The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 43 (Patrick)

Patrick

What the fuck am I doing here? Why did I even agree to this? I should have called and cancelled hours ago. I should have apologised to Amanda and told her I don't wanna lead her on. I'm a dick. I'm an asshole. She deserves better than me. Every girl does.

But I didn't cancel on her, so here I am, sitting in the Grill waiting for her like we planned. I was gonna order a Jack and Coke, but I need to keep a clear head. My decision making has been off the fucking charts shitty so far today, so I'm just having a beer. This is fucking awful. Why am I doing this, why?!

I look around, checking to see if she's here yet. I'm standing by the bar on the middle level, it seemed like the best place to lay low. A few people have recognised me already though. After the first Hey you're the drummer from The Middle, right? I realised meeting at the Grill was a stupid fucking idea. I don't know why I don't really wanna be seen here with Amanda. Well, that's not true, I know exactly why. Because I have no intention of ever seeing her again after tonight, and I'm gonna tell her that straight off.

I'm such a dick.

I look around again and see her walking down the steps from the upper level. She looks really pretty, there's no denying that, she always does. There's just one problem. She's not Jamie. And I know that no matter how many dates I go on with this girl, she'll never compare. I need to let her down once and for all. She might get pissed. Maybe she'll throw a drink in my face. If she does, that's fine. I fucking deserve it.

"Hey you." She says, smiling at me brightly as she approaches.

"Hey, I didn't order you anything yet, I wasn't sure if you'd want a beer or not?" I ask her. I can at least buy the girl a damn drink.

"Oh no, I hate beer." Jamie loves beer. "I'll just take a water, thanks."

And now I feel like a weirdo, drinking beer while she's drinking fucking tap water. I really should have just waited for her. Great start.

"So, what do you wanna do tonight?" She asks me expectantly.

"Actually, before we do anything, I kinda need to tell you something." I swallow, and she sighs. Here goes.

"You don't wanna date me, that's it, right?" She asks, raising an eyebrow curiously. She doesn't look mad though...

"Um, well, yeah." I'm such an ass. "Listen, I'm so sorry you wasted your time even meeting me here, I should have called..."

"Patrick, it's fine." She cuts me off. "I haven't exactly been getting great vibes from you lately, and I think I know why."

"You do?" I'm genuinely interested.

"Yeah. You like me, but you've never dated before. You have no idea what you're doing." She states confidently, pausing to sip her water. "But you don't need to worry. I like you too, and we can take it slow. I don't have any major expectations. It's cool."

She smiles at me and I blink a few times, bracing myself.

"Amanda, that's not it at all." I say, feeling more and more like a dick. "The truth is... I like someone else."

Her face immediately falls, and I know this isnt gonna end well. But I gotta be honest with her, I owe her the truth at least after how hot and cold I've been with her ever since we first...met (cough, hooked up). So I go on.

"I'm pretty much in love with another girl. I have been for a while. That's the reason I don't date. But with you, I don't know. I wanted to try and get over her, and you're the coolest girl I've... Gone home with." Awkward, fucking awkward. But she deserves the truth. "I'm so sorry about this, I'm an asshole, I know. If you wanna throw that water at me, go ahead."

I close my eyes, braced for impact, but the water doesn't come. I open my eyes and she's staring at me, her mouth open a little.

"You're in love with Jamie Hawkins."

It's not a question, it's a statement. Shit, how the hell did she figure it out?

I draw a blank for a moment, unsure what to say. When I do speak, "Um..." is all I manage. Real smooth.

"It has to be Jamie. She's the only girl you can't have. And the only girl you spend enough time with to develop actual feelings for. I can't believe this." She's shaking her head in disbelief, staring past me at the bar. I don't know what to say or do. There's no point denying it. Everything she's said is totally correct.

"I mean, I can't say I'm not a little crushed. I really like you, or I would have given up on you weeks ago." She rolls her eyes. Yeah, my behaviour towards her should have been a major off-put.

"I know, and I feel really shitty about this, honestly. Just throw the water at me, come on." I plead with her.

"I'm not gonna waste my water on you." She says, raising her eyebrows at me. She's not mad, though. She's just disappointed, and for the first time, I actually think she's gonna be okay with this. I'm relieved.

"Why did you bother asking me out tonight, though? I don't get it." She deserves an honest answer to this too.

"Well, Jamie is sort of seeing this guy. And she's with him tonight. So I just..."

"You wanted to give the whole getting over her thing another shot."

"Yeah, pretty much." I can't believe I'm talking to her about this, but it's happening now, no point shying away from it. "And I'm telling you this now because I realised I've been unfair on you. I don't wanna lead anyone on."

"Well, I guess I'm flattered that I'm the girl you thought you'd have the best chance of moving on with." She gives me a small smile. "But let me ask you something. Does Jamie know how you feel?"

"Yeah, she does. Well, she's only known for less than a week."

"So she doesn't feel the same way?"

"No, she doesn't" I look down at my feet.

"That sucks. I don't blame you for trying to get over her." I can't believe how cool she's being about this.

"If you wanna come back to my dorm and really try to get over her, I'd be okay with that." She nudges my arm and winks at me, so I know she's kidding.

"Thanks." I give her a small smile. "And I really am sorry for wasting your time with this shit. Get out of here, I'm sure you have a million better things you could be doing right now."

"You know what?" She hops up onto one of the bar stools and waves over the bar tender. "I think I will take a drink after all. You want another beer? Something stronger?"

"You don't need to hang around, seriously." I hold my hands up in mock surrender. I've put this girl through enough already, she doesn't need to sit here and listen to me whine about Jamie.

"You need a friend right now, dude. And like I said, I like you." She holds her hand out to me. "Friends?"

She smiles at me, I smile back at her and shake her hand. I order a Jack and Coke, she orders an exotic fruit cider or some shit like that, and we sit down at a table.

"So," Amanda says, sipping her cider through a straw. "How long have you been in love with your best friend?"

This could be a long night.