The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 31

Jamie

I can’t believe he hasn’t asked me for further details about my indiscretion. But I know it’s coming. I’m not getting off with this that easily. Okay, Noah slept with some girl he knows in New York. I thought he just made out with her, so at least he’s being honest about it. If this is even the same girl that he’s talking about? God, I don’t know. And I don’t really care. The bottom line is, I can’t trust him. Even if we were to become an official couple, every time he went to a party or went for drinks with the Track Team or went home to New York without me, I would wonder what he was getting up to. As much as he tries to say we can move past this, I just don’t think we can. We may not have officially been a couple when we slept with other people, but I don’t think that matters. We were dating, and its inexcusable behaviour on both our parts.

So why is he being so cool about this? I feel like he just wants to be official with me now because he found out I was with someone else. But, he says he made his mind up about this days ago. Days ago. While I was lying in bed with Patrick and falling asleep with my head on his chest.

Patrick. I’m sitting here with Noah, hearing him say all the things I need to hear right now. And if it weren’t for Patrick, I would probably be hugging Noah and telling him I wanna be his girlfriend. But I don’t think I do. It doesn’t feel right. Sitting here with him like this, I almost feel guilty. I should feel guilty about sleeping with Patrick, but I feel guiltier about having Noah’s hands holding on to both of mine, and having his thumb brush the tears away from my cheeks. I shouldn’t be here with Noah. I should be with Patrick. I should be…

I should be with Patrick.

“Talk to me, Jamie. What are you thinking?” Noah’s voice surprises me away from my train of thought.

“I… I don’t know.” I tell him. And it’s honest. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in that head of mine right now. It’s confusing the hell out of me, and I need to watch what I say.

“That’s understandable. This is a lot.” Noah nods and looks down, before letting go of my hands to reach for his beer and my wine. “Here.”

I take a sip of wine and it helps calm my tears down. I wipe away the last of my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. Attractive. But I don’t care about that, Noah shouldn’t either if he really means what he’s saying.

“Do you… need time?” He asks tentatively, like he’s afraid of the answer.

Do I need time? Fuck only knows. All that I know is, I need to get out of here. I need to get out of this dorm before anything else can be said.

“I need space.” I tell him quietly, looking him in the eye for the first time in a while.

He nods enthusiastically. “Totally, take all the time you need. Get some space.”

“Thanks, Noah.” I stand up and set my mug back down on to the coffee table.
He stands up quickly, taking a hold of both of my hands again.

“I’ll wait for you.”

My eyes meet his and I swallow hard. I don’t know how to respond, other than giving him a small nod. I need to get out of here. So I let go of his hands and rush over to the front door. Without another word, I open the door and leave, not looking back as I rush down the stairwell.

As soon as I’m outside I feel my head spin a little. It could be the wine, or it could be the massive bombshell Noah just dropped on me. He wants me to be his girlfriend, properly. I don’t know what I was expecting just now, but it was not that. I thought he’d be pissed about me sleeping with someone else and tell me to fuck off. But, no. Quite the opposite.

As I make my way home through the darkened streets I consider calling Aubrey or Jay to talk about this. I need advice. I can’t work through these emotions on my own. But there’s only one person who has all the facts, and so there’s only one person who is fully equipped to give me real advice right now. That person just happens to be the only person I really wanna see right now anyway.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I make my way over to Patrick’s apartment.

When I get there, I’m aware that it’s after midnight and there’s a good chance that he’s asleep already. But I don’t care, I need to talk to him. I’m hesitant to press their buzzer, but if Joel answers the door, well, I can have a talk with him.

“Hello?” The voice on the intercom is sleepy, and it’s Joel’s.

“Joel, its Jamie! Let me up!”

He buzzes me up, and soon after I’m stepping into Patrick and Joel’s living room. Joel is wearing loose cotton sweats and nothing else. This is a very rare occasion, I’ve only seen Joel topless a handful of times. Sarah is a very luck lady indeed. But I don’t care about that.

“What time is it?” He asks me groggily, rubbing his eyes.

“After midnight.” I reply briskly. “Is Patrick asleep?”

I look back to the hallway separating the living room and kitchen from Patrick and Joel’s bedrooms. Joel seems to come alive a little as he realises there must be something going on here. I don’t care, I’m too fired up to care about Joel’s judgment. I just wanna talk to Patrick. So I make my way out of the living room and down the hallway. I ignore Joel’s whispered protests from behind me as I push Patrick’s bedroom door open. I flick the light switch on, and find his bed empty. He’s not here.

“Where is he?” I ask Joel sharply as he joins me in Patrick’s room.

“I honestly don’t know.” Joel’s eyes scan the room curiously, he’s telling the truth. “We went to bed at the same time, we’d been drinking so he left his car at the Grill.”

I storm past Joel in an attempt to get out of the apartment, but he grabs my arm and stops me.

“What’s going on, Jamie? Did you talk to Noah?” Hearing him say Noah’s name brings on a fresh wave of emotional instability, and I feel my throat tighten again.

“Let go of me, Joel!” I manage to choke out, past the oncoming tears.

“No, look at you, you’re upset.” He guides me back into the living room. I consider resisting, but what’s the point? He’s one of my best friends, and if Patrick’s not around he is the second best option for who to confide all of this in.

“What happened with Noah? And why are you so desperate to talk to Patrick?” He asks me gently as he pours a glass of water from the sink in the kitchen. “You’re my best friend, Jame. You know I won’t judge you.”

He hands me the glass and gestures for me to sit down. I remain standing.

“I know Patrick likes me.” I look Joel dead in the eye, I want to see how he’ll react.

“I know that.” He doesn’t even blink. “Which is why I told you I won’t judge. Now come on, tell me what’s going on.”

“If we’re gonna do this,” I say. “You need to put a shirt on.” I gesture at his naked torso. “I don’t need any distractions.”

Joel rolls his eyes and swats me over the head playfully before leaving the living room to go and get a shirt. I take a deep breath and sit down, waiting for him to come back. I guess this right here is one of the differences between my relationship with Joel and my relationship with Patrick that I never really noticed before. Upon my arrival, Patrick would have immediately panicked and ran to his room to throw a shirt on. I don’t know why, his body is perfect. But I do know why, because he’d be conscious of sitting around in his apartment with me, half naked. Joel never even gave it a second thought, because he knows it’s no big deal. It’s blowing my mind how much I’m noticing all these little things now.

Joel returns with a plain white t-shirt on now, and a blanket. He sits down next to me on the sofa and throws the blanket over us both.

“So, I have a feeling New Year’s Eve would be a good place to start?” He asks me softly.

I nod and take a sip of water. It’s time to tell Joel the truth.