Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Forty-Three: Don't Make Me

I folded the paper back up as the doctor just eyed me as Jack looked at me with this confused look. I ripped the paper in half as the doctor looked at me sighing. I pulled my knees up to my chest as Jack tried to move closer to me as I tried to dispose of all the little pieces of paper. Dad was talking to someone outside the door when I noticed Rian's head bouncing up and down in the hallway along with Ryleigh. I motioned for her to come into the room. Ryleigh came bouncing in as I glared at her.

"Is that why you were so excited about those stupid tests?" I spoke out bitterly as Jack sat there confused.

"What tests?" Jack spoke softly while Ryleigh looked at me baffled.

"You aren't excited?" Ryleigh put a hand to her chest.

"No!" I said and she looked at Jack.

"Jack-o you might want to leave for like 5 minutes," Ryleigh said as Jack looked at me then sat on the bed in protest.

"Nope, not leaving until you tell me."

I looked at Ryleigh and raised an eyebrow before holding my hands up. Ryleigh nodded as she began.

'what are you going to do?' Ryleigh signed as I internally screamed.

'I don't know how do we tell him, he won't even let us have more than two seconds alone to discuss this a little more openly. I want, I don't know what I want... death I guess,' I signed as Ryleigh grabbed my hands smacking them.

"Do not. Don't you fucking dare. You almost overdosed you, little witch. You are not going to try the fuck again!" Ryleigh exclaimed and held my hands together looking me in the eyes.

There was this sense of we were going to get through this we always did. It used to be Ry and I against the world not it felt like the world was against me. I didn't know how I was going to move forward with this information or how to tell anyone anyway. The paper didn't tell me much anyway. I looked at Ryleigh as Rian stood in the doorway with coffee in his hand and he was mumbling something to Jack who now moved.

"We can always request them to be removed for a few minutes while we think of something," Ryleigh whispered in my ear and hit the nurse call light.

That is what we did we requested the boys leave as Rian looked bewildered. Rian had just got there and was already being asked to leave and he didn't know why. There were just certain things I didn't want people to hear and right now was one of them. Ryleigh looked at me before locking the door and sighing loudly.

"How are you even going to tell Jack you might actually be pregnant? It is Jack's right?" Ryleigh said as I looked at her with a look of 'no stupid'.

"Yes it's Jack's but I mean they said it would be really early if I was pregnant so why don't we just end it here right now and take the medication so that way no one has to ever really know if I was. I mean I still have classes that I need to attend and finish. I can't have a baby Ryleigh plus we are on tour. I can't be pregnant and on a tour bus. Oh my god, what are my parents going to think of their whore daughter now? What about Beckett?" I began to panic and I felt the room start to close in on me as Ryleigh pressed the nurse call button about a million times as alarms started to sound.

In this new perfect world of the in-between future, I sat on the floor. I was holding a baby while two little kids played toward my feet. There was no male beside me but I knew the one child by the pigtails and how she bounced with every movement as Kolbi. I didn't know the other child until I saw his face to be that or how I imagined Sirius. From the electric green eyes and soft pale porcelain face, the dark almost jet black hair and perfectly arched cupids bow at his lip.