War of Hormone

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Yoongi blinks, and I have to wonder if he heard me. Or maybe he wants to reject me yet doesn't know how. In any case, my courage and confidence are quickly plummeting.

"Oh, uh," he stammers. "Of course."

He steps aside to welcome me in.

"Are you sure?" I ask taking a step forward.

"Yes. Absolutely. I, uh...just surprised."

I give him a shy smile to match his own. Yoongi and I are rarely alone. This is honestly the first time we've been in his room together.

I take a moment to look around as he closes the door behind me and throws some scattered clothes and books in his closet. It's pretty basic as far as rooms go. There's a bed, a computer desk, some dressers, a bookshelf, and a TV. I'm not surprised. Yoongi spends so much time at his studio that he's only ever home to sleep and sometimes eat. However, it smells like him. And that makes it feel comforting...safe. It makes it feel like home.

We stand awkwardly for a minute, trying to figure out what's next. I don't know what it is, but Yoongi makes me feel like a schoolgirl again. It's not that I'm scared. It's just that I'm anxious around him. I want him to like me as well as love me. I want to be someone he enjoys spending time with, someone he considers a friend as well as a lover.

"Do you want to..." He gestures towards the bed.

"Oh. Yes." I strip off my robe and kick off my slippers. "Is there a particular side you prefer?"

Why do I sound so weird, even to my ears? I've been living with this man for two months. Why am I acting as if we're strangers?

"Ah...sleep on this side," he says, pointing to the side closest to the wall.

"Any special reason?" I inquire, making my way over there.

"Because it's away from the door. If something bad happens, I can protect you."

I smile yet don't argue.

I settle under the covers while Yoongi hits the lights and then turns on a bedside lamp.

"Do you want to watch tv?" he asks, picking up the remote.

I shrug and smile softly against his pillow. "Whatever you want."

Yoongi grins nervously. "Ah...ok. Uh, music?" He picks up his phone.

"That sounds great."

He puts on a chill playlist that features mostly American artists. However, Yoongi barely looks at me. And while we're lying side by side, he seems so far away.

"Yoongi?"

"Yes?" he replies looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you...are you ok? You seem nervous."

He swallows and I watch as his throat bobs up and down. "I, uh, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Because I can leave. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, especially in your own room."

I make a move to get up but he reaches out and grasps my hand.

"No. Don't leave. I just..." He wets his lips with his tongue. "I've never had a woman in here. In my bed."

"Oh."

"And, uh, I've never been like this with someone I..."

He lets the rest of his sentence dissipate, turning to me with an apology in his eyes. However, he still holds my hand.

"You know how I feel about you, right?" I say just above a whisper.

He nods.

"I would never, ever want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like you're being pressured in any way. If being like this is too much too soon, I can—"

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