sat by the ocean

ciryotrütalor

I do not wish to scare you.
I never do.
but I am glad of your presence.
I am made joyful by your praise,
and I glow from the warmth I feel at your presence in my life.

I do not wish to scare you.
I never do.
but there are things I want to tell you
that I don't know if you could handle.

when I come to trust someone,
I wish to tell them of my past.

are you following, darling?

I walk down this flower-ridden path,
entwining our hands in my mind
as you walk a few feet ahead of me
snapping photos of the local wildlife.

you are a bright spirit,
and your mind is capable of so much,
and you love all you touch with such certainty
that I am falling quickly to my knees with a spinning rush in my head.

I do not wish to scare you.
I never do.
but there are things that I want to say about what I've been through,
even though it's already over.
even though I'm almost done healing from the most direct effects.

darling,
I have been in pain
I have felt pain so terrible that I know the worst of what life has to show
and I know that it will all end someday,
when I heal,
and I will feel a different sort of pain.

darling,
the circle is forever,
but will our friendship be?

darling,
take my hand,
for my love holds intensity greater than my unbridled gaze at first glance.

I must slip beneath the waves of all that is around me—
I must touch the skin of the people I meet,
and I must breathe in their scent,
and I must stare at heir eyes,
and I must rest in their arms
because I am searching for a home in all of them.

I think I have found one in you.

darling, do you understand my depths?
I do not mean to scare you,
I truly do not,
but I feel strongly all of a sudden
and do not wish to hide the emotions swirling in these eyes.

you're very, very good,
and I have come from a place that made me very, very bad,
and you make me want to be as good as you are,
and you make me want to be as good as you make me feel.

I have a feeling
that your laughter
would make my bones melt to liquid
and make me so stupid that I forget not to smile
simply because I adore you, my dear.

I love all those I hold closest,
and I quickly find myself realizing that I want to hold you closer.
of course, I fear your judgement,
even if it has been kind to me so far.
I have never met another soul that loves strongly like me
and so
I am terrified,
because I base my outward actions off of other people.

what am I to do if I stand out?

I do not wish to scare you.
I never do.
I may talk like a robot,
but it is simply because English is a hard think to remember to speak
when there's so much more I could be saying,
if only you understood.

my dear,
as we walk through this seemingly enchanted garden
on this misty, groggy morning,
I feel the energy as clear
and I worry you see right through me.

but then again,
maybe that would be good.