Vikk's P.O.V.
We tried to stay in Australia for as long as possible, Lachlan specifically said to me that he didn't want to go anywhere, not after the disaster that was the flight from London to Brisbane. I knew that I would have to leave eventually, go back to London for a little while to be at Josh's hearing, but that was months away so I would have time to prepare.
The flight that I took with Lachlan to Australia was a mess to say the least. I was still an emotional wreck, it was only a few days after Lachlan had confronted me and after Simon and JJ had found out and although we had got business class seats, I still couldn't cope.
It was too loud, the plane was vibrating too much, the air smelt stale and it was far too strong and I just couldn't do it. I had several panic attacks on the flight and spent the 24 hours I was inside that metal box curled up against Lachlan with my thumb in my mouth, tears running down my face and my headphones in.
Lachlan did his best to comfort me but he couldn't do anything, I was too worked up, too scared, too frightened. All he could do was hold me tight, whisper comforting words into my ear and just wait until the flight was over, which he kept saying was far too long and why couldn't planes fly faster?
Only a week after we had arrived in Australia the rest of the Sidemen, or most of the rest of the Sidemen, set up with us in a Skype call. They were all looking around and most of them refused to look me in the eye, they all looked ashamed and scared and just awkward in general. Simon was the first person who spoke.
"Vikk look... I know you probably didn't want us to do this but... we reported Josh to the police. He's been arrested and he's going to be charged with rape." I went white and my vision faded almost into black, at least until Lachlan poked my shoulder.
"You good Vikk?" He asked, tipping my head back so I was looking at him. I blinked and then came back to the real world, stunned. Why?
"Bu.. but why?" I whispered, biting down onto my nail.
"Because we don't want to let him get away with this! Vikk he's destroyed you, he's no longer apart of us and he has to be punished!" Ethan yelled, making me flinch and look away from the screen. Lachlan rubbed my arm gently and I leaned into him, thinking for a few minutes before I spoke up.
"How... how is this going to affect me? I'll have to come back, won't I?" Harry nodded.
"Yeah, the police'll want to talk to you so they can get your side and any evidence you might have. I don't know when his court date will be but you'll have to come back to England then." The others nodded and I sighed, but that was that.
We had a plan for the future, something to get up in the morning for.
I would get justice one day.
And when I did, I would be there.
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The police got into contact with Lachlan and I only a few days after the call. The Brisbane police came around to our house the next day to talk to me and although they were trying to be polite as possible, refraining from intruding, but I did have to stop for quite a while because I had a panic attack.
They honestly didn't even have to question me, they just had to confirm that it was me who was Josh's victim. London police had unveiled hours upon hours of footage, footage of me being raped taken by hidden cameras hidden throughout the house that Josh had set up, specifically to film me.
Both of the officers looked sick when they told us what had been filmed, how many hours of footage there was and how violent it was. I didn't even realise what he had done to me because I didn't remember most of it, I had been numb when he attacked me and I blocked most of it from my mind.
"I don't quite understand how you're still functioning right now, some of the stuff in those videos are some of the most violent things that the investigators have seen." Lachlan looked like he was about to be sick, he was white and green and he looked so stunned that he couldn't speak. I looked away, trying not to bite on my nails. It was a reflex.
"I don't think I am." I whispered, closing my eyes. "I'm not."
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I didn't think that Lachlan realised quite what Josh had done to me until after those officers talked to us. For the hours after they left Lachlan sat, motionless, pale as a sheet of paper and just stared at the wall, wringing his hands.
"Lachlan?" I whispered, crawling up to him and placing my hand on his arm. He looked up, on the verge of tears and looking so blown away and sad that it made my lip tremble.
"Why didn't you tell me how far it went Vikk?" He breathed, rocking back and forth. "How are you even still living?"
"I don't think I am." I mumbled, practically collapsing against the wall beside him. "I've been numb to it for so long that I don't even remember half of it, all I remember it staring at the ceiling and praying that I don't get too injured because if I did then the other boys would ask questions."
"I could have helped you Vikk." He said, staring me right in the eyes. "Why did you never say anything? I understand that he held your secret but why not mention it? You knew I was gay, you didn't have anything to fear from me."
I blinked. He didn't understand that I couldn't tell him, no matter how much I wanted to. It was ingrained in my head, to keep silent, to not tell anyone, to not mention it even if the pain was so bad that I wanted to scream and just give up. That was what he didn't realise.
"I did." I whispered. "I had everything to fear from you. Even if you didn't say anything, Josh didn't find out that I had told anyone, he would know. He knew everything, even if it was a secret because he made me tell him things, he made me tell him everything."
Lachlan didn't say anything more. He didn't need to. Instead he leaned over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him so he could just hold me close, protect me from everything that might threaten me. I didn't mind.
"One day I might understand what he did to you but for now I think not knowing is the better option." He whispered. "When you feel like you need to tell me something, I'll be there."
My lips trembled and the tears started falling down my cheeks, making me sniffle. Lachlan crawled closer to me and pulled me into my lap, letting me cry into his shoulder while he just held me tightly, now crying himself. I bit down on my thumb.
"Do you think that it'll be okay someday?" I mumbled, closing my eyes.
"Of course it will Vikk. One day."
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I sighed in relief, dropping the phone in my lap. 30 years. He wouldn't be out for a minimum of 30 years but he would probably be denied parole for 10 years more according to my lawyer, who I was on the phone with. I hadn't gone to his trial, I couldn't and they didn't need me but they kept me informed. It was over.
Lachlan held me as I cried, even though I didn't know exactly what I was crying for. I was happy yet I was sad, I was scared but filled with relief, confused yet completely free and Lachlan understood my conflicted emotions because he didn't say anything to convince me of either side. He didn't seem to believe in either.
"I told you that one day it'd be better Vikk." He whispered, kissing my forehead. "And although it might not be today, today is a step towards your healing. We'll get there."
"I know we will." I mumbled back. "One day things'll be okay."
