BunnyPeach One Shots

The Sorrowness That Ruins

Pink Camellias. Pink Camellias symbolise longing.

When Jinyoung throws up those pink flowers,he knows that his heart is longing for a certain Mark Tuan's love. He experienced Hanahaki for the first time when Mark told him that he's likes someone else that isn't him. At first,Jinyoung thought he would be okay with it and move on like every other crushes he had but with Mark,it was different. No matter how much Jinyoung tried,his heart refuses to let Mark go and longs for the older.

Jinyoung knows he is stupid for refusing the surgery when it's still possible. His family and friends had all pleaded him to get the surgery,Jackson going as far to kneeling on his knees while holding Jinyoung's hands for dear life. Jinyoung's heart breaks at the sight of everyone feeling worried for him yet he didn't want to listen.

Jinyoung felt sorry for them. They just wanted to help him and avoid losing their close one but Jinyoung was stubborn. Jinyoung had let his heart control his thoughts and feelings. He wants to love Mark. No matter how much it was hurting and killing him,Jinyoung wants the feelings to stay. He got so used to it that he'd rather let it remain than removing them.

Because even if it kills him,it makes Jinyoung feel okay in a way.

A few months later,Mark got the one he loves and Jinyoung didn't. He threw up Petunias. Jinyoung knew it meant resentment and anger. He felt bitter and angry. But it wasn't towards Mark,it was towards Mark's loved one. How can she get him when Jinyoung was the one who loved Mark first? The one that opened Mark's heart first? The one that cherishes Mark more than anything. The one that loves Mark more than she could ever love.

The anger and bitterness soon settles down as Jinyoung slowly backed down from those aggressive and negative thoughts. If she makes him happy,then Jinyoung will be fine. Afterall, Petunias do also mean one's presence that soothes the other. Jinyoung feels soothed with only Mark's presence,no matter as a friend or lover.

The day Mark brought her to meet Jinyoung was when Jinyoung threw up Marigolds. He had to hold it in as the scratching in the throat kept on forcing Jinyoung to puke. He managed to hold it in until Mark leaves with her. They were so sweet and loving together. Jinyoung could literally see the love swirling in his eyes as Mark looks at her. He was jealous of her. Why can't Mark look at him the way he looks at her? Jinyoung starts yearning for it even though he knows very well that he will never get it.

Mark managed to find out about Jinyoung's sickness. It was an accident. The time he found out,Jinyoung had approximately a month left. He was pale and bony,weak unlike the past him,just unhealthy. He had been puking his hearts out when Mark came in after hearing wrenching sounds. Jinyoung cursed himself for not locking the bathroom door,he never wants Mark to see the weakest side of him. Jinyoung could never forget the fear in Mark's eyes when he caught the sight of the flowers floating in the toilet bowl. He had to pull him out of his senses by dragging him to his bed,finally pouring his secret to Mark.

Jinyoung knew Mark had suspected it,seeing his weak figure and constant refusal for hang outs. Jinyoung had spilled everything. Everything but the name of the person he loves dearly. He hoped it stayed that way. He didn't need Mark's pity. That was the last thing he wants,pity. It makes him feel even weaker than he is.

Mark had spent as much time as he could with Jinyoung. He had shed tears for Jinyoung but the younger knows those tears are just because he was losing a friend and not a lover. Jinyoung was okay with it. At least he meant something to Mark.

It was his last day. Jinyoung could feel it. His breathing was shallow,he could barely move his fingers. Mark was beside him,laying down with his head on his shoulder. They were talking about useless things until Mark finally asked the question.

"Who is it,Jinyoung?" Mark whispered hesitantly as he knew it was a sensitive topic.

"I guess I'll tell you. It makes no difference anymore. It's you,Mark. It's you who I've been in love for." Jinyoung smiled sadly,his hair carding through Mark's hair. He felt the other snap up in a sitting position as he stared at Jinyoung with widened eyes. Before Mark could say anything,Jinyoung interfered,"Don't do anything. Just stay as my friend. Just act normal. I don't need you to act weirdly just because of this."

"You could have told me earlier!"

"And what? Would that change anything?" Jinyoung sighed weakly,looking away.

Mark was speechless. It was true. He couldn't do anything about it because he didn't feel the same way. Mark believed he had gone insane because he made a decision and said something that he could never backed out from. "Yeah. It would because I feel the same as well. I only found solace from her because I didn't want to ruin anything between us."

Lies. Mark thought. He hated himself for lying. Yet,he continued the act by crashing his lips on Jinyoung's. It felt wrong. He wasn't supposed to do this. He shouldn't have done this. This was harming Jinyoung and himself.

When the kiss was cut off,Jinyoung only smiles gratefully and thanked Mark before closing his eyes. What Mark didn't know was that would be the last moment he had with Jinyoung,the person he lied to.

The night passed but Jinyoung never opened his eyes anymore. He never smiled anymore. He never sassed his friends anymore. He never attend their hangouts anymore. He never loved Mark anymore.

After Jinyoung's funeral,Mark threw up flowers.

Purple Hyacinths.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. Sorrow.