FOREVER GRATEFUL

30

"We try so hard to hide everything we're really feeling from those who probably need to know our true feelings the most. People try to bottle up their emotions, as if it's somehow wrong to have natural reactions to life."
– Colleen Hoover

Bella's pov

Today is the day I never thought I'll witness. It's Jacob's funeral, even saying that makes me wanna lock myself up and cry.

I am not ready to say goodbye to him, I don't think I'll ever be able to.

I tried writing but I couldn't, words aren't enough to describe my feelings for him. I have no idea what I am going to say in front of so many people. My mom and jake are going to be there as well, both extremely saddened by this news. Jake understands what's it's like to lose a person, he is little but very mature.

I didn't want to wear a dress today, I don't feel like wearing it. I don't understand the need to wear formal for funeral, it's a day of sadness. But I decide to wear a simple plain black dress because of the tradition. I used Jacob's perfume over myself to remind me of his scent. I tied my hair in a neat bun and applied a lip balm to look a little formal.

I am still gonna stay here for some more time, I find peace in his room. This is the only place where I am able to sleep at these days.

People may think I am going crazy, but I don't really care. I really don't, the only one for whom I am doing something is my baby, I eat regularly following the recommended diet. I eat although I don't feel like it. I know I'll eventually have to learn to be happy again for my child's sake, I know that a sad mother isn't what this child deserves.

The funeral gets started, people who barely knew him are giving speeches about him, one thing which is common in every speech is everyone's fondness of Jacob.

It's now Cole's turn to speak, tears already forming in his eyes, he starts "Jacob was my brother, a person who can make anyone happy. He was like a light in all of our dark life's. Always full of hope and positivity. He was loved from everyone, he never hurt anybody ever, always cared about others feelings first. I don't understand why god took him away so soon. But I read somewhere that god takes up his favorite people first to end there misery's and give them peace. I know my brother rests in peace right now, I know he is sad to see all of you like this. I will always remember him and will always miss him. I love you my brother." He ends with tears falling from his eyes, and also from ours.

Next turn is of Xander, "I have never been much religious person. I am one of those who always seemed to have doubted the existence of god, heaven or hell. But it's time like this when I do want to have faith in god, I do want to believe that heaven exists, that my brother is at peace, and one day I'll get to see him again. Jacob meant the world to me, without him everything appears dull to me. He was the most selfless person I have ever seen. I wish we can all become like him, then the world would be the best place to live. I love you and am already missing you so much brother." After making everyone emotional, He ends his speech, he spoke without reading from the paper which was in his hand.

It's my turn now, I nervously walk towards the stage, I don't even bother to wipe up my tears because I know I am going to shed some more.

"I am very glad that I knew Jacob Williams. A guy of golden heart. It's weird right, how life can change so much in just a moment. Just few months back I met this amazing, most good looking guy ever, who sat on his knee and asked me to be his girlfriend, the guy who became my first and only love, who became my whole world in just few months, who made me feel special all the time. I consider myself lucky to have met him in my life, to have had him as my boyfriend, and partner. No other man can ever replace him ever, there is no other Jacob Williams, he was one of a kind and he was mine. The day of the accident, I came to know about my pregnancy, I freaked out about it, I thought my life plans will get all ruined because of it. I was scared about this pregnancy, and now it's the best thing in my life, the only thing keeping me together right now. All changed in just a moment. This child is all I have left of Jacob's, and I promised him that I'll take care of myself. He would've been the most amazing father to this child, but I think destiny has something else planned for it. Jacob you have given me a lifetime of happiness in these past months, you have given me the best memories possible, you have given me your love, and you gave me the most precious gift in the form of this baby. I'll be forever grateful for you. I'll be yours always and forever Jacob. And We will have our happily ever after in heaven." I finish speaking.

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Whose speech did you like the most?