Jily one shots

Hold on to our heart

A/N: OKAY THIS ONE HURTS YALL GET READY IT HURTS A LOT A LOT A LOT AND BTW ITS A MUGGLE AU

disclaimer: written by @lilevans on archive of our own

The door slams. His heart is pounding and what he just said to her is echoing over and over again until everything goes quiet. Numb. And there's a hole in his chest. He thinks they've just broken up.

He waits an hour. Two, three. Keeps thinking she'll come back, she always comes back when they fight, because she's lily and they're both stubborn and ridiculous and he'll say sorry because he fucked up and spoke too quickly. And she's too quick to defend herself and they go in circles, but she always comes back and they're fine.

Except it's different this time. Because she doesn't come back.

//

He sits on the bed after the fourth hour, cradling his head in his hands. There's a broken beer bottle on the ground, and he doesn't know that if he threw that before or after she left.

He sniffles and cautiously opens her drawer of miscellaneous crap, the one where she put everything and anything she could fit. He needs to hold the things that belong to her and remember its going to be okay.

Except, it's empty.

She's emptied it and her keys and cheap perfume and phone charger are all gone. All that's left are the hand written notes that the two of them wrote to each other.

James, I've got to go to work early, but if you want I'll drop in for dinner tonight. Which is just Chinese on the floor, I know.

Lily, get up. I've made breakfast.

There's a singular photo left behind too, a Polaroid he took at an Italian restaurant. Her hair is messy and colourful against the dim, pale lights and her smile is right there, full and in focus. He aches and it feels as though he's been shot. He glances towards the door. It's been 5 hours. Usually she's back by now.

He picks up the phone with shaky hands.

"What's hanging, twat?" James exhales as Sirius answers.

"I think we broke up," he croaks. God, it hurts even more to say it out loud. He's a mess.

"Fuck. I'm on my way over, mate."

//

She comes back to pick up her scarf and the rest of her clothes. She leaves the key on the counter. He almost goes to hug her as she leaves, then remembers the hole in his gut. It's so much more awful when she's left, but still very much right in front of him.

"I'm sorry, James." Her eyes are big and sad and the wonder that he fell in love with seems gone. He can feel the guilt of causing that gnawing away at his insides.

"I think it's a bit too late for apologies." He grits his teeth. He has no idea why he's just said that. Maybe it's because he can't punch the wall or drink 8 beers in a row again.

She only nods. She pauses for a moment, hesitates, as if she wants to say something more, or kiss him, or suddenly change her mind and decide to stay after all. James starts hoping that she'll do any of those things. Instead, she just turns around and closes the door again. It's so much softer this time, but the silence is deafening.

//

The first few weeks are the worst. The boys take turns in making sure he's okay, bringing beer, and playing the Xbox with him. He cries into Sirius the first couple nights. He lets him.

He knows they go to see Lily and don't tell him. He's not angry, he knows they love her just like he does. He just really fucking misses her.

He knows it's really his fault. He's the one that said if it's really that complicated maybe you should just fuck off like you always do!