The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 5

Jamie

I shake my head quickly, snapping myself out of this haze. I'm not drunk this time, I won't let myself get hypnotised by Patrick again. He looks down at the space between us on the couch and exhales slowly.

"Do you remember what we talked about when we got back here? Before you dragged me up to your room and started taking all my clothes off?" He's still not looking at me, and I feel my embarrassment warm my cheeks.

"I don't remember much talking, Patrick. No." I am so fucking mortified. What the hell did I say to him?

He looks up at the ceiling again and starts playing with his lip ring like he does when he's nervous. He's clearly struggling with something. But whatever it is, I wanna hear it. I need to hear it, so we can try to clear this mess up.

"Just tell me." I say, trying to sound confident. Whatever I said to him can't be that bad, right?

He takes a deep breath then looks me dead in the eye.

"I'm gonna tell you. Again. Because I think you know deep down now anyway." He pauses and sighs. "But once I do, you have to promise me you won't freak out and run outta here and tell Jay and Joel. Or Erin. Or anyone, really. I'm serious, Jamie. This has to stay between us now."

I nod my head slowly, wondering what the fuck I said to him. I make a silent vow never to drink shots again. At least not until I'm twenty-one.

"Okay." He looks up again, then brings his gaze back down to meet mine. "I said I don't date because I already met the girl for me years ago, and you know I was talking about you. That's why you kissed me again in the hotel, right? Well, when we got back here, you kept bringing it up. You said you didn't believe me, and you thought I was just playing you. So I tried to convince you that I was telling the truth." He pauses and rakes his hands through his hair again. I don't move. I can't breathe. 

"So I told you about the first time we met. How Jay, Joel and I had met up after school and walked over to your house. Jay told us how sad you were about your mom, and how you kept telling him you didn't wanna jam with us. He told us you didn't know we were coming, so chances were you'd be pissed. We were totally prepared. And just before we came around the block to your house, Jay told us you were strictly off limits. Joel and I both laughed at him and said we weren't interested in that, we just wanted to see if you wanted to start a band with us. And that was it. He never mentioned it again, none of us guys did. But when I walked in here and saw you that day. You were sitting right there, playing The Chain on your guitar. I don't know. I'd never really noticed you before, but when I saw you that day..."

He shakes his head a little and runs his tongue over his lip ring, looking down at the space between us. He looks extremely stressed, he needs a second to get his shit together. I don't move, and I don't speak. I need to hear all of this, so I give him time to compose himself.

"I knew it was gonna be difficult, being in a band with you. But I didn't wanna mess it up for any of us. And after a few weeks, when I realised how awesome we were as a band and how much we all just clicked, I knew I had to try and get over how I felt about you..." Hold up, I need to butt in here.

"Woah, woah, woah." I cut him off, holding my hands up in disbelief. "After a few weeks? What the hell are you talking about? We were always with Joel and Jay in the beginning, we barely spent any time alone, I don't understand. How could you... You couldn't have..."

"We don't really get a choice with these things, Jame." He looks down again and sighs. "But I knew I had to just try to ignore it and move on. If we were serious about this band thing, which I knew we were, I couldn't risk screwing things up by telling you I liked you. And besides, you'd never given any indication that you liked me that way, so." He sighs again. This is so hard for him.