This Ain't a Love Song//Nikki Sixx

Chapter 53: No No No

I wake up to laughter coming from the kitchen and the aroma of food filling the air making me notice how hungry I am. I hardly ate anything last night, I did, however, sneak some drinks from the bar, but I only had to sneak because the owner knows me and thinks the whole "no drinking until 21" law they passed is stupid. "Oh, hey look who's up." Sav says. "Do you want any breakfast?" Joe asks. I look up and see him peeking around the corner over the island from the stove. "Uhh, sure, you making eggs?" I get up and wrap my blanket around me for warmth and because I don't feel comfortable walking around in shorts in front of five guys. "I am indeed making eggs, would you like toast, or sausage, or beans?" "Beans?" I ask, repulsed. "You've never had beans on toast?" He asks, shocked. "No, and I never want to." "It's such a delicacy from the motherland." Rick says. "No thank you," I shake my head and smile, "Hey, where's Nikki?" I ask. "He left about half an hour ago, said he would be gone only a couple of hours... we wanted to know if you knew what he's up to." Sav says. "No, I don't. We haven't spoken since we went to bed." "Any reason why you were sleeping on the couch?" Sav asks. "You shouldn't ask questions like that." Joe scolds, glancing at me afterwards. "Sorry, I was just curious is all." "It's okay, don't be sorry." I half smile. Joe lays a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of me, immediately making my stomach growl super loud, which cracks the guys up. The five of them sit and talk while I quietly eat and observe their conversation, and I'm glad that I do, I can see how close they all are. They're well ahead of Motley, which kind of makes me sad in a way. I always wonder how a group like that would ever stay together for long, through thick and thin. Tommy and Nikki will always be friends, they're so much alike, but Mick is older than them and Vince is just so into himself... I don't know. Their management doesn't help, especially with all the drugs they get, one of them are bound to get severely hurt. I always hope that, that's not the case. After I finish, I go sit out on the back patio while the guys watch TV in the living room, not leaving until Nikki gets back, or Motley might come over to hang. I kind of just want to be alone now after last night, that still has me freaked out, and I'm probably overreacting, but I felt so uncomfortable and violated. I had to go sleep on the couch, I didn't want to be near him at that point. "So, what happened last night?" Joe asks, nearly giving me a heart attack. Shit, you scared me." I say with my hand on my chest, feeling my exuberant heartbeat. "Sorry, love." He sits down next to me. "I don't even want to talk about last night, but you saw the first part of it. I really didn't even want to do that, but he wouldn't quit, I had no choice in the matter. I'm sure we would have had sex right there if you hadn't come in for water." "I'm so sorry, what happened after that? I watched you two go into your bedroom, you weren't originally sleeping on the couch." "No, I wasn't... he still wouldn't give up on me owing him something because he wouldn't stop when we were in the living room. Basically... he uh... I know this is so stupid, we are in a relationship together, I may just be over reacting," I nervously laugh, "H-he forced me to have sex with him." "No, he didn't, I could see him doing that to a- to a groupie, but not you. You've been together almost two years, he couldn't just wait for you to be in the mood? I-I don't understand." Joe has the saddest look on his face that I have ever seen. "It was definitely him. We slept naked as we usually do, and Nikki kept saying that I was being a tease, he put his dick on me while I was trying to sleep, he kept touching me and I kept telling him "no". He just wouldn't give up... I eventually just stopped fighting it because I knew he wouldn't listen to me and I thought he might stop, I don't know. But he said "please, Mel" and I just told him "I don't care" instead of saying no or getting out of bed, so he fucked me and wouldn't let me get up until he came, so yeah, I hated every fucking second of that. I'm not saying he did, but I have been raped before and he knows it, Joe, so what he did is even worse for that reason alone." "Oh my god, Mel, I'm so sorry." He says and pulls me in for a hug. I finally can't hold back the waterworks, it's like someone un-kinked the water hose, I'm sure that I'm soaking his shirt. "Hey, I'm... back." Nikki says, poking his head out the door. "Stay away from her, I'm sure she doesn't want to talk to, or be around you right now." Joe stands up in front of me. "I'm her fiancé, if anything, I should be protecting her from you." He steps out onto the patio, closer to Joe. "You know what you did, it's fucking vile." "Thanks, Joe, but I have it from here." I say. "What the fuck did I do that was so wrong?" Nikki scoffs. "You fucking raped her, you piece of shit." Joe is nearly growling now. "Raped her? I didn't fucking rape her, she gave me consent, we are in a relationship, so just let me and her handle this, okay? I don't need you to get in the middle and fuck everything up." Nikki takes my hand and leads us to the bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind us. "First of all, I want to know why you told him anything." "Because he asked! Joe and I are good friends and he just wanted to know why I ended up sleeping on the couch, so it just all came out." I sigh. "Now he's going to think I'm some horrible rapist, Mel." "Nikki, I didn't give you consent, I didn't want to have sex with you last night... you technically did rape me, I guess. I don't know, it felt wrong! Just because we are in a relationship doesn't mean I owe you sex, you were the one who made me cum last night, you were the one who initiated all of it. I just didn't want to do it on the couch, but you wouldn't listen to me, "I don't care" is not a yes, I was just so tired of fighting you over it last night." After a minute, his face softens, he looks at me like someone told him his puppy ran away. "Oh my god," He sits on the bed and buries his face in his hands, "I'm so sorry, I-I don't know what I was thinking last night... Mel, I'm sorry." "You were high, weren't you?" I ask. "Y-yes, but I-" "No, I don't want to hear it. I am so fucking sick of how you act when you do drugs, I-it's just not acceptable, Nikki. You're mean and paranoid, you won't give up on shit that you want, you just... I don't know, you need help because I don't like who you are when you're under the influence. And as much as I hate to say this, we can't stay together if you continue to use, I just can't do this to myself." "Mel, please, don't say that." He stands up out of desperation. "I have to be honest, Nikki, I want us to be happy and have a loving, healthy, amazing relationship, but I don't want us to be miserable. You know that I love you so, so much, I don't want to leave you, I just don't want shit like this to happen ever again." I frown. "I'm sorry, I will do whatever it takes to make sure we are happy, I love you." "I don't know if I can believe you... not until things change." "Well, they will. I promise, Melody, you deserve better." I don't say anything, I have no idea what to say. "Anyway, I'm just going to stay here today and you all can go out and do whatever you'd like to do." He says. "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure, I just need to be alone for a little while."