Smile For Me (Student/Teacher)

Fixed Or Not

"Let's go to the garden." Charlie suggested, his voice coming from his office while I was on the couch in his living room, all my thoughts killing me slowly at remembering how she looked curled up on the couch. I hated myself for continuing to think about it, when it was stupid of me to do so. I already knew he didn't have any feelings for her, but just the thought of his hands on someone else bothered me.

Then there I was sleeping with another man before while being with him. I was so hypocritical.

"Okay." I answered him back, and saw as he came out with this look. I felt screwed at how obvious I could be. That annoying man knew just by my voice, I wondered how the hell that was possible.

"What's wrong?" He asked, walking into the living room where I sat and looked up at him, feeling busted.

Before I could open my mouth to speak, he began with that knowing tone of his, "And don't you dare say nothing." He demanded.

I sat up, feeling completely defeated and let out a large breath, not realizing I was about to cry. But soon enough, I sat there, looking down at my hands with tears spilling down my face as my shoulders shook. He ran over to me.

"What- what is it?" He asked in quick worry, and I heard the desperation in his voice. That's what hurt me as well, knowing that I had done this to him. I had made him paranoid at the thought of me leaving again. "Why are you crying?" His questions came out quickly. "Please don't cry."

"I'm so sorry." I childishly sobbed out, sounding like a child who was about to confess a bad thing. But he knew what I had done. He knew a long time ago, and he called me a whore for it.

I was the most hypocritical person for feeling so much pain at the thought of him touching someone else- even if he didn't have any feelings for her. Then I was also with someone else, but for months, while being with him. He said he loved me, I couldn't imagine how much I'd hurt him.

"What-" He began in confusion, but I whimpered out another apology and he wrapped his arms around me. "I forgive you. I've told you before."

I kept crying, wishing he'd stop saying that. I wished he was still angry, part of me did, because I just wanted to feel what I deserved. Even if he forgave me, I couldn't find it in me to forgive myself. And the reminder of that was the pain of thinking of Charlie with someone else. "Did you kiss her, Charlie?" I hated how vulnerable I sounded, and I didn't want him to feel bad, because I knew he would. He shouldn't either, because I was the one who did all wrong.

He squeezed me tighter, burying his face in my neck. He said nothing, and I knew he had. It made me squeeze him back, and I asked him, "Did you sleep with her?"

He didn't say anything, and I already had my answer. So I nearly cried my eyes out. "I'm sorry." I said again, this time in a whisper.

"I'm sorry," He said, and I hit his arm.

"Stop being sorry." I sobbed. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I yelled at you," He said, kissing my shoulder, in the spot where I think my dimples were. "I called you names," His hands rubbed comfortable circles at my sides as he went on, "I was with another woman," Hearing him say that made me cry harder, and he removed a hand from my side to wipe my tears, "I tried to hate you."

I knew then that for a fact, he was angry with himself. "Diana, I should be sorry for a lot of things." He sighed. "I hate seeing you like this," I felt his fingers catch the fresh tears that continued to spill from my eyes, "Come on, smile for me."

I couldn't find it in me to do it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, it being the only thing I could say.