tingling. 

I finally opened my eyes and found myself in a dimly lit hospital room with the strangled sounds of clashing beeps behind me from all the monitors I was connected to. I tried to let out one long sigh but my abdomen was in so much pain that I had little tears in the corner of my eyes. But the pain was ignored once I heard the real reason why I woke up. 

I looked over to my right and found a small infant beside me making two little fists and swinging them about in her swaddled state as she cried out in soft lamb-like la' s to grab someone's attention.

Wait.

She needs my attention. 

Because that's my baby. 

"Jaydean?" I gently called her name and reached out to the clear hospital bassinet, trying to get her closer so I could hold her and soothe her but she was too far away and I wasn't in any position to get up and grab her myself. 

God, she's not even a day old and I'm already failing as her mother. What a great welcome to the world.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I can't-" I looked up through the misty layer of tears that clouded my vision to find Thomas and Wesley were both gone and I was completely alone. 

What was the point of having two father's when they can't even help me hold my daughter for the very first time.

"Hold on, I'm right here..." 

I tried talking to her but as soon as she heard my voice it was almost like she started wailing louder and pushed myself up to an upright position. Ignoring the severe amount of pain I was in and pushing back the tears as I finally reached out once more, using all the muscles I shouldn't be using. But I finally grabbed my baby's bassinet and rolled her up to my bed. 

I quickly reached in and carefully pulled my baby girl into my arms. She continued to cry as I held her and finally got to see her little face up close for the first time. 

"Hey you," I cooed cradling her in the crook of my arm while gently caressing her tiny head full of red hair. I reached my arm back, untying my hospital gown so I could have her skin against mine since I read it was good for babies. I also had to figure out how I was going to feed her. 

Jaydean stretched out her little arms and opened her beautiful eyes to meet mine. My heart came really fucking close to falling outside my chest because it grew three times bigger when I finally got to meet my precious nugget. 

"So we finally meet, you little pain in the ass," I joked with her and she stopped crying, nuzzling her head to my swollen breast as I had to figure out and position myself to chest feed her. I was lucky enough to latch her on the 5th try and she finally stopped crying as she sucked the life out of me. 

"Where are your daddies huh? Where did they go, baby?" I asked her but she closed her eyes again as if to say she didn't need them and they had no purpose anyway. 

And she was right.

I leaned back once more, relaxing into the bed and laying down like I should be as I continued to feed her. 

"You know, I wanted to be called daddy too, but I'm starting to like mommy better. Apparently, your daddies are idiots and I don't want to be in the same category as them," I tell her and she lets out a small whimper. 

"You do too?" I took my index finger, swiping it over her soft red hair and poking her little cheeks. Thomas was right. She's absolutely perfect. 

The door opens just a crack and I look over to see Thomas peeking his head in.

"Oh! You're awake!" he said with surprise and opened the door and walked in with Wesley. I narrowed my eyes at both of them and shook my head with disappointment.

"Useless, both of you," I grumbled and gave my attention back to little Jayde. 

"Sorry, we were calling the family and letting them know you're okay. They'll be here later this morning to see you and Jaydean," Thomas informs me as he walks over to the bed. 

"I woke up and she was crying, all alone, and I couldn't reach her." I told him and his eyes opened wide.

"Babe...you're not even supposed to be moving right now, how did you grab her?" He asked and I pulled Jayde a little closer.

"Clearly without the help of not one but two of her father's," I said, making sure I didn't leave Wesley out of the scolding. Wes just put his hands up and laid down on one of the plastic couches. Jaydean lets out a small gurgle as if she was agreeing and she stops sucking. 

"Here, you can burp her," I tiredly retract and even though I didn't want to let her go for a second, I handed her tiny body off to Thomas who sat beside me on the hospital bed.

"You know Wesley and I were talking and she looks a lot like you. It's almost as if she already acts like you too which is...comforting," Thomas says as he gently pats our baby's back. As I watched Jayde's little face while she let out a series of tiny burps I saw a lot of myself in baby pictures copied on her face, from her little nose to her thick pink lips. 

"Hmm good," I looked at Wesley to find him looking hurt by my comment. 

"What? I grew her inside me for nine months, fuck you if you thought she was going to come out looking like you. I warned her in utero that I would be highly offended if she did," I point, using my index finger and Wes rolls his eyes. 

"I just want to know where the red hair came from," Thomas said, kissing the top of Jayde's head and nuzzling his nose in her fresh baby smell.

"My mother is...was Irish, she had long dark auburn hair," Wesley comments, cracking his knuckles before laying back on the couch and closing his eyes. 

"There you go, mystery solved," I said, picking up on his past tense meaning his mother is dead. 

"Funny, her name was Arabella," Wesley says before turning over and falling asleep. 

When Thomas finished burping her, he hands her back to me so I could snuggle her until she joined her papa in slumber. 

**********

Woot Woot

I love Jaydean, she hasn't said a word yet but I started her book and I already love her.

Right now my plans are to keep going for a few more chapters and then break into part two.

Comment who you want Jaydean to turn out like! Matty, Thomas, or Wes? 

Thank you guys for reading, commenting, and loving this book just as much as I love writing it!