Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Forty-Six: Antidepressant

After five painful days of throwing up and my body going through hell, it was over. I sat in Jack's bunk laying on top of him. I had the slow-rolling tears slipping from eyes as Jack rubbed my back. I held his hand in mine as I felt Jack breathe in and out as I listened to his heartbeat. I moved my other hand that wasn't being held to his chest as Jack just held me until the bunk curtain was rudely ripped open.

"Okay I get you both are mopey and sad," Alex spoke as I was my head was already facing him.

"But, like we're young. I know you guys were excited, trust me, the rest of us were too. It's not the end of the world. We'd like to see you guys out of this bunk today and we mean like other further than this bunk and the bathroom or the back lounge to cry. Jack that also means further than the kitchenette," Alex pointed at him as I groaned.

Alex put his hands out for me as I slowly climbed off Jack and Alex helped me down from the bunk. I was wrapped in an Alex hug which then became a 3/4 of All Time Low hug. Jack eventually joined the hug as I felt the tears begin again. Jack pulled me away and wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"It's okay," He whispered for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I-I know Jack it's just. It hurts so much and to think that-" I stopped and looked at Ryleigh.

"That we could have all had someone new to love," I sniffled before wiping my nose on the sleeve of my shirt and move past everyone.

Jack stood there a little dumbfounded as I walked off the bus in a pair of dark skinny jeans and a shirt I had been wearing for days. I walked through the row of busses and semi's as I walked I tapped my finger on my leg. I heard someone run up beside me and I knew it was Zack Hall. I didn't even have to turn around.

"You don't have to babysit me, Hall. You get paid to babysit my dad."

"I get paid to protect your dad. I don't have to babysit either of you. I came because I'm close to your dad and you forget we used to be close too," he spoke as I nodded my head stopped walking to turn and look at him.

"Come here," he spoke opening his arms.

I walked right into them letting Zack hold me tightly in his arms. I began to let some more tears fall. I didn't know why it hurt so much. It hurt in not just my whole body but my pride too. What if I was just never meant or cut out to carry a child? Would that ruin mine and Jack's relationship? Zack finally let me go and I nodded my head as he walked away from me. He climbed back onto the Panic bus while I stood outside. This venue was by a park and some kids were out playing a game of basketball. I walked over the game stopped.

"Uh, hi. Can I play?" I asked the group of teenagers and young adults.

"Sure pass it in." Someone remarked as the ball was thrown into my hands.

I felt every bump on the ball and threw the ball in. I decided to guard someone as the ball made its way back to me I shot. It bounced off the rim not going in but almost getting jammed in between the backboard and ring. It didn't though as it was like slow motion it bouncing to the ground. I heard someone calling out for me as I turned to see some fans.

"Great," I murmured as one of the boys I was playing with looked at me.

"Girl you famous or something?" He snickered.

"Something like that. You see I'm in this band and my dad and his friends who are pretty much my second family are all pretty famous," I spoke back as I threw the ball in again after the other team scored.

"Well we won't take up to much more of your time it is almost match point, we play to thirty."

"Oh no this is- I didn't mean to-" I was interrupted by press taking photos of me and it was blinding seeing so many flashing lights going off.