Beastars x reader (Season 1)

CHAPTER 35: NOT ALONE

Blood. That red liquid that I feel running through my hands. It's warm and wet, my hands are painted on it, changing them from white to an intense red color.

This makes me feel... different. What is this? What's this new sensation?

I feel small and light drops of blood slipping and falling from my hands, one by one.

This strange feeling, I don't know what it is. But it makes me feel.. tempted. Tempted to ...

Haru: Y/N.

My gaze lifts to Haru, I look around and remember that we're in the cafeteria.

Haru: You're spacing out again.

Y/N: Oh-Uh.. Sorry.

I see my hands again holding my cherry smoothie, I drink from it.

I'm still worried about what I did yesterday. I couldn't sleep well thinking about what happened. The worst of this is that thanks to what I did, rumors increased.

Now as before, several people is looking at me and whispering to each other. Haru and I've noticed.

Haru: Just ignore them as always, things will calm down like last time.

Y/N: Yeah I know.

I nod although I disagree. I've been thinking about what to do to be left alone without having to harm someone.

Thinking about this and seeing my smoothie... The simple red color makes me remember. I'm not hungry anymore. I put my smoothie on the table while I scratch my ear with my hand.

Haru looks at me carefully as I scratch.

Haru: Aren't you gonna eat? You won't grow if you stop eating.

Y/N: I'm not hungry, that's all.

The gossip continues and Haru notices my discomfort. I don't say anything else until the school bell rings for lunch to end.

Y/N: I .. I have to go to class so .. see you later Haru.

I get up leaving my smoothie and Haru behind, walking to the next class.

Haru: .. See you.

...

I spend my time thinking the rest of the classes. What should I do? A part of me prefers to leave things like that and force myself to get used to this for what I've done. On the other hand, attacking those badgers, made them stop messing with me and it left me with a feeling as if... I was showing my true self for a few seconds back there.

I've stopped writing or paying attention to the class or to my classmates for so much thinking. I have an internal conflict that I cannot ignore.

What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to think? Will people become more hostile to me? Or will they fear me to the point of not wanting to mess with me? Haru's right that things will calm down soon, but I don't want to wait for months ... and I also don't want them to make rumors again as soon as I make another mistake.... Am I going to make another mistake?

What I did is wrong, not just for hurting people and spoiling more of my chance to have friends. But if on one of my mistakes, they decide to accuse me with a teacher, or if someone investigates further and discover that I hurt them .. With the reputation I've gotten myself into. They'll probably kick me out. Which would be the worst for me since I have nowhere to go...

Suddenly I feel a hand touching my back, which makes me startle from fright

Jack: Woah! Hey sorry, I just wanted to know if you had a sharpener that I could use.