Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Thirty-One: Up, Up and Away

The next few hours passed by at lightning speed. I was packing my bag for god knows where. Alex and I had left the coffee shop and dad was waiting in the car for us. He wasn't exactly talking to me. I packed my stuff as mom came and knocked on my door. She let herself in as I sat on the hotel floor and looked at her before going back to packing my bag.

"Is there anyone you would tell if you were thinking of doing anything?" Mom said softly and I continued packing.

"Logan," she said and I looked at her.

"He already took my crew pass. I am going home. I called and told them I would be switching into in-person classes and not online after the next semester. Also, yes. I'd tell you or dad, hell I'd fucking tell Lisa or Alex. It's not like Ryleigh and I are speaking," I grumbled and finished another drawer of clothes.

"You know your dad is just worried. He sees the hate and shit you are getting kiddo. I know you think you have it all figured out and planned in your head. Life isn't about planning it's about the unexpected," Mom said and I looked at her nodding.

"Yeah, I get that but it's like I grew up you know like, I don't mean this to hurt you. I am not your daughter. I will never be, your daughter. I am just me. I'm Logan and while you and dad adopted me and I can't express how thankful I am for everything. I will never be your guys' daughter. I know people just assume and make things out to be perfect or that I'm struggling. I am not mom. I'd rather tell you everything right here right now than ever fucking leave tour," I said and I finished loading my underwear, socks and was flipping through t-shirts to make sure I had mine.

I threw the boys into piles and was going to return them as soon as I was done packing. Mom was sitting on the floor with me now folding shirts. I looked at her and I zipped my suitcase up and then got up going into the bathroom. I grabbed my mirror, contacts, and stuff that had to be in a carry on bag. I threw it on the bed then grabbed a room key.

"Thanks for folding them, mom. I am going to go return them now and you can go speak to dad if you want. I will be ready before the flight at 8 tonight." I said and grabbed a room key to dad's room.

"You don't have to come home if you don't want to," She said and rubbed my back as I picked up the stacks of shirts.

"I know. I also know that I'm not really welcomed anymore here. So I'll go home and visit maybe with you sometimes," I said and held the keycards in my pack pocket.

"That is very mature of you," Mom said and I felt my soul dying inside my body.

We went to dad's room first. He was laying on the bed with an arm behind his head. He had his other arm across his chest looking at his phone. I handed him my crew pass, a shirt that I wore that said crew. He raised an eyebrow at me and I grabbed one of the backpacks I had left in his room. I walked out of his room with a stack of shirts not sticking around for the conversation they were about to have. I knocked on Rian's door first as it was the closest. He opened it and was his smiley self but when he saw all the shirts and backpack on my body his smile dropped.

"You are really leaving," he stated and I just kind of shrugged.

"I will visit," I said trying as Rian took his shirts off the top of the pile of shirts then pulled me in for a tight embrace.

"This will be the first time in a long time where I won't see you every day or at least three times a week. I won't have someone to yell at Alex and Jack with me or to drink coffee with me." Rian said and looked at me with really sad eyes.

"It'll be okay Ri, you have Ryleigh and Zack Merrick here still. You have my dad's band and-" I was cut off.

"It's not gonna be the same, Logan. Who is going to get hurt and make the paramedics or medical staff actually do their job? Who is going to-"