K L A N C E D // Klance One-shots

this fic is on crack

Keith and lance pick different kinds of names of their child

They're sitting in the dining table, facing each other with piles of Name books in front of them, some opened, some closed and some already ripped.

And Keith is so close from just jumping out of the window of their 27th apartment floor because seriously, Lance is going to be the death of him.

"How is Jessica rude and obnoxious?" He sighs, rubbing his eyes with a hand whilst ignoring the scandalous gasp his husband gives him.

"How?" Lance scoffs, "Have you ever heard of The Dork Diaries? Have you ever heard of Mackenzie Hollister? Do you know her best friend's name? Yeah, that's right. It's Jessica."

Keith gapes, "So? What does that have to do with our future child's name?"

"It has everything to do with our child's name! What if our child turns out to be as mean and bitchy as the Jessica in the book series?"

Keith sighs again. "Okay. What about Riley? It sounds lik a sweet and down to earth sorta girl."

"Riley?" Lance gasps at him, a hand dramatically on his chest, "Seriously?"

"Yes," Keith answers, "Riley."

"Like Riley hawk?"

"Who's that?"

Lance gives him the face. "Oh no one. Just the son of oNE OF THE BEST SKATEBOARDERS IN THE WORLD."

"How does that-"

"Keith! Do you want our daughter to skateboard, whichistotallyfineifyou'reupforitbecausegirlscandowhatevertheywantandnotfallunderfeminitypressure, bUT THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES OF HER FALLING AND HURTING HERSELF. WE CANT POSSIBLy DO THAT."

"Lance our daughter won't grow up to be a skater just because there's someone out there who skates and have the same name!"

"Really? Really, Keith?"

"Oh my god. Fine! What about Clarissa?"

"Nope. Nope. I had an ex named Clarrisa and she was kind of a twat."

"Seriously?"

Lance nods, "Seriously! She was also a tad bit racist and we can't have a racist child around! We need to educate her and teach her into becoming a loving, accepting daughter."

"Lance, I don't understand."

"You don't understand why we can't raise a racist child?"

Keith looks at him. "No," he sighs, "I mean I don't understand how your ex, who has fled to the other side of the world and has changed all her identity including her name, can directly influence our child by just a name?"

"Keith, baby," Lance looks into his eyes seriously, "Names influence everything."

"Emily then?"

"Too sweet. She'll appear fake."

"Samantha?"

"Nope. Too long. She'll change her name to Sam."

"Amanda?"

"Nope. That was my teacher's name and she was smelly."

"Bridget?"

"Mendler? Nope. Too Disney."

"Lindsay?"

"Lohan? Too UnDisney."

"Beverly?"

"Keith, do you want our child to be tormented by Pennywise?"

Keith clicks his tongue, standing up and throwing his hands up. "I give up. I'm tired. Why don't you pick yourself a name while I go sleep and try not to punch you in the face right now."

"Aw come on, Keith. I'm just careful with names, that's all."

"Well you don't see me complaining on any names! Names don't influence their personality!"

"They do!"

"Fine! Pick one! Just pick one! I'm fine with whatever!"

Lance perks up suddenly, his blue eyes brightening. "Oh my god! I got it! I got it!"

Keith sighs but he answers, "What? What's the name?"

Lance smiles, silent for a few seconds for dramatic effect.

"Allura!"

Keith smacks his head. "Fuck no. None of my children is going to reject some poor boy for the longest of time then suddenly liking him for no reason and ruining the entire ship of the show and breaking people's hearts and
letting people that have been supporting the entire show down and the point is, my child will not be named such. It's not her personally, just the show overall."

Lance looks at him, concerned. "Babe you okay?"

Keith smiles, teeth showing and wide. "Never been better. What about Hagar?"

"Great name! Sure!"

sorry allura stans i love allura don't kill me please all for fun