The Secret Between Us [BxB]

16. Mixed Bag of Emotions

"Hey," 

"Hey, Matthias. How are you?" 

I walked over to the large floor to ceiling windows of my bedroom, leaning against the back of the couch as I watched the sun set over the downtown LA skyline.

"I'm okay, still a little sick but I'm getting over it...I miss you," 

"I miss you too baby," 

I looked at the time, if it was 6 pm here he's eight hours ahead of me meaning it's like 2 am in London.

"Wes, why are you doing up at this time? Isn't it like the early morning over there or something?" 

"I couldn't sleep...I kept thinking about you...the way we left things,"

I could hear him let out a long sigh and I sat on the back of the couch with my legs crossed.

"I regret not kissing you goodbye," 

"I haven't kissed you in nearly three months, Wes. what's another six?" 

I snarled, feeling kind of hurt by his lack of effort these past few months when he was here.

"I'm sorry Matthias, I've had a lot going on,"

"Clearly. You know, if you really wanted to stop you should have just said so. It's not like we-"

"Don't you dare say shit like that," 

He chastises me and I knew it was stupid to ruin our phone call but my emotions were boiling over and I needed a release.

"I can't help you if you don't let me in Wesley."

"It's complicated Matthias. I couldn't...I don't want you to-"

"Christ, just spit it out already,"

"I'm married," 

When he says the dreaded seven letters I nearly dropped my phone and hung up on him.

"What do you mean you're married?"

"We've been separated for three years. That's why I'm in London Matthias. I'm finalizing my divorce," 

"How long have you been married for?" 

"About ten years," 

I whistled out loud when he said it, the cold still banning me from keeping my thoughts and reactions in my head.

"Fuck," 

"I thought it would be easy but things are a little bit more complicated than that which is why I'm here for so long," 

"Complicated like...with feelings and shit?"

"No, he cheated and moved on a while ago. I've been alone for years. It's more money wise and stuff. We were eighteen and didn't exactly think about prenups," 

"I see," 

"Does that scare you?"

"No. It explains a lot actually,"

"Hmm, how's Thomas? I saw the pictures today," 

"Damn, It's in London too?"

"How do you go on a world tour but still manage to underestimate your fame?" 

Wesley chuckles, his voice still hoarse from being sick for so long.

"Thomas is good...really good," 

"You told him you loved him,"

I could tell where this conversation was going and I didn't like it.

"I-I don't want to talk about Thomas with you,"

"Why? Cause he's a hell of a lot more than just a fuck buddy?"

"To be honest with you, yeah he is. He's here for me." 

I confessed in the softest way I knew how while nervously running my hand up and down my arm. 

The line stays silent for a few moments and I tilt my head down. I would never lie to one of my partners, even if it hurts them.

Wes was no different.

"I'm sorry, I'm happy for you, Matthias. I really am. I guess I'm just jealous because he's over there with you while I'm stuck here...alone." 

The way he says alone makes my heart hurt and I closed my eyes. 

"You're never alone as long as I'm still breathing. Now get some sleep okay? For me at least?"

 I plead and he begrudgingly agrees. 

"I'll tell you my snapshat later and you can start snapping me when you're awake. It'll be fun and maybe it will cheer you up," 

I add as some form of peace offering.

"Okay, goodnight then," 

"Goodnight baby," 

I sighed as he hung up and I quickly realized just how quiet it was in my room. Before the phone call, the shower was still running from Thomas cleaning up after our beach date.

"How much of that did you hear?" I asked. Not needing to turn around to know he was right behind me sitting on one of the couches or chairs, probably staring at me with that look in his eyes which let me know he was uncomfortable.

"So he's married? Why do I not find that shocking?" Thomas says aloud with clear sarcasm and I stay facing the window. 

"You didn't want to talk about me...why?" he asks and I bite the edge of the bottom lip.

"Because it's complicated. I love you and I love him, but in two completely different ways with two very different relationships that can't really correspond to each other. It's impossible to compare them." I explained. 

"I'm calling bullshit because I can tell you right now what the difference is. It's clear as day," Thomas starts and I turned my head towards him to be faced with his blank expression.

"You love him. He's like your soulmate. You really truly love him just because you have that stupid spark or whatever. You only love me because I'm here for you and I support you with Lemon. Not because...you actually love me," His insecurities show and I blinked a few times. Shocked that he would even think that.

"Thomas-" 

"No, don't Thomas me and don't say I'm assuming shit again because this is the truth. I mean, look at how we ended up together. It was only after I got you that stuff for the baby. We went on our first date because we were celebrating your ultrasound. If I didn't do any of that shit we would not be together. Simple as that and I know it's the truth but the truth really hurts," He says

"You know what Matty, it's okay. It sucks but it's okay because I love you. Even if it's one-sided I still fucking love you." Thomas quickly adds before I could speak another word and stands up, leaving my bedroom and slamming the door on his way out. 

Shellshocked and side-swept, I just sink to the carpeted floor and bury my head in my knees, dropping my phone with a soft thud. 

**********

*Author smiles with an evil grin and rubs hands together* 

I have a playlist for this book, I'll share it in the next chapter since it's 3 am and I want to sleep.