All In Yellow

Chapter 18, School again

Here I am. Its 4 in the morning and I haven't even closed my eyes once. I know I am sleepy, but I just can't deal with the dreams I know I will get; after the horrors I've done.

I am literally lying on my bed since four hours and yet not able to sleep. I just wish I don't look like a zombie tomorrow...

My overactive voice "Won't a vampire be cooler?"

My dear voice "Shut up"

I came home at 12; and trust me, the only thing I did was open and close the door. That's it. I didn't even bother changing; the dress wasn't THAT uncomfortable.

School starts in four hours, and I need to get up sharp at 6. After all, I don't want people to see me zombie like...or a vampire. Whatever.

The thing is; I lost it. Not only my temper but also my brain at that point of time. Couldn't I have seen what this would result to? Shailene may kill anyone. I sweared loads...which I only do when I'm angry. Oh god! What the hell have I done?!

Just like she killed Olivia; she may kill someone else too...and fuck me! I even told her Julian's name! I can be such a bitch!

"Oh relax, she won't kill Julian once she has seen him, she will fall in love with his body!" interrupts my overactive voice again

As thought; a reply also chimes in "Shut up"

Realizing that this argument won't at all help me anyways rather than making me even more anxious than I already am, I get up and take out the diary.

The little diary 'all in yellow' demands what happened today. And I can't deny that. Infact, it has gotten everything with me. From the start till the end.

Shailene always persisted that I shouldn't write it all down, as it increases the chances of anyone to KNOW; I didn't agree to it.
I felt and still feel that although I didn't tell anyone, I can't bury this up in myself forever. It just doesn't feel right.

And I begin writing...

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I again hear my bird alarm. I had slept on the table, with my diary in front of me. I had completed the previous night, filling in every single detail. Rubbing my eyes, I check my phone.

what the hell...

Its 7:45!

Goddamn man! School starts in 15 minutes. Why can't I just die?!

I work like a robot; which is set in a super fast speed. I never knew I could do this much in such a short time of 15 minutes...brushing my teeth and combing my hair and taking a bath and deciding what to wear and putting on the jeans and wearing my shoes, which I wore wrong; the left shoe on the right foot and right one on the left; and making breakfast and eating breakfast and calling Jessy to bring along a world map for geography and don't ask what not.

I am now sitting in my car, driving as fast as hell. I don't usually drive like this, but trust me...Time makes me. If the police catches me driving like this, Oh I won't be alive.

the world turns; literally, as I reach school sharp at 8. Aren't I amazing?

Parking my car, I am again surrounded by people I hardly know. It's common, but I still don't like it. Isn't it better to just stay with your friends rather than making other people's lives a hell?

Bern; the nerd, one of the only people I know, speaks "You didn't complete your essay did you? Oh I hope not, I don't want to tie up with you again!"