Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Prank War: Scene 10

(The front of Impulse's base. Joe enters and removes the lava from the Hall of Atonement)

Joe: In the 21st century, prank war was waged over the views that could be acquired. Over time, the spoils of prank war were also its weapons: viewers and commenters. For these resources, Iskall would chicken False, Cleo would replace signage, and the European commonwealth would murder Rendog in lava, flown through the air and joyful, then dead, bent on revenge summoning ghost ships to Earth.

In 2018, the blast of prank war had returned. In two brief minutes, Grian tried to reduce ImpulseSV into cinders. And from his early posting of his video, a whole bunch of people tweeted @JoeHills, and he would not allow Impulse to burn as he would rise.

And Grian didn't even bother to read my writing. 4 rooms full of writing that he walked past! He knows how much effort I spent on that prank. I had to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to make an entire room dedicated to not murdering people. Yet, he shows up and decides to trap the Hall of Atonement in attempts to murder Impulse. He wanted to make a fool of us! He wanted Impulse to believe we were filthy hypocrites. But no, I couldn't stand for that. I took away the lava before anybody got hurt. Yet the scars still remain.

The real question is, what was gained by all of this? Was it satisfaction that Grian and Cleo gained by playing me like a fiddle? Or was it a reason for me to retaliate and step my foot into the brewing prank war? The squawking birds that are constantly honking in my brain, I can only accurately describe them as disappointed. Really, really, really disappointed. Painfully disappointed. So disappointed, in fact, that I got my daughter's xylophone to express how disappointed I am!

(He plays a few notes on the xylophone)

Joe: Ain't it peculiar? These folks are my friends. I love them. We're no different than kids at recess playing make-believe behind the blacktop bushes. But some of us play make-believe for a living. And some of y'all are really good at it.

I'm not the best, I admit it. I'm me, portraying me, who sounds like me, named after me. I am Joe Hills, just living in a blocky fantasy. If so, why am I here? What do I bring?

I've known the answer to that question for years. Words n' weirdness. I enjoy giving advice and inspiring my fellow hermits. Be the better person. I want to show that through war, forgiveness can prevail. AND THAT MURDERING YOUR FRIENDS IS NEVER THE ANSWER. BUT SOME STILL CAN'T GET THAT MESSAGE THROUGH THEIR SKULL!

Ms. ZombieCleo, my dear friend. I know you meant no harm to me personally. You're a wonderful person. Peer pressure is inevitable in dense situations. With all my beating human heart, I forgive you.

(Starts writing signs) And Grian. Mr. 3 million subscribers. With this single bucket of lava, you've flipped the message the Hall of Atonement was attempting to teach on its head. I was planning on spending today wrapping presents and writing happy notes but instead, I have to teach Grian how to not murder his friends! Despite the fact that I took time yesterday to make an entire room dedicated to not murdering people! Grian needs his own not-murdering space because apparently he does not recognize the not-murdering space of others!

I'll simply teach him a lesson. I'll let his own actions catch up to him over time. But it's getting late. I need to head to the futuristic district.

(Joe travels to Grian's base. He pours lava over the base. He plants the signs)

Joe: Prank War. Prank War never changes. Remember that, Grian.

(Joe exits)