i will always come back to you

chapter 37

I woke up just before we got to the next hotel. When we stopped our names were called for what rooms we were sharing again. "First room is" jaden called out. "Cynthia, avani, mads and nessa" he said. That's a coincidence it's all the girls. Speaking of mads she didnt really bother me that much anymore. We aren't friends but we dont completely hate each other. She was nice to me and I was nice to her and that was it. I shared with avani and cynthia and mads shared. They were close friends and so were me and avani which worked out perfect. For the rest of the night we all sat on one bed doing facemasks, watching movies and gossiping about randoms things. I was having a pretty good time with them and I wasnt thinking about all the crap that had happened in the last few days.

I looked through twitter while we were watching a movie and I saw a few tweets about our breakup. I thought it was weird since he never actually told me he wanted to break up he just yelled at me. I officially hadnt talked to him in 2 days and i was kinda sad about it. I thought he would have texted by now.

Tweet from @nessabarrett:
We never actually broke up though 🤔

I got tons of replys from all the fans and haters but I didnt read them. I saw josh had liked and then unliked my tweet and then I got a text from him.

Josh 💔
Do you want to break up?

I asked the girls what to do and they said I should talk to him.

Ness 💔
I dont know.

Josh 💔
Well I dont know what you want me to say then...I know you hate me and dont wanna speak to me so I dont know what to do

Ness 💔
I dont hate you. I hate the actions you made to hurt me. You made this worse for yourself.

Josh 💔
I know and I regret everything.

Ness 💔
Why didnt you text me. I was practically waiting at my phone for a message from you these last few days.

Josh 💔
I was scared. I chickened out because I thought you didnt wanna talk.

Ness 💔
Of course I do. I wanna sort this out. You broke my heart and I still love you but you havent said anything to me which hurts more.

Josh 💔
I should have texted. I need to tell you something and not over text.

Ness 💔
Ok. Am I gonna cry about it?

Josh 💔
I hope not.

Ness 💔
Ok just a sec.

"Yo avani can I talk to you" I said and pulled her into the bathroom. "What's wrong" she said looking down at me. "Josh wants to call and I think it's bad news" I blurted out. "Ok ok ok, calm down. Just breathe. If the worst is to happen. Remember your better off without him" she said holding onto my hands. "I'm not. I love him. I miss him and I cant take it anymore" I said a tear slipping out. "Ness, I know this is shit." She said and just pulled me into a hug. "Josh wants to call you" I heard Anthony call out. "Shit" avani said and wiped my eyes and pulled me out to see everyone. I looked at Anthony. "I'm gonna be single tonight aren't i" I said holding back the waterfall of tears waiting to come out. He just looked at me. I could tell he didnt want to say yes and agree with me. "I dont know" he lied. We had a group hug and then everyone left to the other room and let me facetime josh.

Josh called me. "Hi" he said. He looked rough. His hair was messy, he had bags under his eyes and his eyes were puffy. "Hi" I said knowing what he was gonna say. "Just listen to what I have to say before you talk over me" he said. "Ok" I said holding my arms up. "I think you know why I'm calling you. I love you nessa, I do. But I don't think that our relationship is gonna work" he said. I was already silently crying. "I'm not the right person for you. Maybe in the future I'll think differently. But I've treated you like shit and you deserve so much more" he said holding back his tears. "Josh i-" he butted in. "Let me finish" he said wiping his eyes. I nodded. "I want you to know that you are worth everything and I will always love you. I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry" he said. I was still balling my eyes out. It was hard to tell on camera because the quality wasnt that good but I think he knew that I was. "Josh...its...okay, I forgive you. I still love you" I said after each breath I took. "Nessa I love you too, always know that but you cant keep forgiving me" he said covering up his face with his hoodie. My favourite hoodie. It was so comfortable and warm but now I'll never be able to wear it again. "Josh please. I cant, dont leave me" I said crying some more. "Ness I love you to much to stay with you and breaking your heart" he said. "Your breaking my heart more leaving" I said. After a bit of wiping my eyes. "I'm sorry" I said with another tear falling. "It fine I just wanted to see you one last time and any goodbye" he said a tear slipping out of his eye. "Goodbye josh" I said balling my eyes out. "Bye ness" he said and hung up. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself. All I could see was "ugly". I was. I was in such a negative mindset. I grabbed a blade from in one of the drawers and went to cut myself. "NESSA" I heard jaden call out his eyes wide at what he just witnessed. He ran up to me and grabbed the blade out of my hand. I fell to the floor crying. He sat on the floor with me and held me there for a lot of the night. "We're over" I said a while later. "Its okay" jaden said pulling me closer.