The Secret Between Us [BxB]

39. Unspoken

Dead

That's the one word I would use to describe my feelings as I stood outside hospital room 201B.

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"This is all that we can really give you. His clothing was too soaked with bodily fluids to be able to hand it over to you with a good conscience," The police officer stated as he held a small plastic bag taped red with a sticky evidence marker and a bright white label with a small black barcode with Thomas' social security numbers. 

"Thank you," I muttered under my breath as I rolled the contents of the bag around. A tube of chapstick, his nerdy glasses, his wallet, his keys. A boring little bag containing average little things which I never thought would mean this much to me.

"And this is how we found you, it was folded up in his wallet," The officer hands me a smaller bag with a familiar grainy black and white sonogram of our little nugget. I never knew he carried a picture of our little girl until that very moment and the thoughtfulness of my sweetheart touched my heart in ways I couldn't describe. 

It also pissed me the fuck off. 

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The sonogram was the only physical thing I held in my hand as I stood outside his hospital room. And although there was only one physical object on my person there were about a million emotions floating through the air to form one larger mood which let to my one-track mindset. 

I stood outside that door and apologized to my older brother above for what I was about to do. Because he might have taught me all must be forgiven and each person makes mistakes there is now one person I will never forgive for as long as I shall live. 

"Mianhaeyo, dear Taehyung," 

I whispered my apology to him under my breath in Korean before opening the door and facing him for the first time since the accident. 

Yet there he was. 

With just a single cut under his eyes, a few stitches here and there, and a swollen lip. But other than that he was perfectly fine. And he would stay that way.

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"We're so sorry, we did all that we could,"

The surgeons announced to our families as we waited for news, any news. Especially since the last time I saw his face was when he kissed me right before leaving and I told him not to take long. 

I should have told him to forget about the damn screwdriver. 

To just stay home on our farm where he belongs. 

I should have sent Milo to grab it or my father or my Appa.

I should have gone instead.

Maybe if I had gone, I would have driven a little slower since I hate driving large trucks and I would have missed the oncoming disaster by just a few seconds. 

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"I'm so sorry," 

The disaster that was sitting upright before me, because he can, his heart rate beating a little faster than before, and his oxygen pumping through his veins from his quickened breath. Behind him, the simple clear bag of fluids was dripping vitamins and minerals into his body because that's all he needed to survive.

 He could see the damage he had done with open eyes and a clear mind.

I held the sonogram in my shaking hands, now not only would it be stained by the single splotch of Thomas' own blood in the very corner, but the picture of what could have been our perfect future was going to take my tears as well. 

An apology would never be enough.

An apology can't take back what he did.

The door clicked softly behind me and I looked up, wanting to face him eye to eye so he could see the pain and suffering he's caused me. 

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"The other driver was speeding at an excessive rate, slamming into the back of Mr. Jackson's truck and pushing him into the intersection," 

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"Matthias, I'm so sorry," 

Wesley repeats himself and I gulped down my pain so I could speak.

"Why..." 

I choked on my own words and Wesley sat frozen as did I.

"What have you done!"

I screamed at him and the tears flooded those stupidly beautiful pools of ocean blue.

"Matthias, please Let me-"

"Why are you here instead of him!" I asked and slammed the photo down on the small desk that hovered over his bed. 

"That man...he's the smartest, kindest, sweetest man I have ever met. She isn't even his but he never gave a damn. So tell me why God decided that you should be sitting here instead of him! Fucking Tell me!"

I screamed so loud that nurses were beginning to knock on the door which I had locked the moment I step foot in this room. 

Wesley looked at the sonogram with a saddened expression mingled with guilt.

"You might be the other half of her DNA but that will never make you her father," 

My anger bubbled up in my throat and spewed out like a venomous poison I wanted to inflict on his conscience. 

"That's not fair, I wasn't here!" He pushes in and I slapped him straight across the face. 

"And whose choice was that! No one told you to suddenly pick up and leave for months on end! Maybe if you had stayed, I would have had the chance to tell you! But you gave me no choice," I spit back and he held his cheek in his hand. Adding a bruise to his vehicular injuries. 

"I left because I had to Matthias, but I came back because I wanted to. I wanted to be with you," he cries but I had no sympathy for him and his sorry cause.

"I wish you had just fucking stayed and never came back because now you will never have me, you will never have her, and I never want to see your face again," 

I let those be my final words to him and left the sonogram on the table as I forced myself to turn and walk away. 

Shoving past the nurses who got in my way as I made my way out of that hellhole and into the other one that is now my life. 

*********

Sorry for the last cliff, but a bitch has his laptop charger back so now I'm back to business. 

~Ry