Discover (Completed)

21. Autumn Leaves

If you leave this time I fear that you'll be gone for good
So I hold on like leaves and fall to what is left
Said her father left her young and he said he'll be back
With that same tone that you just said you'll stay forever with
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India
"The red, yellow, and orange plants pay ode to the variation of emotions running wild in my chest whenever he's around.
Yet, these colors make up those of a fire.
Ah yes, a fire.
He finds a way to ignite a fire in me just by looking in my direction.
He tears down every flame resistant wall I have built up and eats away at my soul, until he reaches the burning embers in the core of my soul.
All he needs is for me to give into the temptation.
To say 'I love you'.
So my heart will engulf in flames large enough to clear an entire grassland.
Will I fall ill to his enticing ways? Let the embers burn bright?
Or will I extinguish the small flame before anymore firewood can be added?
And let these autumn leaves turn to ashes in the wind."

I examined the black inked cursive that rested along the blue lines and inside the white spaces of my composition notebook. Inside this simple black and white patterned book is the story of an entire life. Well, not an entire life considering the fact that it's still being written. The point is, it's my life. All the way from when I moved out of my parent's house, to when I met Chris, to when I ran away, to the birth of my babygirl, to now.

It's crazy how my life managed to spiral downhill and reverse so many times. It's happened so much that at this point I'm just stuck. My rollercoaster doesn't have enough inertia to keep going for another loop.

Now I'm back to the drawing board. Back at the peak of this drop. Back in Chris's arms. Yet, I'm in the arms of another man. Or is Chris the other man? God, I sound like a hoe.

I hate defining myself as a cheater, but the things I've been doing with Chris can be considered cheating. Hell, I almost kissed him. I snuck out of the house to see him. I don't think Jay deserves any of that. He may be a pain in the ass, but he doesn't deserve my lying. I don't love him, it's Chris. It's always been him.

"Jay, can we talk about something?" I sat down next to him on the couch. Once he saw me he quickly put his phone away, making me mentally question what he was doing before I entered the room. None of that mattered though. In a few minutes, it won't be my business anymore.

"Sure, baby. Wassup?" He licked his lips and turned to face me.

I lost it. I didn't even know what to say to him. Where to start. Should I just flat out say it? Should I beat around the bush a little?

"I don't think we should be together anymore." I blurted. Although I should feel relieved by getting that off of my chest, my breath found a way to remain hitched.

Jay's expression was blank. He didn't respond or make any gestures, he just sat there and blinked. Repeatedly.

"Okay." He uttered.

"Im sorry, Jay. You're a great man, you really are. It's just Chris and I- Wait. What?" I stopped in the tracks of my lengthy explanation to take into consideration the fact that he simply said 'okay'. Does he not care? Is he not surprised?

"It's okay, India. You don't owe me an explanation. I'll be ight." He simply like at the ground as he spoke.

"Oh. Okay then." I felt more awkward than I should've. My plan didn't go as expected, but it worked. I guess I'm single?

"I'm gonna go now. I'll be back tomorrow to get my things." He stood up and fiddled with the keys in his pocket before taking them out. I rose from my seat and followed him as he walked towards the front door. He turned the knob and opened the door. Jay took one sort of pitiful glance back at me before walking out and closing the door behind him.