The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 30 (Noah)

Noah

She's not reacting. That's what I expected though. But I can't tell what she's thinking, and I don't like it. She doesn't look angry, she doesn't look hurt or disappointed. But she's not breaking our eye contact.

After what feels like ten minutes of silence, I decide to explain myself.

"It was someone I used to know. A girl from High School. It wasn't planned, but I saw her at a party and got talking to her, and it sort of just happened. I wanted to tell you so that you can make an informed decision about me. About us."

I set my beer down on the coffee table next to me, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees. I rub my face with both hands before looking up at her. She isn't looking at me anymore, she's drinking her wine and looking over at the window. She's probably thinking about leaving. Leaving my dorm, and leaving me. I don't want either of those things to happen.

"I've been so confused, Jamie." I admit. It's true, I have. "You know I never expected any of this." I gesture my hands between the two of us. "But I realise now that I don't want to lose you. I want you in my life, only you, no other girl."

She's still looking out the window. Why hasn't she said anything yet? I don't like this.

"Jamie, what are you thinking?" I ask, a little afraid of what her answer might be.

Her eyes don't leave the window. She takes another sip of her wine before she speaks. "I slept with someone else, too."

Her eyes meet mine, and for a second I think she's kidding. Or lying. Yeah, she wants me to know how hearing something like this feels. And it does not feel good. In fact, I have never felt this way before in my life. I want to break something, and I want to shout at her and tell her to get the fuck out of my dorm. But I also want to kiss her and take her to bed and make sure she knows that she's mine. She should only be mine now. We've gotten through so many obstacles, Shaun Campbell, all the other girls, we're past this now. We shouldn't be with other people. We should be together. I see that now. Christ, if this is what jealousy feels like, I never wanna feel this way again.

"Are you serious?" I ask her, still hoping this is some kind of cruel joke of hers.

She nods her head slowly, staring right into my eyes. I can't believe this, but I can't give her shit about it either. I've done the exact same thing. How could I be mad at her right now?

"Was it Shaun?" I ask. I don't know why that matters. I hope it wasn't Shaun.

"No, but Shaun did kiss me last night." She says. This is just getting better and better. "I went to a party at his dad's house, it was an unwelcome kiss. I left soon after that."

She looks down at the mug she's holding in her lap. She looks so sad. And suddenly all I wanna do is comfort her and tell her that this is okay, we can forget about it and move on. I reach forward and take the mug from her, placing it down on the coffee table next to my beer. I take both of her hands in mine, which surprises her. I just need her to know how serious I am about her now.

"Jamie, I want us to be official. I want you to be my girlfriend." I say this so confidently, with no hesitation whatsoever. I'm proud of myself for that at least.

"You're just saying that because you found out I slept with someone else." She continues looking down at our hands in her lap, I wish she would look up at me.

"I'm not. Ask Zach and Kim, or Sarah. I decided I was gonna ask you out tonight days ago." She's still not looking at me. "Jamie, I've been thinking about this a lot. I did a stupid thing going home with that girl, but it's made me realise what I want. I only wanna be with you."

I rub her hand with my thumb, trying to reassure her that I am in fact a decent guy in spite of all these things I've done. I haven't exactly acted like a decent guy, but I will from here on out. I will, for her.

"What do you want, Jamie?" I ask her quietly.

She sighs and looks over at the window again. And the realisation punches me in the stomach. I haven't heard from her these past few days, and now she's telling me she slept with some other guy. Was she planning on walking away from me? Is that why she came here tonight, to tell me to fuck off for good? I feel sick.

"Did you come here to end things with me?" I ask her, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

"I don't know." She looks up, trying to stop the tears that are threatening to escape from her lashes. I hate seeing her cry. I hate being the reason behind it even more. "I just wanted to tell you about what I did. The rest, I'm unsure about."

She looks so sad. This is hurting her so much and I fucking hate it. I get up and sit next to her on the couch, still holding both of her hands in mine on her lap. She looks up at me before taking a shaky breath. She's trying so hard not to cry right now.

"Just cry, Jamie." I say, brushing my thumb over her cheek as her first tear streams down. I catch it with my thumb and wipe it away. "We can get past this, I know we can. I've been so indecisive about everything, but I know how I feel about you now. I always have, I've just been too afraid to..." I pause. I don't wanna say this word, but I need to prove that I'm serious about her. "...commit. I'm ready now. I'm not gonna so much as look at any other girl now, if it means you'll be mine."

I wipe away a couple of fresh tears from her cheeks then tilt her chin upwards so that she'll look at me. She isn't wearing any make-up, and she's crying, but she's still the most stunning girl I have ever seen in my life. How could I have slept with someone else? And how could I have been so stupid to think that she wouldn't do the same thing? This needs to stop. We need to make this commitment to each other. She needs to be mine, no one else's.