sat by the ocean

lake and stars

the stars and the sea
and the need and the greed
pull the cord tight in my chest
breathe me in, sink your claws in deep

red marks over my skin
from the hate and the sin
and yet, I trace over them gentle
with soft fingertips and love

there is no beginning.
there was never a time when time itself began
we exist and that is all we are here to do.
maybe some of us have purpose,
some of us have that special drive etched into our souls
to keep the planet spinning
but others are vast,
and expansive,
and old and wise and knowing
and afraid because they have known all the horrors this world has to offer

show me now its patience
its sweetness
its love and unfaltering loyalty

I want to dive headfirst into you
but yet, my heart has me coiled in a corner,
afraid of all the possibilities

maybe you won't reciprocate the intensity,
won't appreciate it
maybe you won't like my insides,
won't enjoy the taste of my colors
maybe you'll want to back out once you see me,
once my I love yous change in meaning
to something deeper than what we're familiar with

I have to take these chances
because there are so many more flavors to life than this resistance, than this fear
my words are wise and my heart is mind
and my body is mine to share

grace my skin with your fingertips,
stardust,
lap up the waters of my lakes
I don't care what you do with me
because I trust you to do it with good intentions
and with love
and with respect and honorability

the grass and the land
and the earth where I sleep
I walk with the pads of my toes burning
as I reach who I seek
maybe it's not so bad if it's you
because you're who I long for
and though the subject of you changes most often,
it still rings true

stardust,
crawl into my sleeping bones and lay there until we wake
in the golden light of morn

a psychedelic daydream haunts me
of the pleasures and hindrances of life
all converging and multiplying and fusing together
to create this world we live in

I philosophise,
and in times not so distant,
I have felt guilty for doing so

it is not a healthy habit,
my mind says,
and yet,
I repeat it

maybe it is not so bad
because it brings me love
and it brings me joy
and it brings me elation

my darling,
my stardust,
my sweetheart,
we are creatures of a different nature
loving each other in ways of a different nature

we are of a deeper, darker nature,
darling,
they aren't built to understand

but humans do so often defy expectations
so, who knows?

do you know how truly amazing you are?
I'm shifting gears in my head,
while you're living free of my fears and my shackles
you walk barefoot into dirt and into sand and into wet silt
while I stand around and fret about getting cold
you bring out the side of me that says being cold isn't so bad, and it isn't forever
it's worth it.

it's always gonna be worth it, silly me

grace my legs with your fingerprints,
moonlight,
drink from the oceans in my hands
I don't have to worry when you're with me,
and that is something I am coming to understand
I hope you'll continue to have patience with me
I'm a slow learner sometimes

expose the harshest truths about me
because I want you to see them
it's important to me for you to know that I can be bad
because I don't ever want to be a saint

drown me in your lakes
and if you want,
I can drown you in mine
I promise it's easy to breathe within my depths
so long as you promise yourself peace of mind

share a breath with me,
breathe me in,
and breathe me deep
breathe the scent that clings to my skin
it smells of homeness and of warmth and of humanness
don't you want that?

you are of origins unknown,
with claws and skin and teeth and hair
your eyes seem to shapeshift to all who see
and yes, there are many who could name their color
but I bet I could name it better

your eyes—
they can be the color of stones on the bottom of a brown lake
they can be the purest of skies, painted steely gray by storm and by rain
they can be the rightest of dirt, of mud and of soil and of gritty gravel
and sometimes, they are the color of time itself

my love runs deeper than it probably should
but enough with my shoulds,
because they hurt to say

my love runs deeper and darker and darkness is not a bad thing with me
because I am darkness, and I bring light
and you will understand that on this night

take a deep breath of me
we are only seperated by distance
nothing else can stand in my way
and once my wings are free of their bindings,
you cannot hide
and you won't have to want to.