Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Prank War: Scene 14

(Doc, Wels, Xisuma enter)

Doc: Today, we will show the server that WE are the three pranketeers. And we'll make sure that we're never messed with again. We'll show them all. But... I've heard some rumors that Grian and Tango didn't rob the stock exchange. Everyone's been telling me (mockingly) "it was False and Impulse! It was False and Impulse!"

Xisuma: False and Impulse? Wasn't it blamed on False and Mum-

Doc: DON'T CARE! I don't care who Tango and Grian blamed it on. Because I know that they're guilty. Their heads are all over the place! It's like signing your own vandalism.

Wels: Whatcha have in mind, Doc?

(Doc pulls out chalkboard and starts drawing)

Wels: (while Doc is drawing) A tree! No, a really long house! No... it's an ocelot!

Xisuma: No, it's obviously a lighthouse. I guessing a lighthouse. That's my final guess.

(Doc looks to the two of them, dumbfounded)

Doc: It's a rocket.

Xisuma & Wels: Ohhhhhhh.

Doc: And do you know which shop sells rockets?

Xisuma: Tek to the skies.

Doc: I'm thinking... (draws firework exploding) That we hit Tango where it hurts...

Wels: You thinking what I'm thinking?

Xisuma: Uh-huh.

Doc: I think it's time for Tango's shop to have a well-needed, Christmas sale. Oh! But it looks like Tango has too much dye and gunpowder on his hands.

Xisuma: This sale is definitely going to make Tango's shop the STAR of the shopping district.

(Beat)

Wels: We're going to replace the rockets in Tango's shop with exploding rockets, so that the customers will take damage when using them. And we're going to stage a sale to lure customers in.

Xisuma: Precisely!

Doc: Get the exploding fireworks ready, boys.

(The 3 stock exploding fireworks into the chests in Tango's shop. They get supplies from a nearby chest and decorate Tango's shop with obnoxious SALE signs everywhere)

Xisuma: SALE!!!

Wels: (pretending to be shocked, badly acting) Oh my god!!! I cannot believe that Tango is selling rockets for so CHEAP! I definitely have to get these before they sell out! Wow! I really love this SALE that Tek to the Skies is having right now!!

(Grian enters)

(Xisuma holds a spinning sign advertisement for Tek to the Skies)

Xisuma: Oh! Hey G-R-ian! (stuffs spinning sign into Grian's face) Did you know that Tek to the Skies is having a SALE???

Grian: Oh boy, rockets!

(Xisuma does spinning tricks with the sign advertisement)

Grian: ...I can't even tell where the sign is pointing.

Xisuma: The SALE is to your left!

Scar (entering:) Did I hear sale?

Wels: Yep! Tek to the Skies is having a holiday sale!!!

Scar: Cheap rockets? Oh boy! (buys some rockets)

(Scar tries to fly with rockets. He painfully falls to the ground. Scar cries in pain)

Cub (entering:) Scar!!! What happened?!

(Xisuma, Doc, and Wels fake gasp)

Xisuma: Oh my days! I can't believe Tango would do something like this! (faints into Wels' arms)

Wels: What monster would sell exploding rockets?

Scar: I can't feel anything!

Tango (entering:) What's going on guys-

Scar: Everything is pain!!!

Wels: How could you do this, Tango?!

(Cub drags Scar offstage)

(Transition back to the chalkboard)

Doc: Next, Grian. We have to hit him where it hurts. Which for Grian, is his heart. Do you remember Jack Skelebone? His skeleton horse that suffocated. He couldn't get over that for days. He seems to get easily attached to mobs.

Xisuma: Where are you going with this, Doc?

Doc: I'm sure you have met a particular chicken-person named Poultry Man.

Xisuma: You mean Grian in a chicken cosplay? Who keeps on egging me? Yeah.

Doc: "Poultry Man" seems to really care about this one chicken named Sally. Sally is one of the chickens in Stress' Treat Your Chick. (draws chicken on board) So I propose, we kidnap Sally and take her for ransom. We won't give her back until Grian gives us the diamonds. (aggressively scribbles over chicken)

Xisuma: Jeez.

Wels: Perfect!

(Blackout)

(Spotlight on Xisuma, Wels, Doc, and a leashed Sally in a dungeon. Xisuma, Wels, and Doc are in disguises. There is a tripod in front of them)

(Beep of tripod starting to record)

Doc: This is a message to Grian. We have Sally. You have exactly 24 hours to return the diamonds to the Stock Exchange. If you don't comply. The chicken is TOAST.

(Wels kicks Sally)

(Blackout)