His Animal (A Martin Garrix Fanfiction):

A Short Update

So, my week has been pretty hectic. My wi-fi is currently screwed up so I am typing this out on my iPad in Notes. School has been the same with teachers, homework, quizzes, and the whole package. It's like I kind of already knew it was going to be that way so I am not as stressed and tearing my hair out, well not yet. Anyways, I have been trying my best to write when I can, but it is simply too difficult. The only class I can really write in is Study Hall and I have been so busy doing homework and getting this stupid iPad that my- hold on let me pause really quick.
If any of you have siblings, then you know the constant pain and fear of having everything snooped through and being asked the question, "What are you doing?". Well, as many of you know no one knows about my story and I intend to keep it that way. I don't care what it takes, there is no way that I would give up writing and talking to all of you. I don't care if I have said this a thousand or million times but, you guys are truly amazing. The amount of care and love you all give me, not only with my story but also with life in general, and to be honest I have no idea what I did to deserve this kind of friendship.
I am currently blasting music and not giving a fuck if someone is calling me because I am pissed. Pissed off at my sister for invading my privacy. Pissed off at my brother for asking me questions every five god damn minutes. Pissed off at my parents for calling me to do all the chores when I have a life to live. Pissed off at a boy in my school who I don't know whether or not likes me but I do know that he used to like me. And now he isn't even talking to me as much anymore! I washed my hair this morning at 5:30 am for him! And not even one word. I am just so god damn done.
Well, enough of my rant! I am kinda happy kinda not to be back in school. I just wish that the teachers were a little bit friendlier instead of "Shut up. Answer in full sentences. We have a quiz tomorrow." I am also pissed off at myself actually. I made the horrible mistake of telling my friends about what happened to me this summer. Where I had the chance to becoming something other than a bedroom fanfiction writer.
I thought they would happy for me. I thought they would congratulate me. I thought they would help me through it. But, instead I get told what I should have done and that I screwed up a one in a lifetime chance. In truth, they are correct. But, you don't have to tell me twice. If any of you know the song that is what I'm referencing. I am hurting so bad on the inside that I just want to curl up into a ball and pound the walls till my hands bleed. I want to cry an ocean and forget it all happened.
You know how Angel felt when Daan and her broke up? The way you felt? The pain twisted up inside you and the longing to clutch a pillow and bawl into it? That's exactly what I am feeling but even double the pain. Why? Because I am the one who did this to myself. I am the one who caused my own misery and sadness. I made one mistake after the other and at the time, I had no idea what I was doing.
I just wish I could go back and change it all. I would explain it out to you, I really would. I just can't bring myself out to say it or even think about it. If I let it take over me, I won't be able to hold myself together during school or classes. I'll be a soul deprived zombie. No joy. No laughter. No happiness. Just nothing.
I am so so sorry for going on and on like this, but I am always on a personal level with my readers. I want you to know what is going on in my life so you understand me for me. I will tell you that I am a different person in life. With you, I am myself. With friends, I am the extrovert side of me which is basically an alter ego that I created to fit in. I want to be as real as can be so that is why I have wrote like twenty paragraphs about what has been going on in my life and is now. Oh my god I just said "like". Someone slap me. Haha not really though that would've been better for what I am feeling right now. I think I might be really sad tonight. Thanks for reading guys. Appreciate it a lot. More than you think I would. Really. Love you all and your amazing words- Angel :^)