Love Of My Life

6

Aria

The excitement and nerves inside of me should be illegal. And there is absolutely no reason for them to be this bad. I'm just hanging out with Ben, that's all.

I groan, and lean further into the chair I am sitting in.

"Are you alright?" Lucy Boynton, who plays Mary Austin, asks me. We've been getting closer and I must say I enjoy her presence. I love the guys, but having a girl there is nice.

"Ben and I made plans to hang out and I'm nervous," I admit. "And excited. but there's no reason for me to be feeling like this,"

Lucy laughs and sits down across from me. We are in her dressing room right now before she has to go film.

"It'll be okay," she tells me.

"I just don't like the feeling in me right now. I'm not used to it," I say.

She has a thoughtful look on her face. Her lips scrunch together before she opens her mouth. "Maybe you have feelings for him," she suggests.

Feelings for Ben? I've never really thought of that. I have never had a real relationship before because they were always using me. So I tried to repress any feelings I had. I got quite good at it too. But I never thought I liked Ben in that way.

"I don't know," I sigh. "I don't feel,"

"Well this seems like feeling to me," Lucy tells me. "You're friends so theres no need to be anxious unless there are some kind of feelings there. Does he make you feel - I don't know - different?"

I think back to yesterday. There was no reason for me to go into the room. I saw him practicing and growing increasingly frustrated so I just wanted to calm him down and encourage him. It's not easy to play the drums, especially the songs he has to learn. And then there's the way I opened up to him. I never open up to people. Not in that way anyways. If I do it takes me literally forever to do so.

Lucy might be right and I'm not ready to face that truth. Instead of answering her I groan again and slide down the seat further. I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing but Lucy seems really into it.

She leans forward in her chair. "Ari, this could be great though. He's a great guy and you're amazing so he would be lucky to have you," she tells me.

"I'm just baggage," I say, the words slipping from my lips.

"What?"

I shrug and use my arms to pull me back up the chair. "I would just bring him down if something...were to come. I have too many problems that need sorting out,"

Lucy sighs. "I understand that," she says softly. "But if he likes you too then that won't matter because he'll work them through with you,"

I guess she's right. Again I've never been in a healthy relationship so I don't quite know what it entails. I've seen the movies and I've seen some of my friends in them but I've never experienced anything magical like that.

"I don't even know if I feel that way about him. I mean its only been a little while since we met," I laugh.

"There's no time limit for when you can start feeling,"

"You know something Luce? You're great with words," I say after a moment of hesitation.

We both laugh. I love the friendship we are forming.

"You are too, believe me," she tells me with a smile spread across her face. "We need a girls night,"

"Agreed," I say.

"We can go shopping and then eat ice cream and talk about feelings,"

I laugh. "I can't be the only one talking about feelings now can I?" I except Lucy to agree but she sits silently, a small smile seeing onto her face. She likes someone. "Lucy who is it?!" I ask her. I am suddenly more interested in talking about feelings, partially because these are not my own.

She sighs and her cheeks turn pink. "I think I'm starting to like Rami,"

How could I not see it? Rami is absolutely wonderful and now that I think about it Lucy always gets incredibly shy around him, even though all of their scenes are together.

"You guys would be perfect together," I tell her. She looks up at me with hope in her eyes.

"You think?" She asks.

I nod. "Definitely," I wait a moment before I continue. "You know I might be able to set something up,"

"Oh you don't have to do that," Lucy says, although I don't believe her. I think she wants me to even if she won't admit it.

"I want to. Let me at least help a little," I counter.

Lucy sighs. "Just don't make it obvious," she gives in.

I grin. "Of course I won't, love. I can't manage my own relationships but I can work wonders with other people's,"

Lucy laughs. She checks her phone and then sighs loudly.

"I should go, it's half past three and I'm needed on set soon," she tells me. We both stand up. "Listen let me know how it goes with Ben. Call me tonight?"

"I will," I tell her.

We exit the room and hug goodbye, going our separate ways. She's an angel, I think.

I think of our conversation as I walk down the hallway. Her and Rami would do well together. I can see it. But Ben and I? I don't know.

My thoughts, however, are interrupted by me running into a body.

"I'm so sorry," I say, pulling back to realize it is the blonde haired man I've come to feel something for.

"I was just about to find you," Ben tells me. "It looks like you've found me though," he laughs.

"I'm sorrry," I say quietly, smiling at the ground.

"Don't be," he tells me. "Come on, let's go,"

He holds out his arm and I loop mine through it as we head down the hallway and out the building.