Beastars x reader (Season 1)

CHAPTER 67: WHEN I MET YOU

Legoshi: Y/N...... Y/N?.... Oh, there you are, thank God.

After a while, which is hard for me to calculate, I hear his voice.

Legoshi: You can't just run away like that!

I can't look him in the face, I feel as if it were deadly dangerous just to get up or stop curling up next to the wall.

Legoshi: We're on the black market, not the school nor the park!  This is a dangerous place!

Even though I hear him, I don't pay attention to what he says, I keep concentrating on my breathing that I still have trouble on doing it properly.

I've got chills in every inch of my body, I shiver as I try to calm down, but for some reason I feel in mortal danger. I'm so... scared I'm not able to realize my anxiety became visible in Legoshi's eyes..

Legoshi: ....Hey, I'm warning you, this alley is a terrible place to pass out.. I tell you from experience.

I can't really hear him, I just hear distant babble, I'm so lost in my anxiety.  I don't notice Legoshi, turning his head confused as a puppy, and looking the other way lowering his ears, knowing that yelling at me won't make me react any sooner.

I don't realize he's trying to think of what to do to save Haru, I don't notice... he may be thinking about something else, I don't see Legoshi's look of despair, changing to one of empathy and concern. 

Well, if I can't know what's going on in my mind... I will never know what goes through Legoshi's head... never ever.

Suddenly, before I know it, I can see some legs sitting in front of me, that makes me react again.  As soon as I do, everything becomes silent.  I look up to see those legs are obviously Legoshi's, who's sitting in front of me, looking down.

I keep trying to breathe, and still can't move, but at least now I can see and hear.

Legoshi: I'm... sorry ..... for everything.

Y/N: ... What?

Suddenly my ears lift, my attention turns to him. I can see Legoshi's gaze, even if it's not directed at me.  I can't say what it means exactly. 

I can't say seeing him calms me, but hearing that he forgives me... wait, he didn't say that, he's apologizing.. That's not right.  He doesn't have to apologize.

Until now I realize I haven't spoken during my entire panic attack, but since I'm determined to speak, I do, although hardly and with a fairly low and soft volume.

Y/N: No... I'm sorry... I... I wasn't honest with you.

Legoshi: What?  No, I was carried away by intuition even when you told me the truth.

I don't want him to blame himself, so I save all my strength to be able to speak more.

Y/N: But it's true, I lied to you, I used to get together with you in the beginning for that and I told you in such a cold and selfish way...

Of course, since my anxiety hasn't gone away, it passed through my ear, twitching stronger and more often.

Y/N: You're right to hate me...

Legoshi: Wh- No, I don't hate you.

That calms me down a bit more but still, I don't want him to feel guilty about all this, just like he doesn't want me to blame myself.

Both of us, driven by the moment of apologies, ready to make each other feel better... We started talking at the same time, without stopping.

Y/N: Listen, I know I did spy on you...