Love Of My Life

40

HAPPY 40 CHAPTERS EVERYONE

...

Ben

"Aria's been weird," I say to Joe. The two of us walk around London. We grabbed bite to eat after filming. Tonight is our last session before Christmas break.

"How so?" Joe asks. 

"I don't know.." I really don't know how she's been weird, but she has been. "Like she's afraid to touch me? I can't explain it,"

"Touch you? Or touch you,"

"Just like touching me? We haven't..you know," my face heats up.

"No way," Joe says, stopping in his tracks. "No wonder why she's acting weird!"

I furrow my eyebrows. "What?"

Joe swats at my arm. "You're drying her up," he says.

"Shut up," I hiss. "The time hasn't been right,"

"The fact that you said I love you before sealing the deal is strange to me," 

We continue walking, the cold air engulfing me. It hasn't been this brisk out in a while. 

"It was right," I argue. I suddenly get anxious that he's right. Am I going too slow on this? I didn't think so. I didn't want to rush anything. I was just going with the flow.

"You need to hop on that," Joe tells me. A group of girls walks by us, giggling and waving slightly. I smile at them. "before someone else does,"

Not helpful Joe.

"She wouldn't leave me because of that," I argue. "We've only been dating for a couple months,"

"On the twenty third it will be your third month together," Joe tells me. "Do you celebrate your month anniversaries?"

I sigh. "We haven't,"

"That could be your chance. Make it romantic, you know? See what happens," Joe says. I sigh again. I feel under pressure. 

I mean he's right. I'm probably the worst boyfriend. It's just, it's like Aria and I have been dating forever.  We spend most of our time together, sometimes spending nights together. She told me I help her nightmares go away. But is Joe right? Am I 'drying her up'? Maybe she wants more and I'm too ignorant to see it. It's not like I don't want to have sex but it's not all I think about it. I don't know what's going through her head. 

"I need a Xanax," I mumble. 

Joe pats my back. "Listen, I'm not trying to make you nervous or anything. It's just, we all kind of assumed you hit that-"

"Joe," I say abruptly, cutting him off. I take a breath. "Does my sex life come up a lot when I'm not around?"

Joe laughs. "No, but ours does,"

I roll my eyes so hard I think they might fall out of my head. 

"In all seriousness though, it doesn't. Maybe once or twice but nothing detailed or anything," Joe says.

"There's nothing to detail," I mutter. 

The two of us make our way around town and back to the studio to get back into our costumes. My conversation with Joe got me annoyed. Maybe I shouldn't say annoyed, but it got me self conscious. I've never worried about a lot with Aria but now I'm worrying about everything. 

"You alright mate?" Rami asks, looking at me as I fumble with the buttons on my shirt. 

"Yeah," I say. I take a breath. "I don't know, I think I want to do something special for Aria. For our three month. We haven't really celebrated any milestone in our relationship so I might want to do something," Thank you Joe for the advice. 

Rami looks thoughtful. 

"Ever try a home cooked meal?" he suggests. 

That's not a horrible idea. My hotel room has a kitchen in it so I could easily do that.

"That's actually a good idea," I say.

"You sound surprised," Rami laughs. 

"I just wish I thought of it,"

The two of us walk out of the dressing room and onto set for filming. 

I'm grateful when we finish, in all honesty. I'm anxious and tired. I haven't felt his anxious in forever, probably since I had to do a full frontal nudity scene a couple years back. That was terrifying. This is a different kind of terrifying, and it's especially frustrating because it really shouldn't be terrifying at all. 

I find my nerves fading as I hug my friends goodbye. I won't see them for a little over a week, and I can honestly say I'll miss them a lot. What's going to happen when we finish filming? I don't even want to think about it. 

"Promise we'll keep in touch," Lucy says.

"Of course," Allen says. "Plus we have our New Year's celebration,"

"Is it finalized?" Gwil asks.

"Just about," Rami says. "Adam got a place. I hope you don't mind I've invited him. He's a great guy. You'll like him a lot,"

"I'm excited," Lucy says.

"Me too," I answer honestly. I've never partied really with these guys. Yeah we've gone out, but this is different. 

Aria joins us, her nose red and the faintest smell of smoke on her. Did she go out for a cigarette? That's unlike her. 

"I was hoping to catch you all before we left," she says. She wiggles her way to my side. I grab her hand, squeezing it gently. It doesn't feel weird between us right now, but mine and Joe's conversation lingers. 

"We'll keep in touch, especially about our rager," Joe says. 

We all hug again, taking forever to say goodbye. Happy Holidays are thrown out there and Merry Christmases. I'm all goodbye'd out but the time Aria and I walk outside. We took two separate cars today, so we pause when it's time to go our separate ways.

"I want to ask you something," I say, shifting on my feet.

"Okay," Aria says, smiling up at me. She swings my arms back and forth gently.

"I know we haven't really celebrated, but our three month anniversary is coming up and I wanted to know if you wanted to do something for it,"

A grin spreads on Aria's face. "I'd love to," she says, blushing slightly. "Did you have anything in mind?"

Yes. 

"It's a secret," I tell her. I lean down and kiss her, feeling instant comfort and warmth.

"I hate surprises," Aria syas, but the smile on her face tells me otherwise.

"It'll be a good one, I promise," I assure her.

"Are you sure?"

"Moderately,"

Aria laughs. "I trust you," she sighs. "I should go. Rufus and I are meeting tonight with Jimmy. But I'll call you later, yeah?"

She leans up to kiss me again, planting small ones all over.

"I love you," I tell her. 

"I love you too," she says. She pulls out of my grip, walking towards her car. I stand in place, watching her walk away. she turns back around and gives me a small wave, before disappearing into the night.