Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Thirty-Three: Kolbi

I heard my bedroom door shut and the whispered voices of Rian and Jack. Mainly Jack telling Rian not to worry. I changed into a pair of Nike pro shorts and a t-shirt that covered me almost to my knees. I heard a knock on my bathroom door with a heavy fist. I knew it to be Rian's fist and looked at myself in the mirror before I opened the door. Rian looked at me as Jack still sat on my bed.

"I am not going to tell them but you have to tell me," Rian said and I looked at Jack who just nodded at me.

"I think you need to get out," I said and gulped down the fear.

"I think that I'm doing you a favor. Logan, come on. What's going on up in here?" Rian said and tapped my forehead.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it," I turned back into the bathroom picking up my wet clothes.

I walked out of my room and toward the laundry room only to hear a wolf whistle from downstairs. I looked down the ledge to see Lisa was the one who whistled at me. Everyone was kind of laughing as I was leaning over the railing. I waved as the question was about to be asked Rian came and stood beside me and no one spoke a word. Rian looked at me as I smiled and waved again to drop my clothes in the laundry room. I placed them in the washer and added a little bit of soap before I heard the laundry room door shut.

"Logan," He said sternly before I turned to look at him.

I felt my body start to shake. I looked at Rian who had this whole new look of fear on his face. He put his hands up as if he was surrendering.

"I was with Jack. I was with Jack please don't be mad," I rushed out as he looked at me with sad eyes.

"No. It's not about. I want to know about the cuts on your, yeah," Rian stopped and I looked at my legs.

"I don't know it just became a thing. I would take an eraser to them when I was in class and would get nervous. I then moved back into the habit of pens that were out of ink. Jack caught me scratching my leg earlier and I think he had his suspicions. I don't know why. I really have tried to think of everything and I keep coming back with nothing." I pursed my lips and bit on the inside of my cheek drawing an iron taste in my mouth.

"Okay. We'll talk later," Rian said and kissed my forehead as I shakily walked back to Jack.

Jack was laying on my bed. His eyes shut and breathing so peacefully. If I didn't know better I would've assumed him to be asleep. I shut my bedroom door holding the handle so it would not make a sound when shut. I walked over to Jack leaning down and kissing him soft and sweet. The kiss soon turned into something more. Jack pulled me down over him and licked my lip for entrance. Still having the bitter taste of iron in my mouth I opened as his tongue explored my mouth. I felt his tongue against the inside of my cheek and he pulled away for a moment before looking at me.

"I bit the inside of my cheek. It's a bad habit," I whisper as Jack just kissed me again this time not as lustful.

We broke apart after a while and just stared at my ceiling. There was not much to say or to ask each other. We had talked earlier. I got a text from Jack saying he was in town. Lisa texted me about the concert. I already knew about it but I couldn't go.

The college offered free counseling and therapy during 'finals weeks' more like finals month. I had signed myself up as the stress was becoming a bit much and I was honestly hoping for some meds. I instead was told to speak my heart, the first few meetings which were three times a week were rough.

Jack came to the college though and surprised me as I was walking out of class. He had flowers for me and I smiled but it soon faded away when Beckett came over wrapping an arm around me. Beckett mentioned therapy and how proud he was of me thus forcing me to tell Jack. I hadn't even told my parents, well parent as I was only speaking to my mom. Jack asked if he could come with me I didn't mind. Beckett had come with me to the first few just to make sure I was actually okay. It was pretty uneventful, I spoke about things I had last spoken about with the therapist. We talked about Tommy and Tobias. I was asked why I felt guilty and I couldn't put my finger on the exact moment when I was asked to talk about it in detail. I couldn't put my finger on the exact moment but the whole thing consumed my mine and made me feel worse about breathing air.