Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Civil War: Scene 10

(Doc and Ren are waiting. There is a chair)

(Mumbo enters)

Doc: Hello, Mumbo.

Mumbo: Uh, hi Doc.

Ren: Annnnd Ren!

Doc: Come, come. Take a seat.

Mumbo: The last time I sat in a chair, nothing ended up well.

(Mumbo sits in the chair. Straps close around Mumbo's wrists, trapping him to the chair. He struggles to escape)

Doc: (holding the mole orders book) Mumbo... Can you explain this? A Mole Orders book?

Mumbo: Uh... I was told by team G to create traps in the playing field. And I thought I'd share that with you to tell you to not use them.

Ren: I'm confused.

Doc: Oh yeah, Ren, you're not caught up. Mumbo's a mole.

Mumbo: No I'm not! Actually, wait, yes I am! But I'm a mole on YOUR side!

Doc: Well, can you explain 'BANANAS', then?

(Pause)

Mumbo: The bananas... The bananas.... I can't really get myself out of this, can't I?

Doc: You ratted us out during our infiltration. I died, painfully, because of you. And we can't have that on our team. Besides, you were just a placeholder. Rendiggitydog is back! Listen, you're out.

Mumbo: I'm out?

Doc: You're out.

Mumbo: You just kicked me off the team?

Ren: You didn't even participate in Hermitgang! So you're kinda useless to us.

Doc: There needs to be some negotiations for the hand-over. I'm not giving you up for free. I guess I gotta call up Gri-

(Grian enters, crashing)

Grian: I heard my name.

Doc: Come here, we need to have a little talk. You see, I don't want him anymore.

(Ren frees Mumbo from the chair)

Grian: What? Why wouldn't you want Mumbo on your team?

Doc: Bro, you know exactly why.

Grian: Uh... Is it the bananas thing?

Doc: Yep.

Grian: You've been rumbled, Mumbo. I'm not really surprised, to be honest.

Doc: You can have him back, but not for free.

Grian: What do you want?

Doc: You can have him, but only without his mustache.

Ren: We're keeping it!

Mumbo: But that's where I store my braincells!

Doc: Grian, you have a machine in your base that takes Mumbo's mustache away. We want to use that machine to take his mustache for the rest of the war.

Mumbo (to Grian:) You're not really gonna do it, are you?

Grian: I mean... we could really use the man-power. I think you'll have to take one for the team, buddy.

Doc: Let us head to your base, then.

(They go to Grian's base)

Grian: Okay, here we are. This is the machine.

Doc: Never seen it in person before. It's glorious.

Ren: And one of the derpiest things I've ever seen.

Mumbo: We haven't used it in a while. We don't get many customers.

Grian: Get in the box, Mumbo.

(Mumbo steps into box)

Grian: Would you do the honors, Doc?

(Doc presses button. Machine starts playing the 'Mumbo Jumbo AFK' jingle)

Grian: Even though removing Mumbo's mustache gives me immense pleasure, I never thought I'd use the machine like this...

(While the machine is playing music, a giant mustache is put on the Star team's base. Preferably this is done by Iskall)

(Music ends. Mumbo steps out of box, mustache-less)

(Beat)

(Doc, Ren, and Grian burst into laughter)

Grian: I completely forgot!

Doc: It's glorious!

Mumbo: Where's it gone, though?

Grian: Oh right! I forgot to tell you. When Mumbo's mustache is removed, it's relocated somewhere else. Have fun finding it.

Ren: (pointing to the Team Star base) I think I found it.

Grian: And now there will always be a part of Mumbo in your base!

Doc: We're gonna go now. The longer I stare at you... the creepier it gets.

(Doc and Ren exit)

(In G-Team base)

(Grian and Mumbo enter)

Grian: Hey guys, we're back-

(G-Team members see Mumbo. They scream and hide)

Mumbo: False alarm! I'm on the G-Team now.

Stress: WE ALREADY KNOW YOU'RE A MOLE!!!! BUT WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE???!!!

Jevin: IT'S HIDEOUS!

Cleo: I think I'm traumatized now. Thanks, Mumbo.

Iskall: I'M GOING TO VOMIT (vomits into bucket)

Joe: You look like my sleep paralysis demon.

Jevin: WHY, Mumbo, WHY????

Mumbo: Team Star took my mustache away.

Iskall: Of course! Those dirty rascals! They did it just to torture us!

Cub: (behind, in front of, or above Mumbo) I'm so glad that I can't see your face from this angle, Mumbo.

Grian: Doc and Ren gave us Mumbo for the cost of his mustache. They're not giving his mustache back until the war's over.

Iskall: Those dirty, dirty businessmen.

Grian: Don't worry, Mumbo. You're still beautiful in my heart. Life is boring without you. If there was a texture pack that has your face plastered on the sun I would install it in a heartbeat... Even if, right now, you look like someone between the ages of 12 and 47 depending on the angle.

Mumbo: Brave of you to say, cod head.

Grian: Oh you-!

(They share a laugh)

Grian: Well, Mumby Jumby. I expect you to make traps, make defenses, and most importantly, make yourself at home.