FOREVER GRATEFUL

50

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." – Mother Teresa

Xander's pov

I was in my office when I received the call I never thought I will.

It was from the clinic Ella goes to, for her checkups. "Sir I wanted to talk to Mrs Clain about her decision of not continuing her treatment, but she isn't answering my call, so I wanted you to covey my message, that we'll require ma'am to come and sign some papers." Were the words she said.

I immediately asked her what treatment is she talking about and that is when I discovered that my wife, my love is suffering from cancer, and that although she was taking some pills to help her immunity she refused to get therapy. She refused because it couldn't be cured until and unless she took radiation therapy, but that would've caused harm to the child.

As soon as I heard the news I started to drive back to my place, I can't let her do this. I can't let her destroy all this, I can't lose her. I just can't.

"Bella!" I yell as soon as I enter the door. Tears already in my eyes thinking about what could've happened if I didn't find out like this.

I watch her come downstairs, worried. I now understand why she was looking so weak. Her illness is eating her up from the inside.

"What's wrong baby?" She asks softly, wiping away my tears. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her while breaking down in front of her, "Did I not deserve to know about it Ella, isn't it a decision we were supposed to make together, haven't I showed you how much I love you, how you can trust me and tell me any of your problems?"

She automatically understands what I am talking about, unable to give answer to my questions, she just asks "how did you find out?"

"Is that what's important to you? How I found out? I was about to lose my everything, doesn't that matter to you? Did you even once think about me? What will happen to me? How will I live Ella, were you going to take it all away from me? Thank god the clinic called me and told me about this, otherwise I would've lost you, forever." I reply back, holding her hand in mine, and continue,

"Baby, Ella you can't do this. I know this baby is important to you, and trust me it's important to me as well. You have seen me going crazy after it, but my love, you can't do this to yourself. You can't give yourself up, you can't sacrifice yourself. I won't let you. We can have babies in the future baby, I promise you, I am even ready to adopt one right now with you. But baby you can't do this. You can't leave me, not like this." I beg her, kneeling down in front of her just holding her hand and crying in front of her.

She wipes away her own tears and speaks, "I love you Xan, you know I do. I wish this wasn't the case Xan I really do. I wish I didn't have to die. Do you know how hard it's for me to watch you dream about having a complete family when I know you won't be able to have that with me. It's so hard to even think that I won't be able to raise her Xan, it's all so sad. It hurts me so so much. I can't give this child up Xan, not when I know that she is the only hope for the Williams. Xan even if I did, there is no guarantee that I'll overcome my illness. What if that way you will lose both of us? What if I'll lose my baby too that way Xan? I can't handle that. I can't, I am sorry."

"Why is this happening!! Is this a dream Ella? Please pinch me and wake me up from it, please. Yesterday everything was just perfect, I had you in my arms happy and everything was okay, now it's all crushed. My happiness, my future, my life, everything." I beg her, I don't want to accept this reality, I can't. It's too much for me to handle.

I know that she is hurting, even more than me. But she will just go away, she'll leave just like my mom did, like Jacob did. I am the one who'll mourn, I am the one who'll suffer for the rest of my life, I'll be the one who will have to live because of my jade.

But I can't raise her on my own, not without Bella. She's the one who is supposed to teach her, she's her mother, she is supposed to be with her, raising her right by my side.

"I can't live without you." I speak up after remaining silent for what seemed like forever.

"Xan, I don't want to leave you. I didn't choose this, I didn't want this either. I wish to live, to raise my own daughter, to care for her, to live a happy life with my loved ones. But I can't Xan. And it Fucking sucks, it's unfair, it's terrible but that's what reality is Xan. I don't want to go Xan, I am so scared." She breaks down and hugs me.

"Baby please consider taking the treatment, if there's any slight hope that you'll be alright, I wanna take it. I don't care at what cost, I want to be selfish, I want you to live. Jacob would've wanted you to live Ella." I beg of her to consider taking therapy but I am only met with silence in return, and then a small whisper from her, "You know I can't Xan."

She breaks away and continues, "She is the only reason I survived after Jacob, she is the reason why the Williams's are still sane. She is the reason why we married, why I fell in love with you Xan. She is the one who gave us so many precious moments, she is the reason behind our happiness, I can't sacrifice her just for my own sake. You know I can't."

I don't say anything in return, I know what she is saying is the right thing to do, but it doesn't feel right. Nothing feels right to me anymore. Happiness now to me feels just like an illusion, which has now completely faded away from my life.

I hold her tightly in my arms as she cries and tells me that she has been making videos for me, and Jade.

She wishes, for me to tell our daughter about her parents, for me to make jade watch her mother well and healthy in form of these videos. She makes me promise that I would.

I'll do all of this for her, I will make sure jade knows each and every thing about her parents. I'll make sure to love her just the way they would've. I'll make sure to love her just like I love her mother and her father.

She later tells me while crying that I should date someone once she is gone, I should make my dream 'of a complete family' come true in the future.

But even she knows, that I can't.

She is the only one who touched my heart, who made me fall into love with her. She is my first and last love. There can't be another, it's just her till the rest of my life.

The End
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Yes this is the last chapter of this book. Although there'll be an epilogue where everything will come together and make more sense.

I literally want to thank all of my readers for taking out there time, to read this story. I hope I didn't disappoint you'll in any way.

To all those who didn't like this ending, you can think of an alternative ending, where Bella gives birth to jade and they all live happily ever after.

I am so emotional with this story coming to an end.
It's honestly been such a great experience for me, all the love, appreciation I got for this story will always be remembered by me. 💕

Thoughts?💕.