Beastars x reader (Season 1)

CHAPTER 47: JEALOUSY

The freesias I painted on my violin.. They're stained red.  It's funny.. Those flowers represent innocence and reflection... but staining it like this, looking as if it were... stained with blood... After what I've felt lately... it's as if someone was giving me a sign.. A warning..

I look at my violin and run my finger over the already dried paint.  I see the violin light up before the light of the dinosaur sculpture they have lit, so I turn to see it.  People look at the work they've accomplished.  Well... everyone but one..

Dom: Did he get in a fight with Juno or something?

Dom looks at Legoshi just like I do, who's sitting on the ground playing around with his tail.  Since he saw Haru.. he's been distant..

Kibi: He's so easy to read.

Oh, you're wrong there dide.  I've been trying to read him ever since I met him.

I can't believe it.  Why is he in love with Haru?  Why am I in love with him? Why do I have to be in this situation?

This is like one of those love triangles movies.  I HATE THOSE MOVIES!!  There's always a person who ends up alone.  And that person has two choices.  Either they become the bad guy in the story and end up dead or in prison, or they have to accept that the person they love doesn't love them back.

This isn't a movie, but if it was... I know I'd be that person.  The one who ends up alone.  I'ts always been like this.

No, that doesn't make sense .. I'M a carnivore, I'M a wolf just like him.  I'M the one who's in love with him, not Haru!  She's with Louis and she's MY friend... Why does he have to be in love with her?!  I've been his friend longer than her. In a movie I'd be the one who ends up with him!

But... as I said... it's not a movie... This is real life, it's not a stupid story with fictional characters that you can control... He doesn't like me, he likes Haru.

But.. that can't be.. She's a rabbit and he's a wolf... They just can't-....... Shit!  I begin to sound just like.. that old man..

Why does it matter if they're from different species?  What matters is that Legoshi must be happy... I must stop being so possessive..

.. I should calm down.  Haru has Louis and.. Legoshi tried to attack her, although... she said she didn't know what had happened to her arm when I saw her.. But I saw it... he attacked Haru, Legoshi almost ate her..

..How come he get to see her as a.... pretty girl so soon when a few months ago he saw her as a pray..?

... But... at the same time... that's how I feel now... A few months ago, I saw him as a possible murderer... but now... I see him as a very tender wolf who I want to be with...

I see Legoshi's lost gaze, not knowing what he thinks.  At this moment, everything around me... my violin, the people, the sculptures... everything disappears.  Now I can only see him and me in an empty void...

This isn't fair... I'm in love with him... love sounds like a strong word.... but I'm sure of this...

Which is the worst thing of all... I've never... EVER been in love with someone before in my life... until now... A-And now that I am.. He doesn't love me back..

But... this can't be like this... I just... I don't know what to do.  I'm in love but... looking at his lost gaze... If he's in love in the same way that I am...

What I want is for him is.. to be happy... right?... y-yeah... That's what I want.  I hate this feeling..

My ears go down like my tail and I clench my fists tightly, hurting my palms with my claws from the force with which I press them against my skin.

I must.. FORCE myself to feel this.. I must force myself to be that person in the love triangle who accepts healthily that she's not loved by anyone.

I must understand, that I shouldn't interfere.. If I do.. maybe that.. instinct could come back.  And.. Haru's my friend, I can't be jealous of her.. That's not ok.. I should be happy.

However... If I repress my feelings again... Then I'll end up loosing my mind and I could hurt someone else... and if that person was Haru... I ... I'd never forgive myself.

I have to do something to fix this... I can't force Legoshi to be with whoever I want, and I can't suppress myself anymore... since I haven't been good at that for a while...

So with all the fear in the world.. And knowing that this may be a great disaster... Should I confess?  Or would his rejection drive me more upset?

Dom: Hey, everyone, listen up!

The peacock brings the entire team together to tell us something, so I turn to listen.  But I see Legoshi doesn't turn to see him, he only moves his ears as a sign that he's listening...

Dom: We're done here for today. Let's go back to school.

Kibi: But it's only five.

Dom: The mayor wants us to leave.

I see it's getting dark.  I understand that the mayor wants us to leave.  It's curfew time, and now the world is quite insecure.  Speaking about wild instincts... Each time there are more devours in the city...

Dom: Let's go back before the sunset.

I pick up my violin and keep it in the case, I get up to walk along with the group.  But I stop when I see Legoshi isn't following us, he's still holding his tail, thinking about God knows what.

Y/N: L-Legoshi?  Aren't you coming?

He keeps staring at the ground, but then he gets up.

Legoshi: I've got something to do.

He doesn't even look at me in the eye and he walks away.  His voice sounds serious and somewhat hoarse.  I'd say that it's somewhat intimidating.

Y/N: W-where are you going?

Legoshi: ..Don't wait for me.

And with that... he's gone... I'd  think he was going to hurt Louis or something...

The way he talked, how he looked, how he walked... Even the environment around him showed a lot of anger, so much... jealousy... But luckily Louis had already left the park... he may've gone to see Haru...

Is he going to confess to her?  Is he going to tell her something? No.. he isn't like that. I don't know what I'm going to do..

But whatever.. Even if it sounds silly, I can't help but feel bad.. I feel angry, I feel.. frustrated.. I stand still watching Legoshi approach Haru, feeling  the sunset behind me..

I know it doesn't make sense.. But inside me.. it's like I feel betrayed by Haru.. It sounds silly.. IT IS silly.. But it's as if my instincts were resentful with her for this..

I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder.  Which brings me back to my senses.  I turn to see Juno looking at me smiling.

Juno: Now can we go together?

I turn to look behind me, but it looks like Legoshi and Haru are already gone. Great, now I'll have to carry this for a while.  I turn to see Juno and give her a slight smile.

Y/N: Sure.  Let's go.