Hetalia Ghoul

Recall

- Gilbert's POV -

"Are you better now?" Kiku asked me. I was still laying on the floor of his room, slowly recovering from the panic I was feeling earlier.

I slowly raise my hand and put up a thumbs up, and sarcastically answered, "Feeling fucking awesome"

He helped me sit up and then he sat in front of me. I groaned, still feeling the headache, "Thanks for helping, Kiku. I'm used to the flashbacks but they've never been this painful or out of control,"

"You're welcome..." he said, but he still looked concerned.

"So," I started, "You said something about a doctor?"

He nodded, "I don't know if Feliciano told you about what happened to me,"

I shook my head and he started to tell his story, "When I was ten, the Doves killed my parents and captured me. They decided to use me as research. It was simple examinations and tests and I was locked in a cell. But one day, a researcher by the name of Vash Zwingli moved me from that cell to a hospital room. Well, it was more like a giant cage with a bed and monitors. He..."

Kiku started to pause as he remembered, "He wanted to create a soldier. An agent that would work for the Doves. But the organization did not agree because they believed a ghoul can not be trusted to follow orders just because. So he sought for a way to create a soldier that will be programmed and controlled by human orders without fail. He described his method to the board and again was denied. So he snuck me out and did his research on his own. And he... tortured me, did all sorts of experiments. He forced me to kill. I... I can't recall specifics but sometimes I was like a drone or a zombie. I couldn't think because he made me numb. And with simple triggers like human blood would make me go berserk and want to kill anything I see. And I can't use my kagune for more than a couple minutes or else the same thing will happen. I usually have no control if it happens. No one has control over me. When he saw that I simply couldn't be controlled by human orders, he planned to get more ghouls and kill me as I was a failure. One day... a little girl who looked familiar to him managed to get in and saw me. She was sympathetic, so she let me out and I ran away. And then..."

He decided to stop there. I could tell those memories were painful.

"I did see cages. And being tortured and forced to fight," I told him, "Do you really think I was a subject of experiments?"

Kiku nodded, "It would make sense. Especially from your human origin. Halfbreed ghouls, like Feliciano, are usually looked down upon by ghouls. But it's mostly because halfbreeds are stronger than the average ghoul. The Doctor probably thought a man made ghoul that was originally human would not only be stronger but easier to control too,"

I gulped, "So you're saying is that I could have been a normal boy who was taken and transformed into a ghoul to act like a murder machine,"

"I'm afraid so," Kiku frowned, "Maybe the Doves approved his plan when they saw he was able to alter me even if it wasn't completely under control,"

I noticed his pained expression and so I thought it was my turn to ask, "Are you alright, Kiku?"

He looked at me, as if the question was unexpected. He hesitated but he answered in confidence, "I ruined my life so many times. And it's my fault for trusting in people. And it's my fault in trusting myself, thinking it would be okay and that I could control myself. But above all, it's the CCG's fault... they turned us into monsters and then they want to hunt us down. It's not our fault..."

He started to shed tears, but he wasn't sobbing or wailing. He remained calm. I could tell he was deeply thinking about something.

"It sounds like your losing faith,"

He looked up, "Maybe. Maybe Hercules was right. I really let myself believe that living happily as a human and let myself fall in love would work out. And if he was right? If Alfred really tried to kill my best friend? Could I ever trust him again? After he almost killed-"

He flinched and stopped talking, "Sorry..."

"Don't be," I replied, "It looks like you needed to talk about it. I'm here to listen, ya know?"

He shook his head, "Thank you, but I rather not,"

I understood and nodded. I decided to change the subject back to what we were originally talking about, "So, if I was created to destroy, does that mean I should worry about losing control too?"

Kiku thought "I'm not quite sure. For me, since I was a first trial, they used visual cues and torture to activate my mindless actions. I can't see or smell human blood or I'll spiral out of control. And I can't use my kagune for long either, which is why I rather not use my ghoul abilities at all. What caused your panic attack earlier?"

I thought for a moment, "I started remembering the vague memory. And usually, it's just a headache and dizziness, but I still have a clear conscience. But I started hearing voices and remembering numbers. A voice said them slowly and as I recognize the pattern, I started to not be able to think... I think they were-"

"Maybe it's for the best if you don't repeat them" Kiku interrupted me, "You don't know how easily it will trigger you..."

He then stayed silent and glanced at his door. He whispered, "Or who may be listening"

We stayed silent. Tense. And then we heard footsteps running away in the hallway. It sounded like it was running away from us. 

Kiku then looked at me and whispered, "I fear that even here it is not safe for us. I think we're being watched,"

"Who are you talking about?" I whispered back, feeling a chill run down my spine.

"Obviously not Feliciano or Elizabetha or Roderich. But the other two... the kids... I have a bad feeling about them,"

"I do too. Especially the girl," I admitted.

Kiku stood up and grabbed something from the desk by his bed. He handed it to me. It was a mask. It looked like a knight's helmet. It only covered the top half of the face and it had small horns on the side.

"This is awesome..."

He managed to smile at my compliment. He finally spoke, "Listen. I'm tired of all this. I just want to isolate myself and not worry about anything. I'm leaving the city soon. I know your origin is important to you. So I know even if I tell you it's too dangerous to figure it out, you'll do it anyways"

I nodded.

"So all I can say is be safe. My advice isn't what you would like to hear but it is my advice. Pick your battles. Don't trust everyone. Finally, from my experience, no matter how much you love someone and think they love you, in the end, it may not be worth it to see it all leave your grasp"

I can see the suffering he felt from saying those words. As if he truly didn't mean them. But he was trying to look out for me. And being ghouls, the only way to survive is to leave everything behind. Yet, I didn't like the last piece of advice. You would think you'd want to live for the sake of someone. And what's the point if you don't fight from them? But of course, it seemed like he made his decision of following that piece of advice. I simply thanked him and took the mask before leaving his room.

I stepped into the hallway. The feeling of being watched still lingered. I went ahead and went to my room. And before I closed the door, I swear I looked out and saw Lily's door slightly open and she was peeking out, looking at me. I made sure to lock my room that night.
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A/N:

Can you believe I started writing this story when I was 16 and a loser and now I'm 19 and still a loser?

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I appreciate all comments and votes and I'll see ya next update!