All In Yellow

Chapter 22, Start

"Sorry...couldn't get along" I finally say, after ages.

Advice for you people, always play dumb when you don't want to understand.

"Oh please. You know what I am fucking talking about. There's absolutely no need to act all dumb. Grow up and face it. I don't even know what to call you. Choose yourself - a bitch, or a scoundrel, or dumbass, or twat; Oh! you can even choose something of your own choice!" Julian says. Ouch, that hurt.

Ok fine, screw that advice; its always better to say the truth.

"How about 'Shai'?" I ask.

"Mind elaborating?" Julian asks; and I can see all through him. His current state is due to me. He found out everything. Every single fucking thing. His voice sounds angry, but I sense the hurt and betrayal down there too, which is present in much more quantity than the anger.

Guilt settles down on me.
He told me everything. Every single thing. From when his pup died, when his little sister Kyra won a silver medal in racing, from his boring relative parties, to the death of his aunt. Everything.

And here me?
I didn't even tell him my real name. Forget everything else.

"Look Julian - " I start, but I am stopped by him.

"No listen to me! How could you?! I don't know most of the things right now, but lets just state it okay? Remember it was my parent's anniversary?
We went to that posh hotel. No need to mention the name, you already know which one it was don't you. After all; you have to have common sense." He argues.

"The one I went to. To meet Shailene." I completed, breathing heavily.

"That's right. Totally. Yeah so back again, I saw you sitting with a girl. I at first was very surprised that I found you there, with a smile on my face; I went to talk to you. Just as I was about to poke your shoulder and to scare you; I saw the person saying your name.
To be specific, a name I had never heard before 'Linda Lovette Parker'
is that right miss?" Julian questions.

"That's exact." I sigh, how can this be happening?

"I at first thought that she was teasing you; but then I heard that she is 'Shailene Collins'. The real one. I considered it a joke that you would turn around and say 'Oh Julian, we were just joking...did you get fooled?' but none of this happened.

you shook hands with her. I noticed your faces clearly and saw that she looked like you. Exactly like you. You had a twin and you never bothered to tell me that. How could you Shai?" Julian chokes.

Damn, he shouldn't cry. He doesn't deserve that; and that too because of me, who is the shittiest person living. He called me Shai, just like I asked him to...but that name aches now. I don't deserve to be given a cute name like that, that too by a person as sweet as him.

This is best for him but. I can't get him into danger. The last time I had told Olivia...

"Julian. Listen to me now please. Whatever I did, was for the best; and you don't deserve to be thrown in the messy world of mine. It's for your better I swear. I can't risk you" I declare.

It's better for him. If he is unknown to this fact, no one will be able to hurt him. And I seriously can't live if something happens to him and the reason for it is me.

"Yeah so you mean you kept me in the dark and that was for the best. I told you every little thing, I wasn't even this close with my friends to tell them everything. And you kept me in the dark.
And you call your world messy, I could help you solve it! 'It's better to share the trouble with some one rather than keeping it inside yourself. It shares the pain'" he stated.

He had quoted me. Me when his mother had got a heart attack.

Did I mention that hurt?

"I'm sorry Julian. But it's to keep you safe. I can't loose you too." I say softly.

That caught his attention.
"You too?
Who else knew this and died?"

This is the least I can say.

"Olivia Kent. My best friend; who died because of me." I cry out. Literally.

A tear escapes my eye, I didn't even know it was there until Julian wiped it off with his hand.

"How?" He asks softly.

"She was the only person I told all this to. And she died. Right in front of my eyes. She was shot, by David. He hadn't even told Shailene! He just reached his gun in his pocket and killed her right in front of my eyes! I still remember her last words. They ain't never leaving me.
She told me, out of breath 'You need to get out.' with that she caressed my neck and slept forever!" I weep, barely audible to myself.

"But I'm ready to take the risk. I ain't letting you go through all that yourself." He says and slowly but sweetly kissed me.

Damn, missed that.
But I am not loosing that.

"But I'm not ready to take the risk. Via was very special to me. Even more than the friends I have got; but now, you are the closest person to my heart.
It isn't simple to loose someone you love. And taking the risk is even tougher than jumping off the cliff." I state, with finality.

"You know, I never knew you could be this mature. I always thought of you as a sixteen year old girl with the heart of a little kid. Acting so mature doesn't suite you." He says.

"How do I even reply to this?"

He laughed, and I felt relieved. The weight of mount everest has been lifted off my shoulders.

"By not being so mature. That's how you reply to it." He said between those laughs. "And yeah, by not letting another tear fall of your eyes, cause it feels that it stabs my heart" he says again.

"Ok fine. Everything is fine now? You are not breaking up with me are you?" I ask; that question was really troubling me.

"Never." He smiles, and I feel a party going on inside my brain, my heart; where all my organs are dancing happily. "But" he starts "you have to tell me everything" he says with finality.

"No - " I start, but I am cut off.

"Yeah I know what you are going to say. No need for it. I ain't saying that I'm blackmailing you to tell me so that we could go on in a relationship, but you telling me that, would make life easier for both you and me. I am not pressurising you, it's your choice; but I can't let you carry the load yourself. It's too much. Why fear when Julian is here?" He chuckles.

How can I debate that.

"Fine. Mom has a shift the day after for a week I guess, and dad is gone off some time, my place?" I sigh.

I have to tell him.
He deserves it.