Love Of My Life

15

Aria

Things have been...odd since my dispute with Bryan. I can't say I'm not surprised that it happened though. We've been on edge for quite some time now. This whole project has been on edge quite frankly. It's taken years to actually find people who want to do it and who want to do it right. I thought Bryan was that person, but I find myself doubting that. I've been working twice as hard since then to make sure everything is in order. I've sort of decided that I will do part of Bryan's job since he's clearly not doing it. 

"All the costumes fit, right?" I ask Lisa, who's in charge of costumes. The blonde lady nods. 

"They did when we did our costume fittings a while ago," she tells me.

"Ok," I respond, clearly stressed out. 

Lisa and I walk on to the set. Since Bryan hadn't shown up to work today, I'm directing. As Executive Producer I had to step up, but most importantly I wanted to.

"It's going to be fine," Lisa tells me. "You're going to do great,"

"Thanks, Lisa," I say, giving her a tense smile. We walk to our respectable positions. 

We're filming the scene where Freddie tells the lads he has AIDS. I'm tense because I'm directing it but I'm also tense because this scene is incredibly hard to watch for me. Brian and Roger didn't even want to come in but I needed the support. 

The room is large, at least. We're in a different location that what we've been filming in recently. We've done a lot of the studio filming but now we're venturing out a little bit. 

The cast is all here in their costumes. They all seem to be in good spirits, which I wish I could feed off of. Ben, Joe and Rami seem to be mocking Gwil for how short his shorts are. 

As soon as I get to where I need to be, however, everyone pipes down. They all turn to look at me waiting for a cue.

"Are we ready?" I ask, ensuring everyone is comfortable with what they need to do. 

Ben, Joe, Gwil and Rami all nod. I look around at the crew - Lisa, Brian, Roger and others - and they nod as well. 

"Let's get into positions then," I say.

Everyone moves rapidly, probably wanting to get this scene done with since it is so touchy. I want to be done soon, but I don't want to rush. It needs to be done right.

When everyone gets in their spots I call for action. The cameras begin rolling and we start the scene. Music fills the room and Rami's voice cuts out. He calls for the band to stop and then gathers them to tell them the news. The words come out of Rami's mouth but something doesn't feel right. We jump too soon into the others responses and no one is focused on Tom Hollander, who plays Jim Beach. 

"Cut," I say. The actors turn their attention towards me, curious as to what I have to say. "After Rami says he has AIDS can we do a longer pause? I also need to see the emotion off of you. It's okay to embrace it. Don't fight this scene,"

We start over. I tell one of the camera men to focus on Tom, specifically after Rami drops his bomb. It takes a couple more tries to get it right, but I finally think we have the scene. 

"I've got it," Rami says to Ben, Gwil, and Joe. There's a pause.

"Got what?" Gwil asks.

"AIDS," Rami says.

The pause that follows consumes me. I can see the emotions in the actors eyes. The scene affects me so much that I barely hear what the other actors are saying. This is it. This is the final take.

"Cut," I say, quietly after the scene has finished. I need a break. "Let's take five, yeah?"

Before I know it I am speed walking out the door, where I go to throw up outside. 

...

Ben

It's so silent in the room after Aria leaves you could hear a pin drop. 

"Her first scene to film and this is the one she starts with," Roger says from off to the side. "It's like it was planned as a mental game,"

Before anyone can stop me, I am out the door following her footsteps. I see her sitting on the side of the building. Her eyes are red and puffy and she pulled her hair off her face. I walk over and squat down in front of her. I place a hand on her knee.

"It's too much," she says, barely a whisper.

I squat there, unsure of what to say, so I just rub my hand on her knee to show my support. I don't think Aria ever coped with the loss of her father. She was just kind of thrown back into life without taking some time to breathe. 

"It's just I was there when he passed," she continues. "So this is just a reminder of that monster that killed him,"

"He's always with you, Ari," I tell her. 

"I just wish I could talk to him, you know?"

I sigh. "Sometimes I feel like talking to my grandpa who passed away a couple years ago so I just talk out loud to him and I get the chills when I can feel him listening,"

She looks up at me and grabs my hand in hers, playing with my fingers. 

"I refused to talk about it for years. Not even to Bri and Rog," she tells me.

"Maybe talking with them can help. You know I'll always be here for you, but they knew Freddie and they knew that he loved you. Maybe they have stories about him or just anything really," I say. I feel my legs get tired but I refuse to move. 

"I think my worst fear is that I'm letting him down," Aria admits.

I shake my head. "I think you're doing anything but letting him down. I'm sure he would hate to see you this upset but he understands,"

"I feel his performer in me and I just keep ignoring it,"

My heart aches. "Sometimes it just takes a little push. Like you told me once, when the time is right you'll know it. Maybe that time hasn't come yet,"

"You know Rufus, Roger's son, has been wanting to do music with me for some time. The past couple weeks after being on set I've considered possibly reaching out to him about it,"

"That's amazing Ari," I say. "If you want to try it then I'll be here with you for every step,"

Aria stands up and I'm grateful because this means I get to straighten out my legs. I feel like I just did a heavy workout. 

She wraps her arms around my neck and embraces me. I pull her closer to me by her waist and moments later she releases. I kiss the top of her head lightly before fully letting her go.

"Let's go out tonight," I say. "Get your mind off of things," I do want to take her out again and maybe a distraction will be good for her.

"Can we watch a movie? I don't feel like going out," she laughs. 

I nod and smile at her. "Of course," I tell her before we walk back into the building.