Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Civil War: Scene 6

(Outside, somewhere on the battlefield. Cub is looking casual)

Cub: Oh, hey Grian.

Grian: Yeah, Cub?

Cub: I've heard some rumors.

Grian: Whatya mean?

Cub: Well... Xisuma told Impulse who told Cleo who told Mumbo who told Doc who told Wels who told Tango who told Scar who told me that the G-Team base smells like fish.

Grian: Yeah, it does a bit. That's the aquarium. Have to agree.

Cub: Oh, right... Well I've heard other rumors, too!

Grian: Like what?

Cub: Well... Doc told False who told Mumbo who told Stress who told Cleo who told Joe who told Iskall who told his viewers who told Xisuma who told Python who told Zedaph who told me that iJevin has lice.

Grian: That sounds like a personal problem to me. Wait- how can Jevin have lice? He doesn't have any hair. His character's a slime.

Cub: Uh...

Grian: You're making those rumors up, methinks!

Cub: No... No I'm not!

Grian: Well, whatever you say.

(Grian continues doing work)

(Impulse enters)

Cub: (notices Impulse) Oh! (tries to look casual) Hey, Impulse. I've been hearing some rumors about the Star Team...

Impulse: Like what?

Cub: Well... Python told Cleo who told Doc who told Joe who told Wels who told TFC who told-

Impulse: That doesn't make sense! TFC barely talks to anyone, let alone gossip!

Cub: Uh...

Impulse: You're just trying to create drama so we can fight again!

Cub: Hey!

Impulse: Honestly, not to be rude, but ConCorp is the closest thing this play has to an antagonist. I mean, 600 diamonds in one day by selling TNT?

Cub: They were hand-crafted TNT!

Impulse: I do admit there were good TNT.

(Grian walks by Impulse and Cub)

Impulse: Oh, hey Grian! I needed to give you something.

Grian: What is it?

Impulse: (giving Grian a file) It says 'Mole Report 1 for Grian' signed by Mumbo Jumbo.

(Beat)

Impulse: See ya!

(Impulse exits)

(Once Impulse is away)

Grian (to audience:) That spoon! But a report is a report. Let's see what our mustached Mumbo has to smuggle... (opens file)

'The north of the Star base appears to resemble a turtle. (beat) I feel this is a tactical maneuver as turtles have very hard shells. Although I don't know if this hardness has translated to their build. More testing is required.'

I already knew that... Everyone knows that!

'The main tower is large and mainly made of stone. It appears to have holes in it that could be used for arrow shooting. It is also very skinny.To the south of their base, there appears to be a weapon. Highly complex, with redstone wiring that is far above my expertise. It occasionally makes a 'moo' sound... (skimming through) They also have a ghast cannon...'

What?! He's told me everything I already know! There's NOTHING in here that's useful! (sigh)

Well, if the G-Team can't use Mumbo for smuggling info, then at least we can use him for his redstone skills, or at least... that's what we WANT the Star Team to think. Oh Grian, you've done it again! This idea is genius!

I'll leave a dispenser hidden in the shopping district. I'll tell Mumbo the location of that dispenser by tagging a fish in False's fish shop.

(He tags a fish)

Grian: The tag says "Press button behind tower x2" since I didn't have any space to write "two times." The reason he has to press the button twice is because there's two books in the dispenser! The first book is a fake order. The usual "blah blah blah create a redstone contraption and rig it against the Star Team blah blah blah blame something else." Orders that you'd expect a one-way mole to get. But the second book reads as follows.'The 'MOLE ORDERS' are not the real orders. These are. You need to gain Team Star's trust. In order to do that, you need to show them the other book you have and let them in on your secret plan and use it against the G-Team. Do whatever they say in regards to the weapons. The main point is to convince the Star Team that you are an actual double agent and not a triple or quintuple agent. Don't mess this up. Love, Grian.'

I'm gonna be so sneaky! I won't even show the second book on camera! This is genius! There's no way he can mess this up!

(Grian puts book in dispenser and exits)