1 year.
1 girl.
And the 7 men who own her heart.
When she applied for the job, she thought she'd just be teaching in South Korea and getting a fresh start. Little did she know, she'd be signing up to shred her soul into seven little pieces.
Best ra...
It's all I can manage to spit out before I turn and trudge into my room, closing the door much more forcefully than I intend. I'm not mad at anyone but myself. And embarrassed. So damn embarrassed for unloading on Namjoon like that in front of his members. He must hate me; they all must hate me. Yet their distaste could never amount to how much I hate myself.
"So fucking stupid," I mutter as I belly-flop onto my bed. I scramble to grab my pillow and bury my face in it to muffle my frustrated screams. "I'm so fucking stupid!"
And I am. I know I'm a tragic mess who doesn't deserve to even breathe the same air as the seven most perfect men in existence, let alone deserve their care and concern. Yet here I am—stewing in my fuckedupness while those same men probably feel like they have to walk on eggshells around the unstable, irrational woman that's invaded their lives and their home. They've risked so much for me...given so much to me. And I managed to make them feel guilty for it.
A soft knock sounds on the other side of my bedroom door and I sit up. I suspect it's Jimin coming to see if I'm ok and lend a compassionate, albeit unearned, listening ear. Or maybe even Hobi wondering what the fuck is wrong with me and coming to chastise me for my rudeness. But when I call out an invitation to enter, I'm surprised to find that it's none other than the kind, patient eldest.
Jin steps in cautiously and shuts the door behind him. His expression wary, he takes a moment to assess my red-rimmed eyes and slightly trembling bottom lip before coming to sit beside me.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Are you alright?"
I nod. Then I think better of it and give him the truth. I shake my head. "God, Jinnie, I'm so sorry. I messed up. I didn't mean...I didn't mean any of it."
He gently eases my head down to rest on his broad shoulder. "I know. It's ok to be scared, you know? We're all scared too. I think maybe he is more scared than anyone."
I sit up straight so I can look at him. "Why do you say that?"
"Because he has to keep us together—he has to make sure we are still one team—even if we are broken. He is used to taking care of us as a group but we all take care of him as a family. And you...you are our family too. And he's afraid to lose you. He's afraid he can't fix things for you when he is used to fixing things for everyone. And he's afraid he can't lead us well if he is hurting inside. And he is hurting. He won't show it, but he is."
My heart clenches at the sound of Jin's earnest explanation and I don't even realize I'm crying until he reaches over to dry my cheeks with the soft pads of his thumbs.
"Namjoon-ah carries the weight of Bangtan on his shoulders," Jin soldiers on. "But he carries you in his heart. And it's the heaviest to bear because he feels helpless. We all do. Nae sarang, we know we could never understand your pain. But maybe we can ease it? Just a little? If you will let us. You're not alone anymore. No matter what, you'll never be alone again."
