Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Civil War: Scene 4

(Grian and Iskall are in the G-Team's armory, trying to fit an elder guardian named GIMMY into a closet)

Iskall: Do you have any milk?

Grian: I've run out! I'll get some!

(After struggling, Iskall finally pushes Gimmy into the closet)

Iskall: Whew! You're quite a struggle, aren't you, Gimmy? That's what Grian named you, Gimmy, right? You're going to be a great weapon for the G-team.

Gimmy: Oh boy! I can't wait to be used!

Iskall: Us too, us too... (turns around) ... Grian? Grian?! Grian?! Oh god, I have to call for him. Grian! Grian! G-R-ian! Xelqua! Strawberry blond! Charlie! Poultry Man! GRIAN!!! Where in the wo-

(Grian, disguised as one of the displayed armor stands, jumps out and throws his trident at Iskall)

Iskall: AAAA!

Grian: Gotcha!

Iskall: Dude, you were disguised as an armor stand the whole time? I couldn't tell!

Grian: I'm testing out a new trick. It's good, isn't it?

Iskall: You gave me a heart attack!

Grian: Perfect! This armory isn't just for flexing anymore!

(Transition to somewhere outside in the shopping district)

(Tango is disguised in a black coat, hiding in a corner. ZEDAPH enters)

Tango: Psst... kid

Zed: Huh?

Tango: You wanna... join the G-Team?

Zed: (backing up) Uh... not really, to be honest.

(Zed backs up into Impulse, who is also disguised in a black coat)

Impulse: Hey Zed- I mean kid! Hey kid, you wanna... join team Star?

Zed: (backing up in opposite direction) Uh, no. I don't even wanna be involved in the war, to be frank-

Impulse: (cornering Zed) Come on, man. You'd fit great into the Star crew!

Tango: (cornering Zed from opposite side) If you join the G-Team, your name can be Zedgaph!

(Tango and Impulse try to get closer to Zed. Until they are about to touch, Zed ducks and crawls in forward. Tango and Impulse collide)

Impulse & Tango: Ow!

Tango: Watch it, dirty Star Teamer!

Impulse: Stay in your lane, stupid G-Teamer.

Tango: Hey, at least I don't wear SOCKS AND SANDALS!

Impulse: I may wear socks and sandals, but at least I don't put the milk before the cereal!

Tango: That isn't true! It was just a rumor!

Zed: (distressed and scared) Who are you two?!

Both: None of your business!

(Tango and Impulse stomp away. Leaving Zedaph confused and alone. Zedaph exits)

(Joe enters)

Cub: Joe.

Joe: Howdy, Cub!

Cub: Xisuma said your ravine looked bad earlier.

Joe: What ravine do I have that Xisuma visits?

Cub: Don't know, but he seemed like he was talking about the G-Team or something...

Xisuma: (quickly entering) CUB IS MAKING UP PORKIES!

Joe: Are "porkies" the British word for friends?

Xisuma: Porkies are fibs.

Joe: So, wait, was there any point to that anecdote about Xisuma having bad ravine evaluation skills? I thought it was the beginning of a sales pitch or something.

Cub: No it wasn't. Now, shoo! Don't you have work to do?

(As Joe and Xisuma are exiting, False casually wanders on stage)

Cub: Hey False. Joe just told me that the Star fort is smelling a bit moldy. He said you might want to try to add some ventilation in the area. Not my words, just Joe's.

(Xisuma and Joe rush onstage)

False (obviously not buying into Cub's lies:) Didn't know Joe needed someone to speak for him...

Xisuma: WAR MONGERER!

Joe: XISUMA WAS RIGHT! YOU'RE TELLING PIGGIES!

(Cub is chased offstage by Xisuma, Joe, and False)

(Joe re-enters. He spots Mumbo in the corner)

Joe: Mumbo, what are you doing there?

Mumbo: Mole things.

Joe: How long have you been there?

Mumbo: 3 scenes. 4 if you count the one where I was recruited.

Joe: I guess that's dedication. You better get ready. The battle's tomorrow.

(Joe and Mumbo exit)