Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Civil War: Scene 9

(Inside the G-Team base. The G-Team are seated around a table, Hermitgang playing out of a jukebox)

Jevin: (slams jukebox off) We've heard enough.

(Everyone worriedly looks to Grian)

Grian: (backs up) I...

Iskall: You look hurt, dude.

Grian: That track... was fire!

(Everyone gasps)

Cleo: I do admit, it was catchy.

Stress: Same.

Grian: Their disses were hot. Beat was absolutely flaming. We can't beat that!

Jevin: Really? Because Welsknight- Welsknight called us nerds. Their argument is invalid.

Iskall: But Xisuma also called us nerds, which cancels out invalidness of the other nerd.

Jevin: Oh no.

Joe: Wait, so we're NOT making a diss track back?

Grian: Nope.

Joe: But-

(Doc abruptly enters)

Doc: Scared?

Grian: How did you get in the base?!

Doc: This is my camera account. I wanted to see your reactions live.

Jevin: We ain't scared! The G-Team is never scared!

G-Team: Yeah!

Grian: GG, Star Team. You beat us in the music scene.

G-Team: What?!

Doc: Do you accept defeat in this Prank War, then?

Grian: Nope. What really matters is what happens on the battlefield.

Doc: Are you going to drop a response track?

Joe: I can write a-

Grian: Not now, Joe.

Joe: Awww....

Doc: Ha! Scared. Fear the glory of the Star Team!

(Doc exits)

Joe: Grian, we have to respond!

Grian (to G-Team:) All in favor of recording a response track, raise your hand!

(Joe is the only one raising his hand)

Joe: If y'all won't do it, then I'll do it myself!

(Joe quickly runs off)

(Inside the Star Team base)

Impulse: Hey X, I found this on our front door. (holds up book)

Xisuma: What's its title?

Impulse: 'Hermitgang Response.'

Xisuma: Written by?

Impulse: Joe Hills.

Doc: Is it written entirely by Joe?

Impulse: Seems so.

Wels: Tsk, they're too shy to record a disc! Weak.

Xisuma: Should we read it?

(Doc grabs book from Impulse and shoves it into Mumbo's chest)

Doc: Since you didn't rap in Hermitgang, you're making up by rapping this.

(Joe enters, Star doesn't notice)

Mumbo: Um, okay. I don't like to sing in front of people I'm not close with...

Xisuma: Are you not close with us, then?

Mumbo: No, no! I mean, I trust you guys... a lot.

Doc: Then read it and rap.

Mumbo & Joe: 'Docm77 has completely ruined my day. We cannot allow an attack like this to go unaddressed. There's gonna be some collateral damage here. And we are gonna destroy it. Here we go. Diss track. Just dropped.

Who, what, where, when, why and how-dee!

Docm77, let's get rowdy

You wanna plan and scheme and organize your team?

You can herd cats but I can pivot on a dream!

You drop your tracks slower than your creepers fall around me

You chugging slow fall potions while walking up a water stream

Your flow is so slow it's like y'all are turtle masters!'

Xisuma: Turtle masters?!

Mumbo & Joe: 'When I look at your base I can't expect you to be faster'

Wels: To be faster?!

Mumbo & Joe: 'You may have the languor to wrangle Xisuma

to wait for Wels to sleep, perchance to dream up some humor

Some lyrics he'll record and relay to you someday

Well I can still jam quick

While my team is AFK'

Xisuma: Do you guys hear something?

(Joe runs away before anybody notices)

Mumbo: There's more verses-

Impulse: (grabs book) Joe just brought a wooden sword to a gunfight.

Doc: What the heck does "perchance" even mean? This is garbage!

False: Impulse, shoot it in the bin!

Mumbo: Wait!!!

Doc: What?

Mumbo: I mean... Joe worked really hard on this. The least we could do it read the rest of it.

Impulse: Read and appreciate the diss track made AGAINST US?!

Xisuma: Yeah, Mumbo. Do you feel sorry for the G-Team?

False: Our enemies?

Doc: The bush touchers?

Mumbo: Uh...

Impulse: Don't worry, Mumbo. I'm sure Joe made a copy. Now, move out of the way so I can make it in the bin (tosses book)

(Impulse misses. Everyone sighs)