The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 2

Jamie

I went over to Erin's parents to collect Benji at about 2.30pm. I dried my tears, threw on a thick wooly scarf to hide all my hickeys, some sweats and a hoodie (my own hoodie) and walked over. There's no way I'm fit to operate a moving vehicle today. Erin's folks were nice, and Benji was happy to see me. They told me Erin was spending the day at the palace with Jay, I hadn't read any of my messages so I didnt know this already. I was relieved that Jay and Erin weren't at her parents house. They might have wanted to do something crazy like talk to me. And I didn't wanna do that.

I still don't. I'm sitting on the bench in my back yard, knees up, hugging them close to my chin, watching Benji lazily sniff around the trees at the foot of the garden. This feels like the safest place to hide in my own home. If I go inside, I have no escape route if someone comes over. At least out here, I can run out the back gate if I hear someone come into the house. A pretty stupid plan, what if I get robbed? Whatever, I don't wanna see anyone right now, robbers included.

Why do Jay, Joel and Patrick have keys to my garage again? I don't want them showing up today. Even though I know for sure Joel won't because he's in New York with Sarah. And I'm pretty sure Jay won't because he's in his honeymoon phase with Erin, they wanna be alone right now. Kinda like how I'd expected things to be between me and Noah after he finally admitted his feelings for me that night at the beach. No such luck.

The only person I would have expected to show up here today under normal circumstances, is Patrick. He would have came over, at a loose end without Joel. We probably would have jammed for a while, then I would have told him to quit drumming because of my hangover. He would have listened to me playing my soothing hangover songs on my acoustic guitar, scrolled through social media on his phone, thrown a shoe at me when I started playing that One Direction song he hates. I would have thrown the shoe back at him and told him to admit he likes the song. He would have told me to fuck off, then asked if I wanna watch a movie, or if I ever intend to walk the damn dog. I'd tell him to put on a movie, but he'd let me pick. We'd watch one of my chick flicks (hangover essential) and he would sit through it without a single complaint. I'd be wearing his hoodie the entire day, and probably the TS headband too.

But none of that's gonna happen today. I know he won't come over.

When I got back with Benji, I finally read my messages. Aubrey wished me a happy new year, so did my dad. Jay and Joel both wrote happy new year in our group chat (nothing from Patrick) and Joel sent in a picture of him and Sarah in Times Square. Erin messaged me asking where Patrick and I got to last night. I replied telling her we got a cab back to North Bridge for reasons unknown, we were both drunk. No word of a lie there. She read my text and she hasn't replied, she won't think anything of it. She's busy being loved up with Jay. I wondered why Jay hasn't asked me and Patrick where we got to in our group chat, but that's easy, he's with Erin, and she's all he's thinking about. She'll have told him I replied and he'll have shrugged it off, just like her.

I had expected at least one message from Noah after his unexpected phone call earlier, but nothing. I'm glad, I don't wanna talk to him again today.

I even half expected a message from Patrick. I don't know why, after the way he just walked out of my garage. But nothing. He's only been gone for about two hours, so maybe he will message me. I sent the bland "happy new year" message into our group chat, after reading Jay and Joel's messages. Normally, I would have added in "love you guys". But I can't do that today. I don't know if I'll ever tell them that again.

Benji trots back inside through the open patio doors, and I decide to follow him. It's cold, and I didn't bother getting a blanket or putting on a coat.

I close the patio doors and lock them (I really don't want any visitors the rest of the day) and I have a total lightbulb moment. If I put my key in the lock of the garage door, no one will be able to unlock it from the outside. Jesus, why have I never thought of this before? Easy, because I never worried about any of the guys showing up unannounced before. That's why I gave them keys in the first place. But today, I don't wanna see them. Well, one of them. And even though I'm certain he won't come back here anyway, I go down to put my key in the lock. But when I get into the garage, I notice something on the couch that wasn't there before.

Patrick's old hoodie, and the TS headband.

He must have came back. When? When I was sitting out back, or when I went over to Erin's parents? I decide it doesn't really matter.

I walk over to the couch and pick up his stuff. Not my stuff, Patrick's stuff. This feels like some kind of peace offering, and I do appreciate it. But it's not gonna fix everything. It's not gonna make what happened magically go away. We don't just default back to normal now.

But still, I immediately throw the headband around my hair, then I discard the hoodie I'm wearing and replace it with Patrick's one. It smells like whiskey and his cologne. I love it. I can't deny that.

I consider messaging him and thanking him. But I don't. I haven't heard from him since he left, and I think he's the one that needs to break this silence. He's the slut. He's the man whore. He's the player. I'm the stupid, naive, emotional girl who wants the real deal. I want to get knocked over and completely fucked up in the head by love. Patrick wants to sleep with as many girls at NBU as he can before he graduates. He needs to apologise to me. He shouldn't have kissed me, and given me five million hickeys, and let me take the majority of his clothes off, and given me that line about me being the girl for him, and slept in my bed...

Okay, so I begged him to kiss me at midnight. Whatever. And okay, it was just a peck. So I was the one who took the kissing game to the next level. He shouldn't have let me. I was so drunk. Okay, he was drunk too... But still! I was upset about Noah, I was vulnerable. And Patrick kept talking down about Noah. He totally played me! He belittled my current love interest and filled my head with crap about how he's liked me as more than a friend for almost six years... He was just playing me to try and sleep with me, like he always does with every other girl he talks to.

But he didn't sleep with me, and god knows I wanted him to. He didn't even take my dress off, even though I practically ripped all of his clothes off of him...

I'm too confused. I need to stop thinking about this. So I decide to do what I do best when I'm hungover and feeling sorry for myself. Hell, throw in a little heart break too. I have no idea what's happening with Noah. I could message him and get more information, but he hasn't messaged me after we spoke on the phone. And honestly, I don't wanna know what he's thinking. Not right now, at least. So anyway, I decide to get the cookie dough out and watch When Harry Met Sally.

I'm so unpredictable.

I head up to my room with my ice cream and a spoon (and more aspirin and a bottle of water) and as soon as I step inside, a fresh wave of sadness hits me.

I look at the rumpled up sheets on my bed, and I'm reminded of what I was doing less than three hours ago. I sigh, turn my TV on, grab the remote and collapse onto my bed.

It's getting dark now, but I don't turn my bedside lamp on. I welcome the darkness right now, and besides, who likes watching movies with the lights on? Not me, anyway. Although eating ice cream in the almost darkness is a bad idea. I don't care. I need to wash these bedsheets anyway. They smell like him. So much so, I consider going into the spare room or my dad's room. But I don't.

I'm wearing his old hoodie, and his stupid headband, and I'm surrounded by intimate memories of him. Even the fucking movie is reminding me of him now, and for the first time in my life I'm dreading my favourite scene in this movie. The part where Harry rushes over to Sally's New Year's Eve party and gives her that big speech about all the things he loves about her and tells her he's not just saying all this stuff because it's New Years Eve...

Harry and Sally were friends for years.

My thoughts race. I barely concentrate on the movie at all, and I barely touch my ice cream. I can't believe I slept through the entire morning. We got back here... When exactly? I know we left South Bridge at around 2am. It was late, and I have no idea how long all the kissing went on for before we finally went to sleep...

Its still early evening, but I am fucking exhausted and my racing thoughts (as well as my hangover) are starting to make me feel sick. Benji is snoring at the foot of my bed, so I decide to start the movie over from the beginning, (purely to avoid actually watching that scene at the end) curl up underneath my blanket that reminds me so much of Patrick now, and let sleep find me.