Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Thirty-Two: Woah there

The show was going pretty well until I saw the time on the clock. Mom was on her way over to me and it was in the middle of All Time Low's set. I looked at my parents who were saying their final goodbyes. Jack and I hadn't spoken in a few hours which I mean wasn't weird we made indirect comments about each other on Twitter or Instagram stories. I looked at the time on a clock hanging from a wall.

I looked from the side stage at the guys who were rocking out. Ryleigh was back in the dressing room resting up. I expected that though, in many ways. Ryleigh was a carer, she loved and took everything personally sometimes. She was like a mom to everyone and just this overall great person. One day she'll make a great mom. I sighed and take my earpieces out and waved at Rian who seemed to be the only one watching me from side stage. Rian missed a beat though and threw the band off slightly to wave back.

My greatest mistake in life was not running out on stage to say goodbye.

I flew home that night with mom and Lisa. Lisa would be staying in LA for a few weeks. Something about Jack's place needs to be cleaned. I had my first day of classes next week and I was not ready for them. Beckett helped me prepare for classes which was odd. There was no bad blood between Beckett and I. It was sort of awkward but not really. I still looked into his sky grey eyes and felt my heart race in my chest. I looked at Beckett though and didn't want to hold him back. Kolbi raced around us while he was helping me prepare at the apartment.

Kolbi had grown up so much in the month and a half I was gone. She was doing so well in school. We stayed up all night one weekend just talking about how her dad plans on buying an apartment around me. Beckett wanted to have his own place to go to just to write. I told him that it would be fine as I bought this place for us. Beckett said it just didn't feel right considering there was no longer such a thing as an us. I understood that and respected his wishes but he told me I would always be Kolbi's mom.

Today was my first day of classes and I was standing in front of a full-length mirror Beckett had moved from his house. I couldn't decide what to wear. Beckett always went to class looking like a businessman. He wore creased pants and a dress shirt still ninety percent of the time. Beckett though on some occasions would wear jeans and a t-shirt. I like to claim that as my doing. I stood there and finally decided on some skinny jeans and a t-shirt.

Lisa and my mom requested I stop by before class which I gladly accepted. I knocked on the door though this time. I didn't just waltz in, even though I had a key. Lisa sat on a barstool at the breakfast bench. My mom stood there with a cup of coffee in her hands after opening the door for me.

"Well don't you look beautiful Ms. First day of college," Lisa said and smiled at me.

Lisa knew I was really struggling. I was not allowed to play my guitar in the apartment complex. I was allowed to inside but there wasn't a good set up for me to play inside it sounded weird because of how the walls were set up. So I would go outside which upset the neighbors, which lead to complaints. I was honestly looking at giving my notice of leave and moving back in, but seeing as mom had told me they arranged my room as a guest room again that stopped me from moving back in.

'Thanks,' I signed and gave a fake smile before heading over to the fridge.

"You okay?" My mom said and I nodded.

Lisa looked at me with pleading eyes. Lisa texted me pretty much every night. It was little things like how the guys were or how her conversation with Alex went that night. She didn't mention Jack though. It would always be 'Alex said the guys had an awesome show,' or 'I spoke with the guys they are doing well.' It was never anything specific.

"Okay. Have fun, today baby." Mom kissed my head as I looked at the time on the stove clock.

I sighed and grabbed my book bag and walked back toward the door. I looked at the piano and the staircase. This was my home. I didn't get what in my head made me think I wanted to leave here or why I ever want to leave here. Right now I wanted these walls to swallow me whole or crumble around me taking me hostage. I closed the door though getting in my car.