Vikk's P.O.V.
The others didn't notice much. They didn't notice anything really, even when I stopped talking outside of recording videos, even when I stopped eating, even when the scars appeared on my wrists and I didn't bother to cover them, even when I talked about taking my own life.
The only light in my life was Lachlan, my closest friend and crush, he did really care about me and often asked me how I was doing, trying to record with me as often as possible. I loved being around him and he was probably the only reason that I was still around.
I knew that I didn't take care of myself. Ever since I had gotten into YouTube I almost didn't have the time to take care of myself, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't shower, I barely had the energy to record and edit without collapsing and although my housemates didn't notice, Lachlan certainly did.
He asked me one day just as we finished recording.
"Vikk, are you taking care of yourself?" I blinked, unsure of what I should answer. It wasn't like I could just... tell him.
"Yeah...?" I questioned, "why wouldn't I be?"
He raised one eyebrow.
"Vikk... I'm really getting worried about you. You don't sleep, from what I've heard from the others you don't sleep, you look exhausted and can't concentrate. The other boys say you don't talk at all outside of recording for god's sake!" He cried, fiercely rubbing his eyes.
I sighed and leaned back into the chair, a little shaken. I didn't want to tell him, I couldn't tell him, so instead I said nothing.
"Please Vikk?" He pleaded. "I'm scared for your health."
"No." I said.
I hung up the call and logged out of my Skype, making sure that he could call me back. I then muted all my notifications on my phone and my computer, stood up and locked my door so the guys couldn't barge into my room and sat back down, ready for a long night of editing.
----------------------------------------
I barely left my room for an entire week. I had a bathroom connected to my room so the only reason I had to leave was for food, and even then I went downstairs at 3am to avoid the other boys because I didn't want to talk to them.
I recorded solo videos the whole time, never even unmuting my notifications or logging back into Skype. The only tweets I posted were automatic ones from when I uploaded, I didn't like any tweets or reply to anything, I didn't even check my social media.
There was a lot of messages and missed calls from Lachlan but I didn't read them, I didn't want to.
I barely slept, maybe 2 hours a night at the most. It was the last thing I wanted to do, lie still and let my thoughts run wild, especially as I knew that all I wanted to do was fall asleep and never wake up again. Now that I wasn't in contact with Lachlan, I didn't know if I could keep going.
At one point I was so exhausted and weak that the trip from my chair to the bathroom was too much, I fainted only a foot from my bed and was out of action for three or four hours. I didn't remember much, I just remembered drifting in and out of consciousness for quite a while, my body heavy.
I was editing another video when I heard a knock at my door through my headphones. I ignored it, pushing on.
A few minutes later there was another knock accompanied by a soft voice and reluctantly I pulled my headphones off my head, listening to what they had to say. It was Josh.
"Vikk? Please, open the door." His voice shook. "We're all scared for you, it's- it's almost like you're trying to kill yourself through work." I rolled my eyes and pushed my headphones back on my head.
