Blue haired teen (Billie Eilish)

36.

Billie's POV
Okay, what the fuck is going on?

I feel like absolute shit.

It feels like I've just woken up from death, and let me tell ya, I was in hell, there wasn't a heaven nowhere to be found.

Yesterday, this all started, I was surrounded by people all day. Mom and dad were there, Finneas was too and then there were six people that I feel like I've seen before, but I don't remember where I know them from, but I do remember that I know them though. They know me too, they've been calling me by my name and telling me stuff and tryna get me do stuff. I tried to lift up my arm once, that one feels so heavy, I feel like there are stones tied to it or something.

After some time all those people left, beside the one girl. When I had enough energy, I tried communicating with her. I know that I know her too, I've seen her before! I just don't remember where or when. She is gorgeous though.

When everyone was gone, I asked her to show me that one picture where I see me and her together, it was hanging up against the wall infront of me. I'm sitting in between her legs and play my guitar. We look like we were really close.

Is she my girlfriend? I really can't remember.

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I wake up because of someone entering the room, and by wake up I mean I get out of my sleep or whatever but I don't have the energy to let anyone know that I'm up in any way, so I just lay here. But I do hear voices.

"How's it going here?" A woman asks. "Good, I mean, I guess. Not better or worse then usual." The girl that I know answers. "Good, let's get started." The woman says. They undress me, but they're really gentle, trying not to hurt me. They redress me with other clothes and then I feel someone doing something with the tubes that are attatched to my arm.

Fuck I hate this. I feel like I could just wake up, but I can't. What the fuck?

Then someone else comes in. "Hey everyone." He says, it's Finneas, I could recognize his voice from miles away. I just want to wake up and bury my head in his chest and let him comfort me.

But again, I can't.

"Hey Finneas, how are you?" The girl that I know asks. "I'm good, is there news about Billie?" He asks.

Why does everyone act like something bad happend or so? It feels like everyone thinks I'm dying or some shit, I'm just right here and beside the fact that I don't know what the fuck is going on, I'm all good.

"Yeah, she had her eyes open yesterday night and asked to see that picture, I mean, she didn't ask, she pointed to it." The girl says.

"Oh my god, she really did? She interacted with you! That's so good!" Finneas says, sounding excited. "Do you want some coffee?" Finneas asks then. "I could use some." The girl answers and with that I here him leave the room again.

No Fin, don't leave!

But in less then 10 minutes he got back. "Here's your coffee, Alexis." Finneas says.

Alexis.

I remember, this girl is Alexis! She indeed is my girlfriend! Oh my god!

By the hearing of her name, it feels like memories came back.

Our first kiss, when I asked her to be my girlfriend, when she went down on me.

Fuck, I haven't had any pussy in what feels like ages, what the fuck.

Also bad memories come back, Austin. Where is Austin? I remember him being missing.

I remember I was at a party, dancing with someone, someone that wasn't Alexis. I remember looking at Instagram and breaking down.

Then I remember something else. 'Oh, that's what you want? Okay, we're done.'

We're done? Why? What went wrong? Did I cheat? Did she cheat?

I really can't, my mind is all over the place and I don't even know where I am.

I'll just lay here and let whatever happens, happen. I guess.

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Alexis' POV
I don't have to go to school, because Billie is actually waking up, so they decided I could stay here. The doctor says we shouldn't have too much to hope for, but Sophie says I can expect Billie to wake up before her birthday, even within the week.

Billie hasn't moved or opened her eyes yet today, but Sophie says that that's completely normal, because yesterday was probably a lot for her.

I just wonder if she went back to the deep coma type thing, or if she can actually still understand us. I hope for the last thing.

Finneas has been here since this morning, what I'm grateful for, he doesn't want to miss it when she wakes up and I mean actually wakes up, like talking.

"Maybe we should open a bag of takis in front of her nose, would the smell of it trigger her?" Finneas thinks out loud.

Wow that's smart! I haven't thought about this yet. That could actually help!

"Do you have some?" I ask, on which he nods. He takes a bag out of his backpack and hands it to me.

I open the bag. Her nostrils do quaver a litle, but that's it, nothing else.

She must really have used all her energy yesterday.

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Another day of just nothing goes by and it's time for the dialy visit of the doctor. He enters his room and smiles widely.

"I've heard about what happend last night and I'm happy to here about it. What's been up today?" He asks, looking from me to Finneas and back to me.

"Nothing, literally nothing." I sigh, shaking my head.

I've been trying to keep strong, for everyone, because at the end I'm the cause of this all. If Billie never had met me, she wouldn't have gotten in that car either. I feel like shit because living without Billie shows me that this isn't a life, I'm just a walking skeleton, nothing can make me happy, the only thing that keeps me strong is the hope that she will wake up one day and feeling like this makes me feel a worthless and selfish person, because I'm the reason that this all happend in the first place. So I shouldn't be feeling like shit, I shouldn't be feeling like breaking down every second of the day, Finneas and her parents and our friends, those are the people that are allowed to feel this way because they aren't the cause of this all, I just dragged them into this.

I'm a fucking horrible person.

I'm just so disgusted by myself.

I don't even understand why everyone sticks around and supports me, they shouldn't support me, they should hate me or something.

The doctor does his usual check up and leaves again. Usually he talks to us a little, but today not. He says he's running late, so yeah.

It just all sucks, I want to be able to tell her how much I love her and I want her to understand it and I just want everything to be like it used to be. This is all really dragging me down. It's killing me.