Hermitcraft Prank War: The Stageplay

The Prank War: Scene 11

(In the Stock Exchange)

(Doc and Ren enter, chatting about nothing important. They go through security and enter the vault. Doc hits the noteblock, revealing the Grian and Tango heads. Silence)

Doc: What. The. Heck.

Ren: WHAT?

Doc: What the heck is going on, man?!

Ren: OH NO THE DIAMONDS!

Doc: YO BRO, WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!

Ren: OH JEEZ DUDE.

Doc: They're gone! All the diamonds are gone! I told you! You wanted all this fanciness so we had no space to build the security systems-

Ren: We needed a place for the ladies to chill! That's super important!

Doc: No it isn't! We sacrificed security for coolness factor and look at us now! The crap we're in! Because of Tango and Grian! Oh man, what is Jevin finds out we lost his diamonds-

Ren: Shhh!!! Not so loud! Xisuma is coming in a few minutes. If he hears us, we're gonna lose him!

Doc: Do you think Tango and Grian messed with anything else?

(The two run to the office)

Ren: The office!

Doc: Did they mess with the office- (sees bush) NO... NO!!!

Ren: Look at what Grian did to your shrub!

Doc: THE TREE!!! IS IT- NO- ANYTHING BUT THAT!! NO!! Bro, you saw that livestream. You saw it. You saw how long that took to make. 3 hours- NO- . I- (clenches heart and almost collapses on desk) I'm this close to having a heart attack, Ren. This close. Bro.... THEY TOUCHED THE BUSH.

Ren: I need a shot of tequila or something, dude. We've been got good, Doc.

Doc: The bush, man... The bush. This means war, bro. Whoever did this... listen man. I'm gonna bring the TRIDENT back. You just messed with someone you never want to mess with. Be warned. NOBODY touches my bush-

(The sound of a doorbell is heard offstage. Ren and Doc panic. Doc rushes Ren out of the room and sits at desk, putting on a fake smile)

Doc: Come in!

(XISUMAVOID enters)

Xisuma: 'Ello Doc! How's it going?

Doc: Here at the Stock Exchange, EVERYTHING is fine. Just perfect. What's up?

Xisuma: What happened to your bush?

Doc: What? What do you mean?

Xisuma: The Grian heads!

Doc: I'm getting into the Christmas spirit! Those are my ornaments.

Xisuma: Quite an odd choice of ornaments if you ask me. Well anyways, I am here to sell, sell, sell once again! Because, my friend, I got people buying into my company and I'm ready to make some profits at the Stock Exchange.

Doc: Well, X, I don't wanna be the guy that tells you, but if you're into investment, you know that over the Christmas time the market is a little slow. And this is the time to HOLD or rather buy more! The new years will be an explosive start! Selling now may-

Xisuma: Well, there's gains to be made now, Doc! I've been keeping track of what I buy stock for and I'm sure I can make a mint of a couple hundred diamonds at the moment. So I'd rather take that while the opportunity is there. I'm not gonna wait around.

Doc: Yeah, but rules and regulations...

Xisuma: RULES AND REGULATIONS?! I gave you a shop so we can do away with those things, Doc! Jeez. You're kinda hesitant today, man.

(They go through security)

Xisuma: Is everything okay? Has the stock gone missing?

Doc: No, the stock's fine. It's all fine... (he tries to punch noteblocks, but fails multiple times) Y'know... me and Ren have been using the vault for... Christmas... things. And so.... We.... y'know.... Have been keeping it... decorations... ornaments... you know the stuff... and....

Xisuma: I'm starting to think you don't want me to see the vault!

(Xisuma punches noteblocks correctly. The vault door opens. Xisuma tries to peer through, but Doc blocks him. Xisuma pushes Doc aside)

Doc: Well, you're kinda forcing me so...

(Doc presses noteblock that reveals Grian and Tango heads)

Xisuma: Diamond jacuzzi- ! Wait, what? Grian and Tango heads? Where are the diamonds?

Doc: I don't know, man!

Xisuma: Have Grian and Tango stole the diamonds? Why didn't you tell me?

Doc: To pay you back we have to dig into the jacuzzi diamonds and-

Xisuma: Who cares about paying me back! There's clearly bigger fish cooking on the server.

Doc: You're okay if we can't pay you back?

Xisuma: Of course! I'd defend the stock exchange any day.

Doc: Thanks, X. I lied about earlier. Grian messed with my bush. It's going to take ages to remove the heads! This can't go unpunished. I'm bringing the trident back. This basically just ruined the entire Stock Exchange. It'll never be the same.

Xisuma: Jeez, Doc. All this anger for one little bush? You're probably cranky because of how late it is. It's almost night and-

(WELSKNIGHT abruptly enters)

Wels: DID SOMEONE SAY KNIGHT?

Xisuma: Doc's focusing his anger on his ruined shrub rather than on the blocks of diamonds stolen.

Wels: I mean... it was a pretty good bush. They're ruining the Stock Exchange's brand image.

Doc: You see, X, Welsknight gets it!

Wels: And don't forget the literal stacks of diamonds they stole.

Doc: But mainly the bush.

Xisuma: I suppose you're correct.

Doc: The Stock Exchange's two biggest investors. We must show Grian never to mess with the stock exchange ever again. We must prepare. 

(All exit)