Beastars x reader (Season 1)

CHAPTER 21: HOW TO STOP IT?

I agreed to have lunch with Haru again, so after leaving the theater I sat down to have lunch at the cafeteria with her.  As we talk, I keep thinking about what happened in the theater room. 

I'm confused.  Legoshi seems to be innocent, but ... he attacked Haru .. Was I wrong? Did I get it wrong?  No ... there's no way to misinterpret that ... Damn it ... misinterpreting things is what has led me to this mess. 

I remember the rumors they said about me.  Kai said that everyone knew my secret.  But he doesn't know anything.  No one really knows me.  The only people who have gotten to know me a little are Haru and Juno.  And yet they know nothing of my past.

Whenever I think that the rumors stopped mattering and that I'm integrating the group a little better, then someone always comes and reminds me about them.

Haru: Ok I have another question.  If you ended up on a desert island, what would you do? ... Find a way to get out of there, or try to adapt and live on the island?

How much I would like to .. stop this.  I want the rumors to stop forever.

Haru: ..Y/N?

I want them to stop ... I feel like, I can't move on if they keep remembering me about them.

Haru: Hellooo.. Earth to Y/N?

I finally react to Haru calling me.

Y/N: Huh? Uh, sorry.  What was the question?

Haru can see that something has been troubling me.

Haru: Hey what's wrong?  You've been pretty quiet.  What are you thinking about?

Haru's in a similar situation as I am.  Maybe I should ask her. I sigh and look at her.

Y/N: How ... How do you deal with rumors?

Haru shows confusion, but she hints at what has kept me distracted.

Haru: Oh I see.  Well ... I really don't let that bother me.

Y/N: Wait, are you serious?

Haru: Sure!  Just don't let them bother you.  If you show them that it affects you, they'll just keep doing it.

What she affirms seems to make sense.  But the truth is, I cannot bear to be treated like this.

Y/N: I .... sigh ...I don't know

Haru: Huh?

Y/N: I just don't feel it's fair.  I've already had to endure that they think they know me just for hearing a rumor of mine, when in fact they know nothing.

Haru reflects an empathetic face.  Her expression reveals that she feels the same. Although she tries to deny it

Y/N: I think ... we should defend ourselves.

Haru: That would sound nice.  But I've been in this school longer than you, and believe me when I tell you that the more you try to defend yourself, the more they'll bother you.

It's easy to see Haru has tried this before.  And it's easy to imagine that it didn't go well.  I know she wants to help me from experience, but I won't stop here to let people trample me.

Y/N: I get you Haru, but how long have you been like this?  You say that if you don't defend yourself they'll stop, but you've done nothing to stop them and they keep bothering you.  What are we supposed to do then?

Haru: Well, you'll have to overcome it.  You can't let some stupid guys ruin your life.

I just ... I understand her point but ..... I let her finish speaking.

Haru: The best thing you can do is ignore what they do.  If they bother you, the ones who waste time it's them.  You'll just waste your time if you worry about how to stop them, instead of living your life.

I disagree with her.  Defending yourself isn't a waste of time .. I don't want to fight her, so I just agree.

Y/N: Yeah, it's alright ... I get it ..

We both continue having lunch.  Still having a lot to say.

Then a music is heard on the megaphone.  Someone's gonna give an announcement. A girl speaks, announcing that we must go to the environmental rooms for a biology job.

Haru: Well, I have to go..

Y/N: Yeah me too.. see you at lunch tomorrow.

Haru: Yeah.. see you tomorrow.

We both get up and walk on opposite sides.  I'll decide what to do with my rumors. 

I rather fight and live a hell for this to stop.  I'm tired of doing nothing.