FOREVER GRATEFUL

48

"We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something."
-mother teresa

Bella's pov

I wake up in Xander's bed, and notice Xan sleeping right next to me cuddling with me. I remember falling asleep last night in the garden while watching Netflix. But I don't remember Xander picking me up and letting me sleep on his bed.

This feeling of having someone to hold you, to care for you, to love you unconditionally is great.

But this same memory also reminds me of the nights I spent with Jacob. I think I need to find my closure with him. Because constantly feeling guilt all the time, feeling like I am cheating on him is not good for me.

"Good morning beautiful!" Xander greets me in his sleepy voice and gives me a peck on my cheeks. "How'd you sleep last night?" I ask him after greeting him.

"Perfectly, in the arms of the woman I love." He replies and chuckles, "God you are so cliche."

After showering, I change into my comfortable clothes.

I am thinking of going to Jacob's grave today. I feel like I want to explain him things and talk to him about everything that's going on.

"Xan, could you take me to the graveyard today?" I ask hoping he'll understand why I want to go.

"Yeah sure. Even I was thinking of going there, I want to introduce you to my mom." He replies while placing a kiss on my forehead.

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Soon we both arrive at the graveyard, I explained Xander that I wanted to tell Jacob about us, although he is watching us from heaven I want to tell him everything to have some kind closure. He said that he understands what I am trying to say and that he'll be there to support me.

We place the flowers that we brought, on to Jacob's grave. Xander holds one of my hand knowing that being here is difficult for both of us.

"Jacob, i am sorry it took me so much of time to come here and visit you, but you going away suddenly hasn't been easy for me. I know you are watching us from heaven, and you know what I have been through these last months. Not having you here, sucks. It honestly does. I miss having you by my side each and every day, I dream and wish to be able to feel your presence again baby. You were the best thing ever happened to me, but then you were taken away from me just like my father was. I hope you are in a much better place now, I really hope you are happily watching over us. Also we are having a girl Jacob. She is so lucky to have your genes, I am sure she's gonna be the best person ever. I'll make sure that she knows what kind of a person her father was, how amazing he was, how kind, how perfect."

I break down while speaking, but continue,

"Your sudden demise, taught me how precious every single moment of our lives are. We shouldn't take any of it for granted. We should all live the way you lived, always happy no matter what, making the most out of everything. I have decided to give my happiness another chance Jacob. I have decided to give Xander a chance. He just like you, cares a lot about me, about our daughter, he is looking after us so well, which I think you knew he would. But this doesn't mean that I'll forget about you Jacob, because I won't, I can't. I'll always love you, I'll always miss you, I'll always remember you Jacob, I promise you that. You have and will always have a special place in my heart. You'll always be the guy who made me the happiest girl alive, who gave me unlimited memories, who gave me a precious gift before going away." I stop speaking. Not being able to continue further, talking about him is so difficult, it's all so difficult.

"Hey brother, I know you are in a great place right now. I miss you every single day without doubt. I know how much we all matter to you, I promise I'll always take good care of Bella and your daughter. I promise to you I'll do everything for them, so don't worry about us brother. I love you." Xander speaks out his feelings, also tearing up a little.

I place a picture of my sonogram under the flowers, and we walk away towards Xander's mother's grave. Xander picked white roses for her, because she loved them.

"Mom I know it's been a while since we last spoke. A lot has changed since then, some good things, some terribly bad. But I am not here to talk about the bad ones, I am here to share the most amazing thing which happened in my life. I want to introduce you to my wife. I know, it's shocking, but I am a changed man now, all because of this amazing girl, Bella. She has changed me mom, for good. I love her more than anything in this whole world, we are even about to start a family of our own. We are having a daughter, we'll raise her well mom." Xander ends talking about what's been happening in his life.

I hug him, "Hello Mrs Clain, I am thankful to you, for giving birth to an amazing son. Your son has a heart of gold. And I promise I'll always love him, I promise not to hurt him, ever." I complete speaking, and notice Xander looking at me with so much love in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks me. I swear he asks that to me so many times in a day. "Yes I am, I'll have to be, I have this teddy bear of mine who keeps cheering me up no matter what." I say while chuckling a bit, trying to lessen the seriousness in this moment.

"Wait Did you just call me a teddy bear?" He asks, pouting.

"Yes I did. What you gonna do about it? Baby bear." I tease him a bit more and he picks me up bridal style, "Oh you'll regret saying that, wait till we reach home, I am gonna tickle the hell out of you." He threatens and we both laugh.

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