FOREVER GRATEFUL

31

"There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison."
– Jane Austen

Bella's pov

Waking up in Jacob's bed is giving me peace. Being in his room, makes me feel closer to him. I know I will have to stop doing this, but I am not ready yet.

Taylor brought in some clothes for me, so that I can go to school.

After taking a shower, I look at my face and observe the huge dark circles under my eyes, and how swollen and red they are from all the crying. I used his shampoo, so my hair smells like him, which again in a weird way gives me comfort. My face looks pale, and I look weak in general. I wear some random clothes and go downstairs where Xander is already waiting for me.

"I brought you breakfast" he says in a concerned voice, I nod at him and take the packet from him.

"No bike today?" I ask him, as he loves riding in his motor bike, "No, I have to make sure you're safe and secure" he says which makes me smile a little.

"You look nice" he comments, trying to start a conversation, "You don't need to lie Xan" I reply. The rest of the ride was filled with peaceful silence.

Once we arrive, I notice everyone staring at me weirdly. I think everybody heard and is sympathetic towards me maybe, I don't want this though. I don't want people to look at me with pity in their eyes. It's difficult already, coming to school without having him by my side.

I see Taylor and Cole coming to our direction with a worried expression on their faces, Cole comes and whispers something to Xander. Which makes the latter more sad.

Taylor comes and stands right next to me, takes my hand with her's and starts to drag me with her. I think she is trying to protect me from everyone's stares.

"Taylor, I need to take some of my stuff from my locker before." I inform her as she was straight heading for the class, "No it's okay you can borrow my notebook for taking notes." She stresses more on going to the class first, so I don't argue much.

During the entire lecture people were staring at me, whispering something to each other, I wasn't able to hear what exactly were they talking about but I know it's something related to his death. I wish people would've tried to understand how difficult this time is for us, and that they shouldn't make it even more harder by staring at us like that.

I am not able to understand today's lectures as well. My mind is still not able to focus upon anything. He is the only one in my mind, whenever I start to focus on something, his memories start coming back to me.

He used to walk me to my classes, compliment me all the time, kept on capturing my pictures, used to stare at me for the entire lecture, disturb me with his cute actions. I miss all of this. I miss him.

I still wish that maybe this is just a very bad dream I am dreaming, and maybe just maybe this will all be over, and he'll be there right next to me like before.

My baby is doing fine for now, I am trying to eat all the nutritious food for it. It's hasn't started forming much yet because it's still early.

Taylor hasn't let me use my locker, since morning. Thankfully she is busy right now because she received a call, so I head my way over to the locker.

I find many people surrounded near my locker, and looking at something. I go past them, breaking into this crowd and what I see next, breaks my heart.

On my locker there is a big picture of me with a cross mark on it, and 'slut' written all over it, I find many other such pictures on the floor, indicating that even though someone must have taken it out, they replaced it with others. I also find a notes attached to it, saying "Bella Grey is the reason behind Jacob's death. Her father died because of her, and now Jacob died after becoming her boyfriend. She seduced his best friend, and cheated on him." Some others too with curses written on it for me.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, I look and find Xander standing right behind me looking furious.

"What the fuck is wrong with all of you. I swear I am gonna make your life a living hell if any one of you do something to her. I'll find out who did and and that person will pay for this." Xander starts yelling.

"She loves Jacob, You all need to stop believing in all this bullshit. Both of them loved each other so much, I swear to god if this happens again, I'll personally torture all of you." Cole threatens, while Taylor takes all those notes away and throws them in dustbin.

I don't even realize until Xander wipes away my tears, that I was crying. He takes my hand in his and takes me away.

"Why...., why are they doing this to me, what have I ever done to them, for them to hate me to this extent." I speak while crying.

"Shh Ella, all of them are stupid and insensitive people who have absolutely nothing to do in there own life. Please don't trouble yourself because of them. Please stop crying." Xander comforts me, my hand still in his, which he is rubbing, trying to calm me down.

"Xan, I don't want to come back, I don't want to do this anymore. I can't, not anymore. I don't ever want to see their faces ever again. You know how much I love Jacob, how could they even say that." I speak honestly, I don't want to come to school anymore, I can't pretend that things are normal because they aren't.

I lost the love of my life, and I am getting bullied in school for a crime I didn't commit.

My future, career, money, all of them doesn't seem important now. My baby is all that matters to me. I don't want to lose it because of stupid high school teenagers.

Xander nods, "Whatever you want Ella, just don't cry please, I'll take you back to his place, please don't cry, I can't see you like this." He says, his voice breaking from the pain he is in.

His words remind me of Jacob, he would've said the same thing to me. He would've said "I can't see you like this, cupcake.".

A smile comes on my crying face, 'Cupcake' I miss this word so much, I miss the way he used to comfort me, how just having him right next to me used to solve every problem of mine.

I think of him while looking at my wallpaper, which is a picture of both of us from the night of homecoming dance. He looks so happy in it, I hope he still is.

I miss you Jacob, each and everyday, everything is so difficult for me without you. I love you so so much baby.

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