This Ain't a Love Song//Nikki Sixx

Chapter 8: Sumthin' For Nuthin'

*I rewrote this chapter a bit, I hope you all like it :)*

The car ride home from the party is silent, Nikki still looks pissed and I don't blame him. I feel so guilty about what happened... It's really my fault because of what I said. If I wasn't being such a bitch, he never would have got into a fight, or hurt his shoulder more. I was really upset though. Him not being there because he was getting high really hurt me. I think we both were in the wrong, but I hate thinking that I've upset anyone. It just eats away at me.

I pull up in the driveway, after what feels like an eternity. When we park, Nikki takes the keys out of the ignition without a word and walks up to the house. I lock the driver and passenger doors and follow up behind him, locking the front door behind me as well. As soon as he gets to the bedroom, he gets out of his wet clothes and goes to take a shower. I change into pajamas and go to the living room to watch a movie, maybe even go to sleep. I doubt he wants to be around me right now... I don't blame him, really.

I should just leave him alone the next few days, let him do his thing. I can go to dad's house, hang out with a modeling friend, even. I still have to finish my contract since it's almost up. I have one more big shoot to do that starts tomorrow. He has to go to physical therapy and be in the studio anyway, I would just be in the way like always. I can't even focus on this movie now... I hate that I overthink everything. I just want to get fucked up for a night and not worry about anything for once. Not about how I'm a shitty girlfriend, how I annoy people, how I'm just a shitty person in general. I need to forget about my anxiety for a while.

He stops behind the couch, placing his hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my head. "Hey, are you coming to bed?"

I don't take my eyes off the screen, "Yeah, I will after I finish this movie."

His fingers trail down my arm, giving me goosebumps. "Do you want me to stay up with you?"

He probably just wants to get laid. "No, you go to sleep, I'll be okay by myself until I finish this."

"Okay... can I have a goodnight kiss?"

"I don't feel like getting up, Nikki. I won't be long." I can hear the irritation in my own voice.

With no reply, he walks back to the bedroom, lightly shutting the door behind him.

I feel bad, but I need to distance myself from him for a bit. I don't know how to deal with my own emotions... I just shut down. I can't deal with feeling like I ruin people's lives, upset them, the works. Even when bad things happen to me, I have to manage other people around me. It's a lot. I grab a throw out of the ottoman, wrapping myself up in it to eventually go to sleep. I don't want to wake Nikki up by going in the bedroom, so I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. Maybe distancing myself from him for a while will help us... I don't know what else to do. I'm too scared to upset him, or hurt him further, and I'm scared of getting my feelings hurt again. I love him too much for any of those to happen.

Nikki's pov (tell me if you like the different POV or not)

It's been two hours and Melody still hasn't come to bed. I assume that she fell asleep while watching whatever movie she had on. I haven't been able to sleep either, too many racing thoughts over bullshit. I smoked some dope for my shoulder pain, and I've been writing down some song lyrics, trying to piece some ideas together. I finally decide to get up and go into the living room where I find Melody asleep on the couch with a throw over her body.

I put the blanket back in the ottoman and carry her bridal style back to our bed. I keep thinking about earlier, how she was mad at me, and how I really beat up Champ. The sick bastard deserved it, but she brought out a bad side of me. I'm not mad at her over it, I'm just... disappointed in myself. I should have been there for her, I should have been there to protect her, what kind of boyfriend am I if I can't do that? She already doesn't love me, now her trust in me is lesser than what it was before. I just don't know what to do.